I'm tired of hiding my LDR to my dad...

[rk1191]

Hey guys. I've been troubled and guilt ridden for awhile.. I've been sneaking around my dad because I am keeping my LDR a secret from him. I hate lying to my dad, and I hate hiding things from him. He's the best dad ever and I just want to tell him the truth, but I can't.

I was also in an LDR when I was 13. One time my dad woke me up in the morning and my phone dinged (text messaged), he saw the face of the cell phone, he said "Who's Steve? You better not be giving boys on the internet your phone number or I'll take away your internet, computer, and your cellphone." Luckily I was still groggy so I just muttered a no, and that was that.

And so that is why I am not telling my dad... I'm afraid he'll do the things he said and I wouldn't be able to talk to my SO. I didn't go out and look for some guy on the internet, I was even in denial that I had feelings for him for monthes, I even pushed myself away from him so I wouldn't fall for him.

But now my SO and I have been together for a year and a half (known each over for 2 years), and I am sneaking around my dad to see my SO. I lied when I told him I wanted to go to California by myself as my "graduation present" (my mom ended up coming). I didn't tell him why I was never home when my SO came to take me to my prom. I lied to him once about my friends wanting to take me on a cruise/Vegas when we tried to do that.

My head tells me the longer I keep a lie going, the worse it will be. I had planned to tell him in 11 monthes that I had been seeing a boy I met on the internet because we grew close, but he lives here now. If I told my dad sooner and he was okay with it, I'd be able to see my SO more often. I don't know what he'll be upset with, that I hid this from him and lied, or that I was seeing a boy on the internet. My sister is on my back constantly about it. She doesn't understand that the things she says hurts me. I suspect its a matter of time before she is fed up and tells my dad myself, she's dropped hints before. "Well, I don't get my men on the internet..." right infront of him.

I know the best time to tell him is when my SO lives here, because I feel it'd be easier to take it more seriously..I just need to wait and have patience and it will all work out. But I don't know what to do... I need opinions. Thanks if you read this all, it was mostly my mind running off at the keyboard... lol

[annamorgan]

First of all, how old are you?

[noodle]

I know exactly how you feel
I basically had the same problem...
my first LDR was when I was 15 and it sorta kinda made me an unhappy kid or whatever so my parents where against any LDRs and even friendships over the internet.
compared to you I havent met my bf yet but my parents do know, tho I guess you're better at hidin it than I was x)
Than I again I could tell my parents, they're not super happy with it and wont let me go see him but at least they know about it and they're not takin away my laptop etc so like I can tell that my parents were more or less cool with it
But like I know my bfs parents dont know about me :/ and they're pretty strict... Im pretty sure they'd turn down my bf on phone, internet etc completely if they knew he was still talkin to me
I think you know your dad best, plus if you already met your SO you can partially tell the truth and partially not I mean like tell your dad you met him on your graduation but since he lives further away its a LDR right now That's what I'd do ^_^
Hope it works out for you! And keep us updated

[rk1191]

Thanks for the (really fast) replies.

annamorgan: I'm 18.

noodle: I COULD tell my dad that I met him at graduation, but that would be lying again.

[folclor]

If you've met in person there's no issue, really, just start out by saying a friend introduced you two (if that's the case) or say that you ended up talking to this guy, and then you ran into each other on some trip and he should be fine with it. ^^; parents can be more understanding than you think.

[annamorgan]

well honestly, if you're 18, you can make your own decisions. you're a legal adult, and if your dad has a problem with it, he needs to realize that you aren't 10, you ARE aware of the dangers out there, and this is your life. but if you are truly terrified to tell him, just wait till your SO lives by you? you'll figure something out, i'm sure.

[LadyMarchHare]

While I understand covering the situation with "we met at x" I still consider that lying and I personally don't condone it. My opinion, though.

I was in a similar situation with my mom only I lasted about a week before telling her because honestly I love my mom even if she's from an era when there was still segregation, women couldn't wear pants on the college campus, and Christianity had a better reign and a stronger pimp hand for those 'out of line'. What I ended up with was 20-30 minutes of a lecture that had me in tears. HOWEVER, that was back 5 months ago. Now my mom still isn't quite accepting (racism and all that, plus she met my dad LD and he turned out to be an asshole) but she knows that my SO is someone I love and care about and that I trust him so she doesn't rag on me as much as I thought she would nor did she try breaking communication between us.

