Help please :\

[oxytocinbite]

I have never really liked my life, I don't get out. I have never had a real life friend, just online. I always get really sad a lot...but lately I have been feeling so depressed. My so knows that I have depression but I am so scared that I am going to destroy our relationship. He is always getting upset because he is not here with me , I always feel guilty when he has trouble making me feel better.

I don't want him to be stressed and worrying about me , I mean we have amazing conversations and I am never snappy or mean to him.

I just want to feel happy again, I love him so much. My mom is always so depressed and negative and can be verbally abusive. I don't feel like I have a relationship with her. I just want to get a job and try to move out but I there are literally barely any jobs here. It is stressing me out!

My so is planning on moving to Boston and he is going to help me get a job and maybe move in with him in the future. It sounds amazing but I have to wait another year or more and I am falling apart living here.

Even if I wanted to get out and make friends its not really possible in my location and since I am homeschooled I can't even see people. I am also not doing any of my homework, I am so far behind...and I'm always stuck in my house. I feel like my life has always been like this. Then my father is such an asshole, he never even cared to see me and my sisters. I swear I hate him.

Then I have this thing going on with my sister Savannah, she is in a big mess and the situation is very bad. She is not living with is anymore but the sick thing is...I feel like I don't miss her or care what happens to her.

I feel like I only care about my twin and my boyfriend. I want to leave this family, this town, I'm going crazy. I'm trying to stay happy, as happy as possible. It's so hard. Everyone on this site says to stay busy and do fun things to not make the distance harder but I'm not able too.

I'm so blessed to have my So in my life and I don't know why I'm even posting this. I guess to vent really, it makes it better to know people are listening.

Sorry, this is long.

[LadyDaemon]

Hon,I know on just about every level what you're talking about. I've been dealing with my clinical depression myself since I was 13. I was on medication before but I stopped taking them. One made me crazy (literally),One didn't work & the last one when I ran out I had withdrawal from and it caused me to have an emotional breakdown. I tried therapists and stuff but none of it worked,it wound up being all about my dad. The best things I've found to do so far is to write about it. Even if it takes 20 pages and a few hours,just write. Everything that you're feeling and everything that's going on. Another is to find someone who you can talk to,someone you can trust and tell everything to,even if it's online. I know it's not the same as having them right there but it is something and every little bit helps.

I'm in the same position as well with my dad. Have been for many years. My dad is a lazy b**tard who only cares about himself and is a habitual liar. Over the years he's laid his hands on me,said things to me no man should ever say to their daughter & screamed and cussed at me. The only thing that I've realized works is finally standing up for myself. I finally quit letting him put his hands on me. Just because he's my father & helped raise me doesn't give him a right to be hateful & physical towards me. I've had to teach myself that I'm better then that and I deserve to have more respect then that. He's always been under this impression that because of his age it entitles him to do whatever he wants to,to whoever he wants to,whenever he wants to. I finally told him one day,"If you put your hands on me or talk to me in that manner again,I will make you wish you hadn't." I've done that more times then I can count & he hasn't slapped me or anything since. He talks a lot of sh*t to me,but I chalk that up to idiocy.

I've also been in the position your in with just wanting to leave and get out because of not being able to handle it anymore. That's why when I was fortunate enough to have my fiance's mom offer for me to move in with them I took it. I don't really have a job myself either. I help my mom with my brother for around $60 every 2 weeks & I can't drive. I've just inevitably discovered none of it is truly going to end until you get yourself out. Which I know is a while off for you,but please lean on your SO & while you guys are trying to figure things out try looking for some jobs and things online to kinda get the ball rolling. Also,lean on your friends and talk to them even if they are online. Sometimes the best people to talk to are the ones you don't see face to face everyday.

I know none of this probably helped or even made sense. Sometimes I'm not that great at giving advice. But if you ever need an ear I'm always around and personally I could use some good friends. I don't personally have but 1 close friend anymore. I hope everything gets better for you hon.

[Arrow]

I had issues with depression too, and I actually navigated it without the help of any SOs, psychiatrists, friends, or family. Granted, it took...what I can best describe as a miracle to get me out of it, but hey - if I can fight my way out of a situation where my classmates are arses spouting juvenile insults left and right, my parents cut me off from the only friends I actually had, and my life threw failure after failure at my face - you can too.

In my opinion, anyway, your physical well-being is more important than your mental well-being. Once you're secure on the former, the latter can be worked on with time.

My story is a long and involved one, but it's not a secret, though I would prefer to not simply post it up willy-nilly on random boards. If you're wanting it, ask me.

