Hello everyone!
This will be my first post, and a pretty long one, on Sunday we broke up with my girlfriend -whom I love till death, we connect, we finish each other sentences for real and so on-, on mutual agreement. I really need some objective opinions and advices if we should break up with my gf or not, please, help me.
If you dont want to bother with the long post, Im making the important lines with bold fonts written, so those what i need adice on.
I'm 23 now, my girlfriend is 20. It was a quite hollywood story, how we met.
Both of us love to folk dance, and doing it since childhood, performing with group around country and Europe. So, middle of August, 2011 there was a huge fold dance competition taken place in Poland, groups from over 10 countries came to win the first place. All of the groups were living in the same area, just different apartaments.
On the day after we arrived, night, we (few guys of the group) decided to go out, and explore the "opportunities", and the apartament next to us was our first choice, we went inside, there were like 2 people, chatting, and were surprised what r we searching there?
We told where we came from, and looking for some party. :X So the lady told us, she happens to be the boss of the Serbian group, and she will tell her group that some hungarian guys are here.
Yes, thats right, I'm from Hungary.
Minutes after, some girls and boys came downstairs, few of them sat by our table, some of them went to other. And there was she, by our table, my beautiful serbian dreamgirl. Have to admit tho, at first I didnt pay too much attention to her, so she went mad, and took it as a challenge, since i was so pissing her off.
And then I started to enjoy our little game, which ended up that we talked the whole night through, made out, and went to her room which she shared with few girls, but they made it free for us, we just talked there, and had fun in chatting till morning like with no1 before. Nothing intimate happened.
After this day we met every days until we were in Poland, which means from Saturday till Friday. Then we headed home, to home country, I searched her on facebook and we are chatting ever since then, daily basis.
We managed to meet around every months, sometimes 1,5 months for a couple of days (4-7). When we meet, we feel like we wouldn't ever be apart, like we were always together, it's a crazy feeling, we feel so natural with each other.
So, here comes the topic subject:she's from Serbia, I'm from Hungary. Shes finishing the second year in medical school in Serbia, I have 1-1.5 years finishing engineer school at Hungary. We are communicating on english. We use Skype daily, but only to chat, we never voice call or phone call, rarely (means 1 per like 2 months) use the webcam. Although, we text each other daily, couple of messages, sometimes more, sometimes less. We share vereything.
The serbian culture is by far more conservative than by us, hungarians. I kinda know the circumstances now, and have to say it's really strickt with the girls especially. Her family is even worse. By the age of 20 she doesnt have much rights, she's being handled as a child, still, which she says will be like for 1-2-3 years, still.
Also, she made a mistake not telling her parents she met me in 2011, ever since then she didn't tell them. Now, she's just afraid of them telling, and being more and more afraid, I think its an evil circle now. She just afraid they would worry for her so much, if she wouldnt finish school because of me, and so on and on. I know her totally, and I understand her and I know that she really thinks this, however I do think as well, that she's making an elephant of this, but can't change this. :\
Because she's not telling, and she told me she wont be able to for quite some time (maybe year)
more, she can't travel to me, to Hungary, I'm going all the time, which makes things difficult, since the travel takes 8 hours by train, and she lives in a dorm, so she has to rent a flat for those days we meet, every single time. We were going to this same guy's flat always, but she says she feels totally uncomfortable now, feels like a hooker when she goes to rent the place. Unfortunately, we cant go to her dorm, she doesnt own a flat, and she can't come to me, Hungary, so...no other options but this.
For the record, all of her friends know me about, so it's not that she's ashamed of me or whatever, if youl wouldn't believe.
She feels stressed of this. She also getting ruined by the weight of her secret, not telling her parents, but shes just afraid to do so. She feels few times to chat boring, to sit in front of laptop.
Her friends can't believe that I wouldn't be cheating on her, so they start to put this bug on her, too.
She says, she need me everyday now, it's too little what we can spend in person, she want me more and its killing her.
Also, when she watches some couples, she thinks it could be us, and how much she wants to have these moments with me, to call me because she just needs a hug, comforting, or kiss me, but she cant...we cant go out to party with my friends or hers, and that these are so basic things, but we cant have.
She says she might will miss these thoughts more with time to time.
I think the worst thing for her is the uncertainity, we can't know when we could close the distance, or change on things to be "better". It easily can be year or years, and we just don't know. Or if we will be able ever to close...