If you're scared your dad will take away your phone and internet I could suggest getting a job if you don't already have one and paying for at least one of those services so legally he can't bar communication. (if he takes away a cell you paid for you could technically call the cops) But I think from your post you kinda wanna get this over with so it's best just to be blunt. Sit him down and tell him you've been dating someone, don't answer questions, and talk about the good qualities in this guy and what you see happening in the future with him just as you would with someone CD. See what his reaction is, answer a few questions here and there that you feel comfortable answering, then add on: "the only problem is, he lives in x." If he asks if you met via internet, be honest if you want to, but try your best to remain calm and above all things mature. Would really ruin everything if you tell him "well I'm 18 I'm an adult I can see who I want" because you're not PROVING you're an adult by flaunting the bare minimum adult age around like you won the Nobel Peace Prize. You may get a bad reaction but offer for your dad to talk to him either via phone or webcam (warn your guy ahead of time for the possible daddy rant) so that he can see for himself that the guy's real and means business with you two as far as the relationship.

You can't make him like your boyfriend, but unless you try you've already failed and the longer you wait the worse your dad may feel about you keeping things like this from him. Parents are supposed to trust their kids and vice versa so finding stuff like this after a long while bruises the trust.

[Èternity]

Agreed absolutely. As an adult you can make your own decisions, it's in the way you do it. How you do it, contributes to getting the respect you want from your parent/s to enable you to make bigger decisions and become more independent while still keeping their support and encouragement. This is especially true if you are financially dependent on them. Write a list of your dad's concerns, whatever you think they are and then write how you will address them. Work out how much you want to tell him, when, why and what to do if it doesn't go to plan. Write it all down and you may decide to put it off for awhile or it may convince you now is the time. Talk to your SO about this, can they help you with the list and the prep for the talk if you go ahead. Are they behind you on this? Keep us updated!

[Butterfly-x]

Looool. Im in the same boat. I'm 18 and have been with my boy for over a year and a half. I cant tell my parents about my relationship cause they are the least understanding human beings in the world, not to mention controlling. I lie cause i've no choice and not because i enjoy it. I also have to hide my relationship cause i will not subject it to their poisonous comments and attempts to control me further. My dad is withholding my passport and refuses to give it to me til im 21(when i graduate college), however before he got hold of it, i managed to find my way to Portugal to see my boy

I dont even plan on informing them about my relationship til i graduate. Then, if they want to talk sh*t, they can!
Grr... i really do hate difficult parents.

Good luck with whatever choice you make! x

[Silviar]

Well, technically you're 18 and you're not required to obey your parents legally, but you may be in a situation since you're living with your dad and you have had to keep it private. A couple of thoughts:

1) Technically, you don't have to tell him anything - it's your relationship, and you've every right to keep it private. I dated a lot of guys and never told my parents. However, you wanting to tell your dad, I think, speaks of wanting to take it to the next level.

2) 18 is really far from 13. Five years ago, meeting online wasn't as common as it is now, and frankly, I would be concerned about my 13 year old meeting someone online too, not because all online people are scary, but a lot of predators do target teenagers online. You're not in the same place in life now, and neither is your dad.

3) The best way to do it is to just be honest and upfront. Sit your dad down and tell him you've got someone you're really interested in, and you took your time because you wanted to be sure, but you like them enough you want them to meet your family. Explain that you've known each other a long time, and that you're ready to take it to the next level safely - you've met, and you want to keep seeing each other and just take the conversation from there.

Good luck!

[paulawriteslove]

I think that it is best for you to tell the truth to your dad. I was scared to tell my dad at first, but my dad loves my boyfriend, that it doesn't matter anymore.
I think your dad will appreciate you telling the truth. Good luck!

[MTK]

As other people have stated you're 18 and therefore a legal adult with your own right to make your decisions. You said that your dad is the best dad ever, so why not sit him down and tell him that you have met someone over the internet that means a lot to you but you have been afraid to tell you dad about it because you feared his reactions but you can't stand lying to him anymore and want a clean slate.
I believe that if you honestly convey that you are happy and that this is what you want then your dad will be happy. Maybe he will need some time to adjust but it is a lot of information to get.
Maybe mention how long you have been together and the fact that nothing has happened to you so you can squash the notion that your SO might be an axe murderer.

[Rhiavaan]

*old persons opinion*

My daughter is going to be 16 and she spoke to me calmly and maturely about her LDR (it is over now but that is beside the point). If you are calm, mature and rational we tend to listen better, even respect you more. Yes, it is hard to start the conversation but meet his eyes, show your sincerity. I am sure, unless he is a caveman, he will understand. Granted, he might not like it but he also might grin and say 'I know.' We tend to see things that kids try to hide from us. Not to mention you are of legal age my dear. Good luck, keep us updated.

[rk1191]

I told him, and its alright now. He was super cool about it and treats it as though its a CDR. Deep in my heart I knew he would react the way he did, I was just scared.

Thank you guys for the advice and giving me the courage to tell him. I'm glad I did Now I can put "In a Relationship" with my SO on facebook :P

[LadyMarchHare]

I'm glad it worked out for you. I guess he is an awesome dad after all!