How to support SO, his dad was sent to hospice last nite

[temporaryuser]

My SO is an EMT, and is getting his masters in nursing. He knew this was coming, as the drs had been telling his dad for the past 10 years that he needed a pacemaker and dialysis.
SO starts his next classes Wed. They are giving his dad 1-4 weeks Mentally he was prepared for the news, emotionally, you never can be. i will go up there when he passes, but how do I support him in the mean time. he has got to go to class and do well, or they will push him into the next session in August (he is supposed to graduate in December and move down here)
he will have little time to talk, between class Mon-Fri 8-3, working half days and spending as much time with his dad as possible
He knows I am here for him, but times like this, when you just need a shuolder to cry on, a hand to hold for comfort, he doesnt have...and it sucks

[Verojoon]

I think all you can do is be available for him when he needs you. It sounds like he is very busy and in this case it's probably a very good thing... *hugs* It must be very difficult to see your loved one going through something like that from far away!

[JoeyBug]

I've been in a similar situation but it was me who lost someone and not my SO. Coming from that perspective, I can just say be there for him. It helped me so much when I could just text Scott and he'd call knowing from the words I used that I needed to cry and talk to him. You're right that you are never ready to lose someone, especially someone like your father.

Scott had had the privilege of meeting my nan (she died in 2011 and he met her when he was here in 2010) and due to her dementia, she thought I had married him and would tell me what a lovely man he was and how I'd chosen the right one..when Nan finally passed, I just sent a two word text "she's gone" and he was on the phone in seconds, despite it being a time when he was at work. He sent sympathy cards to both my parents (they're separated) and although he couldn't come to the funeral, he did stay by the phone in case I needed him, and in the end he called my mobile and I kept it on speaker so he could hear the service.

I am so sorry that your SO is going through this, and at a time when he has other matters to deal with too. You can't do much from a distance, but you can be there for him whenever he needs you, be aware that he may pull away for a while, it may be his way of coping and just allow him to have that space and tell him that when he needs to talk you'll be there. Maybe sent supportive texts every day but don't think it always has to be about his father, hearing about your life and your day may be something that helps him as well. It did for me, I would sometimes text him and tell him I'd done X and I loved when he would just talk about his stuff too, it helped me keep grounded.

Most of all though, for both of you. It is never easy to lose a loved one.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

My SO and I have both lost people since we've been together. The best thing you can do is be there for him when he needs to talk, let him talk about it or not talk about it, really try to keep everything as low pressured and accessible as possible and try not to take it too personally if he just needs some time.

It's really difficult being in both positions, it's almost worse when you're the supportive one, because it's not easy to know what someone's thinking when they're grieving. When you are the one grieving, you can be needy and sad, and the best best thing when you're grieving is just having someone be nice and understanding and flexible.

There's not much advice we can really give you, because everyone grieves in different ways. And for the most part, you'll find a way to muddle yourselves through the painful moments, and if you come out of it all still holding hands, you know you did it right.

[digitalfever]

This is coming from some that had a loved one put Ito a hospice.

I don't think there is much you can do. Even if you are there for him this will be a lonely time regardless. The best you can do is make yourself available to him when you can and allow him space. Also..., to understand he may act differently and lash out.

[dukes2011]

\I don't think there's much you can do except be there for him. During a difficult time in a person's life that means a lot and I'm sure he will appreciate it. I will be keeping you, your SO, and his family in my thoughts and prayers. *hugs*