Our honeymoon phase lasted 1 whole year, almost exactly, and I believe it would even more, but from last Septembre I had pretty much bad things happening in my life, which took me down, before that I was happy, ALWAYS positive, patient, and exciting. From last September till December I was like exchanged, total opposite. Even know I'm still recovering to the old myself.
Because of I'm being unpatient and often tired, fights became more recent, almost regular. We kinda went more distant...
Before it she was afraid by every tiny fight that we will break up, and wanted to solve it right away, not leaving angry or mad, and in the end we finished happy, the fights were gone.
But this Sept-Dec period she became tired of them, became whatever, it was like a normal thing, to fight, and go to sleep unsolved.
We talked this through around this year March, and she told me she's not in that crazy love as she were, obviosuly, she still love me a lot, but these fights ruined us, so we decided to change, and go back to the old us. I think we made it, but the little love loss and happiness loss caused that these thoughts are stronger in her, that she starts to envy of the close distance couples. She also mentioned the costs, we have to take.
I also realised, that trhough my bad period, I wasn't giving the same affection, at all. Telling her I love and care and miss...and just talk to her like that.
I think if I'd give her all these again, we could get back close to the honeymoon phase, and she would be happier, so we could function nice again, without these bad thoughts being so much in the focus.
So anyway, as I told we broke up at Sunday, I took it officially, she asked to be friends and chat and even text, still. I said okay. Right after, on Monday and Tuesday we were chatting, texting, kinda like flirting, as we always did. I still took it as official breakup, but on Tuesday it turned out, she didn't yet, she thought I still want her, she thought we are on a longer break, but still texting, and after...well, she doesn't know what then. Since she knows, she can't change on the things above, for a long time, and doesn't know if she could still take this long distance relationship, without the physical part being recent.
I have a feeling, that if I'd tell her to get together, she'd say yes. I just don't know, what is the smart or right or simply good decision to make...To get together, and live like this or breakup.
My brain tells breakup, my heart says not a chance, because we feel we are the right ones for each other, soulmates, which can't get any better...just there are these problems, these unfortunate circumstances we are living in, and we can't know for how long they will be there...
Please, help, and thank you!
This will be my first post, and a pretty long one, on Sunday we broke up with my girlfriend -whom I love till death, we connect, we finish each other sentences for real and so on-, on mutual agreement. I really need some objective opinions and advices if we should break up with my gf or not, please, help me.
If you dont want to bother with the long post, Im making the important lines with bold fonts written, so those what i need adice on.
I'm 23 now, my girlfriend is 20. It was a quite hollywood story, how we met.
Both of us love to folk dance, and doing it since childhood, performing with group around country and Europe. So, middle of August, 2011 there was a huge fold dance competition taken place in Poland, groups from over 10 countries came to win the first place. All of the groups were living in the same area, just different apartaments.
On the day after we arrived, night, we (few guys of the group) decided to go out, and explore the "opportunities", and the apartament next to us was our first choice, we went inside, there were like 2 people, chatting, and were surprised what r we searching there?
We told where we came from, and looking for some party. :X So the lady told us, she happens to be the boss of the Serbian group, and she will tell her group that some hungarian guys are here. Yes, thats right, I'm from Hungary.
Minutes after, some girls and boys came downstairs, few of them sat by our table, some of them went to other. And there was she, by our table, my beautiful serbian dreamgirl. Have to admit tho, at first I didnt pay too much attention to her, so she went mad, and took it as a challenge, since i was so pissing her off.
And then I started to enjoy our little game, which ended up that we talked the whole night through, made out, and went to her room which she shared with few girls, but they made it free for us, we just talked there, and had fun in chatting till morning like with no1 before. Nothing intimate happened.
After this day we met every days until we were in Poland, which means from Saturday till Friday. Then we headed home, to home country, I searched her on facebook and we are chatting ever since then, daily basis.
We managed to meet around every months, sometimes 1,5 months for a couple of days (4-7). When we meet, we feel like we wouldn't ever be apart, like we were always together, it's a crazy feeling, we feel so natural with each other.
So, here comes the topic subject:she's from Serbia, I'm from Hungary. Shes finishing the second year in medical school in Serbia, I have 1-1.5 years finishing engineer school at Hungary. We are communicating on english. We use Skype daily, but only to chat, we never voice call or phone call, rarely (means 1 per like 2 months) use the webcam. Although, we text each other daily, couple of messages, sometimes more, sometimes less. We share vereything.
