After a year apart?

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

In about two months, my SO and I are sort-of closing the distance. He's coming here for uni, we're going to be going to separate unis (only a couple of hours by train, but that's way easier to manage than opposite sides of the planet), but when he does get here, it'll have been a year since we last saw each other.

Before this, our time apart has only really been five/six months at a time, but with trying to save so he can go to university, and me not being able to leave because I'm in uni, this is our longest time apart. And I'm a bit nervous. I found it relatively easy to slip back into the swing of things after five months apart, but this time's been a lot longer, and I'm anxious that it'll be harder than I want it to be. Being in person and being apart can be such completely different experiences, and it's been so long, I really don't know what to expect.

For those of you who've spent extensive times apart between visits, are there any tips you can give me? Is there anything I can do to make things go more smoothly? Anything I should be expecting that I haven't thought of yet?

[Jazi]

I know I can't give advice from the long time apart experience... But I'm posting anyway

I always get that uneasy feeling - regardless of if it's been a month between a trip or 4 months.. What I always find is that within an hour of being with him my fears were completely silly... You are still you, he is still him... you two are still committed to your relationship so all the basics are still there.

The only thing I would think would take adjusting/figuring out your dynamic would be the fact that he is now living in the same country and you don't have that 'LDR' dynamic anymore.. It'll just take some time and open-mindedness to see what "CDR" looks like for you guys.. I'm closing the distance this year too (as you know) and those things worry me too, what being a CDR couple will 'look' and feel like.. it's definitely an adjustment and will probably take a little time to feel comfortable in your new relationship dynamic.

Try not to analyze it too much.. the more we worry the more we create those issues . You guys will do great closing the distance, you've been waiting for this! just be patient with yourself and with him to get to that good place.

[digitalfever]

I think understanding that you can't not live your life while apart is the main thing here. I know when I was LD the fact that I have expectations, goals and daily events really made it seem like time would fly. Sometimes I'd think about trips I took, friends events and think "oh my gosh it feels like that happened two weeks ago!" but in reality it was a month or so ago. I know it sounds typical but keeping busy for a purpose really helps!

[kittyo9]

I don't think it will really be any different. I haven't seen my SO for something like 9 months and we didn't meet until after 2 years... but honestly, even meeting for the first time, it only took a few hours to get completely comfortable with one another. Whether only a few months or over a year, I think the only difference is how you handle the time in between. If you are maintaining your relationship as you always have, I think you have nothing to worry about.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I always get that uneasy feeling - regardless of if it's been a month between a trip or 4 months.. What I always find is that within an hour of being with him my fears were completely silly... You are still you, he is still him... you two are still committed to your relationship so all the basics are still there.

..You guys will do great closing the distance, you've been waiting for this! just be patient with yourself and with him to get to that good place.

Thanks Jazi I relate to the anxiety thing, it just feels so much bigger this time. I don't know whether that's because it's closing the distance somewhat or because we've spent so long apart. :S

I think understanding that you can't not live your life while apart is the main thing here. I know when I was LD the fact that I have expectations, goals and daily events really made it seem like time would fly. Sometimes I'd think about trips I took, friends events and think "oh my gosh it feels like that happened two weeks ago!" but in reality it was a month or so ago. I know it sounds typical but keeping busy for a purpose really helps!

I think the 'living your life' thing is part of my problem. We're both very independent people, we both have our own lives, and time has gone quite quickly because so much has happened. The thing is, so much has happened to us independently in the past year, is it going to affect us fitting back into each others lives? Particularly because I've done most of the visiting to him... he's not really spent much time in my life on my turf.

[abna1]

What I always find is that within an hour of being with him my fears were completely silly... You are still you, he is still him... you two are still committed to your relationship so all the basics are still there.

That's very true !

There were 8 months between my last two visits to see my SO and to be honest, I was a bit worried that things were going to be different, too. Especially cos we hadn't known each other for that long before I left. I was so nervous, but the moment I saw him it all went away and it was perfectly fine. I'm sure it will be for you too.

And how great is it that you'll be living in the same country ! It seems funny that some people would still consider you guys to be long distance cos he's a few hours away, but compared to the distance that's been between you that's just fantastic. I even think it's quite a good start to your CDR this way because you'll be close enough to see each other very often but he will still be able to make some new friends and adjust to a new country for himself too which might cause you less problems down the line. Especially after reading some of the problems people are having recently on here (partners being homesick or depressed after closing the distance)

Hope everything goes well for you guys