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I'm totally pissed off now.

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    #1

    I'm totally pissed off now.

    I'm getting to my limit now and it doesn't help that I have Anger Problems now.

    you see my SO's ex did things to her (disgusting things disrespecting her right)

    and now 2 years later he texts her saying "happy birthday" and acts like it never happened. this happened last year as well.

    as you can imagine as the boyfriend I have so much anger and hate built up inside . I'm starting to lose myself


    its a little bit immature but can anyone give me advice on how to stay calm and stuff?
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    #2
    count to ten and prosede until your calm! i like to smash some old plates to when i have them ( not hte good stuff) or maybe you got some empty bottles lying around that you could smash? big hug! hang in there!!

    Comment

      #3
      Originally posted by dragonlady View Post
      count to ten and prosede until your calm! i like to smash some old plates to when i have them ( not hte good stuff) or maybe you got some empty bottles lying around that you could smash? big hug! hang in there!!
      Thanks for replying.

      well I usually punch a wall but last time i did that I had to pay for the repairs
      the count to ten really helped actually! I will be sure to do that next time as well.
      Thanks, I appreciate your support

      Comment

        #4
        You have to think about your gf and the consequences of you getting angry. she's obviously had a terrible time with this guy but having a go at him will only bring him back into the scenario and whose that going to help? Your gf will get upset, you angry and him the satisfaction if knowing he's still a part of her life. All over a simple happy birthday message. And if you don't plan on getting in touch with him then all your anger is going to do is stress your gf and upset yourself. So how to actually stop yourself? Write stuff down, seek help, read up on meditation? could these work for you? Others might be able to help more on this but anger pretty much doesn't help ANY situation. And losing it over a happy birthday message kinda means you haven't got a good hold on your emotions.

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          #5
          Why is she letting him contact her? Can't she change her number, block his or something?
          Made it official: 12-01-10
          First visit: 3-29-13/4-09-13
          Closed the distance: 07-31-13

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            #6
            well when I said he did things to her as in Sexual assaulting rape.
            and then he tries to get back into her life... wouldn't YOU been over the limit if this happened to you??

            well I have done a few methods and they are working , i am a lot calmer now so I can talk with my SO now (whenever we feel angry we take a break as we both don't want to say things we will regret)

            well she did block him I think, but im not sure. She feels uncomfortable talking about it sometimes.
            shes had the worse birthday ever, I mean her parents were arguing when they were at dinner, all about this issue when they should be listening to their daughter.

            I dont know what to do anymore

            Comment

              #7
              Unfortunately, you can't stop people behaving badly towards your SO. Not her parents, not her friends, not her exes. Particularly not when it's past behaviour. Think about it. When you're angry, what can you actually achieve to help her? Not a lot. Punching a wall won't make her feel happier and more secure.

              I agree with dragonlady, find some methods to help control your immediate reaction, and start thinking about what positive things you can do to make the situation easier on your SO. Because if you're this angry about it, imagine how angry and upsetting and confusing this must be for her. The best thing you can do is to be there for her, support her, and do what YOU know YOU can do that will add to her general wellbeing. The only person whose behaviour towards her you can control is your own, and if you're busy being angry because you don't like what's going on, you're missing out on time that you could be spending making her feel special and loved.

              Comment

                #8
                Thanks a lot for all the comments. I've found a few ways to calm down which a few are from y'all. I'll use this again in the future.
                As for helping her, she knows how I feel about this. Especially when I'm the only one who actually cares about this. But we worked things out and hopefully we will stop arguing about this and work towards dealing with it. Hopefully in July we will be going to the Police finally. I was so reckless sometimes I let my anger control me and my feelings control me. Hopefully I will learn.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Here's the thing, and I mean this in a calm and supportive way. I agree completely with Biddly. She's with you, not him. He may have done terrible things, but it's in the past, no matter how terrible. Bringing it into the present will only upset your SO and cause issues over something that you need to put behind you. What she most likely needs is a shoulder to cry on if it upsets her and someone to talk to about how she feels. If you can't be that person because of your anger, calmly explain how much it upsets you and help her find someone to talk to about it. A victim of sexual assault doesn't need more violence in their lives.