The serbian culture is by far more conservative than by us, hungarians. I kinda know the circumstances now, and have to say it's really strickt with the girls especially. Her family is even worse. By the age of 20 she doesnt have much rights, she's being handled as a child, still, which she says will be like for 1-2-3 years, still.
Also, she made a mistake not telling her parents she met me in 2011, ever since then she didn't tell them. Now, she's just afraid of them telling, and being more and more afraid, I think its an evil circle now. She just afraid they would worry for her so much, if she wouldnt finish school because of me, and so on and on. I know her totally, and I understand her and I know that she really thinks this, however I do think as well, that she's making an elephant of this, but can't change this. :\
Because she's not telling, and she told me she wont be able to for quite some time (maybe year)
more, she can't travel to me, to Hungary, I'm going all the time, which makes things difficult, since the travel takes 8 hours by train, and she lives in a dorm, so she has to rent a flat for those days we meet, every single time. We were going to this same guy's flat always, but she says she feels totally uncomfortable now, feels like a hooker when she goes to rent the place. Unfortunately, we cant go to her dorm, she doesnt own a flat, and she can't come to me, Hungary, so...no other options but this.
For the record, all of her friends know me about, so it's not that she's ashamed of me or whatever, if youl wouldn't believe.
She feels stressed of this. She also getting ruined by the weight of her secret, not telling her parents, but shes just afraid to do so. She feels few times to chat boring, to sit in front of laptop.
Her friends can't believe that I wouldn't be cheating on her, so they start to put this bug on her, too.
She says, she need me everyday now, it's too little what we can spend in person, she want me more and its killing her.
Also, when she watches some couples, she thinks it could be us, and how much she wants to have these moments with me, to call me because she just needs a hug, comforting, or kiss me, but she cant...we cant go out to party with my friends or hers, and that these are so basic things, but we cant have.
She says she might will miss these thoughts more with time to time.
I think the worst thing for her is the uncertainity, we can't know when we could close the distance, or change on things to be "better". It easily can be year or years, and we just don't know. Or if we will be able ever to close...
Our honeymoon phase lasted 1 whole year, almost exactly, and I believe it would even more, but from last Septembre I had pretty much bad things happening in my life, which took me down, before that I was happy, ALWAYS positive, patient, and exciting. From last September till December I was like exchanged, total opposite. Even know I'm still recovering to the old myself.
Because of I'm being unpatient and often tired, fights became more recent, almost regular. We kinda went more distant...
Before it she was afraid by every tiny fight that we will break up, and wanted to solve it right away, not leaving angry or mad, and in the end we finished happy, the fights were gone.
But this Sept-Dec period she became tired of them, became whatever, it was like a normal thing, to fight, and go to sleep unsolved.
We talked this through around this year March, and she told me she's not in that crazy love as she were, obviosuly, she still love me a lot, but these fights ruined us, so we decided to change, and go back to the old us. I think we made it, but the little love loss and happiness loss caused that these thoughts are stronger in her, that she starts to envy of the close distance couples. She also mentioned the costs, we have to take.
I also realised, that trhough my bad period, I wasn't giving the same affection, at all. Telling her I love and care and miss...and just talk to her like that.
I think if I'd give her all these again, we could get back close to the honeymoon phase, and she would be happier, so we could function nice again, without these bad thoughts being so much in the focus.
So anyway, as I told we broke up at Sunday, I took it officially, she asked to be friends and chat and even text, still. I said okay. Right after, on Monday and Tuesday we were chatting, texting, kinda like flirting, as we always did. I still took it as official breakup, but on Tuesday it turned out, she didn't yet, she thought I still want her, she thought we are on a longer break, but still texting, and after...well, she doesn't know what then. Since she knows, she can't change on the things above, for a long time, and doesn't know if she could still take this long distance relationship, without the physical part being recent.
I have a feeling, that if I'd tell her to get together, she'd say yes. I just don't know, what is the smart or right or simply good decision to make...To get together, and live like this or breakup.
My brain tells breakup, my heart says not a chance, because we feel we are the right ones for each other, soulmates, which can't get any better...just there are these problems, these unfortunate circumstances we are living in, and we can't know for how long they will be there...
Please, help, and thank you!
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