dont know what to do :s

[jeenapp]

hi i hope someone could give me some advice, im at university and so it my SO but we're so far apart and recently we've been having so many arguments because he thinks im too childish and i dont think enough, and usually i talk to him and we work things out but the last time he told me to stop talking to him i did and now he seems as if he doesnt want to talk to me at all.. he can get angry over tiny things but i can usually calm him down and we talk and work it out but this time he's ignoring my calls and texts so i dont know what to do... we're both doing exams at the moment so i want us to sort it out soon so i can get on with my work without too many distractions and i hoped he would want that too but it doesnt seem to be affecting him... i was also planning on going to see him as soon as exams were over i dont know if i should cancel my ticket or not now because i cant talk to him and find out what he wants.
theres been a few times where hes thought about us breaking up and im scared he will want that again and i really dont think i can deal with a break up right now with all the work i have to do and i really love him and want us to be together
last time we fought i said that next time we will break up if thats what he really wants, but i dont know what to do because i really dont want it to end.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

Firstly, I think you need to take a little bit of time and calm down. Have a cup of tea and a biscuit, and give yourself a chance to relax so you can think this through properly.

I'm mid-exams too, so I can sympathise. I think what's probably happened is that he's stressing about exams, and he doesn't have time to fight with you, talk it through, and do all the making up after. Both your time right now is precious, and arguments are rarely just five minutes long, they're more likely to be half an hour to a couple of hours long. Maybe what he can see is this argument carrying on longer and longer, and he really doesn't have the time. You sending him more and more texts and calls is probably distracting him from his work, and making him more annoyed. I know it's hard not to bug him, I'm exactly the same as you, I like to sort things through so I can get on with what I'm doing, but sometimes people just need time to cool off. If he's ignoring you, as much as that isn't a particularly mature reaction, he probably wants a bit of space. If you keep bugging him, you're only going to provoke a negative reaction. Let him calm down, calm down yourself, and try and focus on something else for a bit. You're much more likely to have a productive and positive conversation about your argument when you've both gathered your thoughts.

I'd also relax on the "should I cancel my flights". Don't make any decisions until you've had time to talk. You don't even know where his head's at yet, and whether he actually wants to break up.

On the "last time we fought I said that next time we will break up if that's what he really wants", I think saying sentences like that are counter-productive. For one, you're relying on YOU not making the same argument mistakes that you have before, and realistically, finding an appropriate way to argue is not just something you can do overnight. It takes time and work and patience. Another point is, it puts the weight of the relationship on his shoulders, which isn't fair to either of you. You put the decisions on the future of the relationship in solely his hands, while also making him carry the whole responsibility for it. In a relationship, when negotiating terms, you should only speak for yourself. If the fights are getting so bad he doesn't want to be together, it's up to him to say it, not up to you to say it for him. You saying it suggests that YOU want to break up. Which might not be true, but that's what he might read from it.

Give him some time and space. Then talk through your problem very calmly and non-threateningly. I think this problem isn't really about whatever you're fighting about but about how you're fighting, and there are ways to fight better, and you can do it.

[jeenapp]

thank you, i do need to leave my phone alone for a bit and try stop texting/calling him
i think he has calmed down a little coz he asked me what i have to say but maybe he's just saying it coz ive been bugging him, i dont know what to say to him though... i want to stay with him but i dont want to assume he doesnt want to be with me so i dont want to say anything about that but i dont know what else i can say to him.
should i leave it for longer or say something, but i dont know what i can say to help the situation
your advice has been really helpful though