                  If it helps, just think of the fact that you're with someone amazing and this guy was just too stupid to see how amazing she is. Karma is a beautiful thing.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Originally posted by Catface View Post
                    Here's the thing, and I mean this in a calm and supportive way. I agree completely with Biddly. She's with you, not him. He may have done terrible things, but it's in the past, no matter how terrible. Bringing it into the present will only upset your SO and cause issues over something that you need to put behind you. What she most likely needs is a shoulder to cry on if it upsets her and someone to talk to about how she feels. If you can't be that person because of your anger, calmly explain how much it upsets you and help her find someone to talk to about it. A victim of sexual assault doesn't need more violence in their lives.

                    If it helps, just think of the fact that you're with someone amazing and this guy was just too stupid to see how amazing she is. Karma is a beautiful thing.
                    This. I know from personal experience unfortunately,but in a different way. The last thing she needs is for everyone around her to start going bat sh*t crazy because of this when she's going through the emotions of it enough on her own. You nor anyone else getting angry isn't going to help her or the situation. I know you probably don't understand what it's like to have that happen to you,nobody does until they've been a victim themselves. But,as calmly as possible you need to be there for her and talk to her when she feels like talking about it,don't get angry when his name comes up,just talk to her and help her feel better. My SO feels the way you do about what I went through but it's in the past and there's nothing he can do about it,only thing he can do is be there to support me now. That's all you can do for her,she will appreciate it more then you know in the long run.
                    Last edited by LadyDaemon; May 5, 2013, 06:13 AM. Reason: typos ftw >.<

                    ♥ In 666 Ways I Love You & My Heaven Is Wherever You Are. I'm For You. ♥

                    We Met: June 9,2010
                    Back Together: August 1,2012
                    First Visit: September 21,2012 - September 29,2012
                    Second Visit: January 13,2013 - February 24,2013
                    Engaged: January 17,2013
                    Closed The Distance-MS - AZ: June 15th,2013
                    Moved To FL Together: November 14,2013
                    We Got Married! - July 3,2014
                    SO Graduated College - August 7,2015
                    Moved to Ky - August 10, 2015

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                      #11
                      i know what she goes through, another phonenumber would help, if they are easy to get dont know how it works over there.
                      her parents probably dont know what is going on (i never told mine niether) and proably just think he was bad to her, they are trying to help, but they just dont understand..
                      further all you can do even when your angry (try to keep calm and keep your mouth shut then!) is listen to her, tell her it will be alright that your there for her. we all know how hard it is to be somewhere else in situations with stress.
                      good luck it is really though!

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Originally posted by Catface View Post
                        Here's the thing, and I mean this in a calm and supportive way. I agree completely with Biddly. She's with you, not him. He may have done terrible things, but it's in the past, no matter how terrible. Bringing it into the present will only upset your SO and cause issues over something that you need to put behind you. What she most likely needs is a shoulder to cry on if it upsets her and someone to talk to about how she feels. If you can't be that person because of your anger, calmly explain how much it upsets you and help her find someone to talk to about it. A victim of sexual assault doesn't need more violence in their lives.

                        If it helps, just think of the fact that you're with someone amazing and this guy was just too stupid to see how amazing she is. Karma is a beautiful thing.
                        Catface said it best!
                        I'll just add that I think she's a lucky girl to have someone who cares so much about her

                        Comment

                          #13
                          you all give such good advice. About her parents, I was the one who wrote a letter to them explaining everything. (My SO couldn't bring herself to tell them) so she gave me permission to do it. Yet they still gave up on their own daughter...
                          I may not understand what she went through but I do understand+feel Depression as she is also depressed as I was a victim of Depression.
                          I'm calm about it now after a night sleep so i can think right.
                          yes you're all right I can't really do anything but support her, but it's just real hard to not let my personal feelings into it. but I'll keep trying and trying.
                          And apparently she is going to change her number today..
                          It's gotten to the point where I have tears in my eyes pretty much everyday. the long distance really really sucks when it comes to this :'( 67 days till we see each other again though

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