[dragonlady]

dont know that much about this stuff, but trying to focus on your homework and such? doesnt that help and get a little crafty?
the not getting out of the house i get i have the same problem here, i take walks with the dog that helps a little, maybe you have a little green piece over there where you could walk?

[oxytocinbite]

Hon,I know on just about every level what you're talking about. I've been dealing with my clinical depression myself since I was 13. I was on medication before but I stopped taking them. One made me crazy (literally),One didn't work & the last one when I ran out I had withdrawal from and it caused me to have an emotional breakdown. I tried therapists and stuff but none of it worked,it wound up being all about my dad. The best things I've found to do so far is to write about it. Even if it takes 20 pages and a few hours,just write. Everything that you're feeling and everything that's going on. Another is to find someone who you can talk to,someone you can trust and tell everything to,even if it's online. I know it's not the same as having them right there but it is something and every little bit helps.

I'm in the same position as well with my dad. Have been for many years. My dad is a lazy b**tard who only cares about himself and is a habitual liar. Over the years he's laid his hands on me,said things to me no man should ever say to their daughter & screamed and cussed at me. The only thing that I've realized works is finally standing up for myself. I finally quit letting him put his hands on me. Just because he's my father & helped raise me doesn't give him a right to be hateful & physical towards me. I've had to teach myself that I'm better then that and I deserve to have more respect then that. He's always been under this impression that because of his age it entitles him to do whatever he wants to,to whoever he wants to,whenever he wants to. I finally told him one day,"If you put your hands on me or talk to me in that manner again,I will make you wish you hadn't." I've done that more times then I can count & he hasn't slapped me or anything since. He talks a lot of sh*t to me,but I chalk that up to idiocy.

I've also been in the position your in with just wanting to leave and get out because of not being able to handle it anymore. That's why when I was fortunate enough to have my fiance's mom offer for me to move in with them I took it. I don't really have a job myself either. I help my mom with my brother for around $60 every 2 weeks & I can't drive. I've just inevitably discovered none of it is truly going to end until you get yourself out. Which I know is a while off for you,but please lean on your SO & while you guys are trying to figure things out try looking for some jobs and things online to kinda get the ball rolling. Also,lean on your friends and talk to them even if they are online. Sometimes the best people to talk to are the ones you don't see face to face everyday.

I know none of this probably helped or even made sense. Sometimes I'm not that great at giving advice. But if you ever need an ear I'm always around and personally I could use some good friends. I don't personally have but 1 close friend anymore. I hope everything gets better for you hon.

I think you are good at giving advice, I'm sorry about your dad being abusive...luckily mine never was to me but he did beat my mum. I guess it makes me feel better that you know how I feel. I guess I am just going to have to hold up until I can get out of here. Well since you said that you don't have any close friends, you can add me on facebook or something. I mean it may be nice. ^_^ I have not ever been on medication but I have been taking st johns wort, I don't know if you know what that is. It's like some herb or something, I don't even know if it works but I still take it. You should look into it, if you want.

[oxytocinbite]

dont know that much about this stuff, but trying to focus on your homework and such? doesnt that help and get a little crafty?
the not getting out of the house i get i have the same problem here, i take walks with the dog that helps a little, maybe you have a little green piece over there where you could walk?

well the things with depression is that it makes you not even want to do anything, I have to literally push myself to do things that I don't want to do. I usually fail. lol I like going on walks, I will try to do it more often.

[EastCoast]

My concern is that you have never met him in person. Sometimes certain chemicals are released in the brain during the newlywed period that produce a euphoria and mask depression.

I completely understand that your current living conditions are unbearable and my Mother is very much like yours and my Dad is a narcissistic sociopath, having parents like that caused me to live in a state of depression for many years. Medication made things worse, therapy saved me. And my Husband whom I met LDR, was the only person who understood me. Hopefully that is what you have, but be prepared to realize that moving to a new place doesn't erase the demons, they stay with you until you confront them. But, getting a fresh start with the opportunity to create the kind of life you want is a wonderful thing.

I applaud and support your drive to start a new life. But here is the key, do this for YOU not for him or love, consider him as a bonus. The first six months of a relationship the partners are on their best behavior, after six months and especially if you move into together the real person will submerge. And this might not match up with whom you either one of you fell in love with. That is why you have to move for yourself and not for a relationship which is a young one where you never met.

[LadyDaemon]

Don't be sorry for me honey. As evil as it is and as much as I hate my father,I have to thank him because if he & every other man I've ever known in my life (except my fiance) hadn't treated me the way they have I wouldn't be as strong as I am or have the will power I have. It taught me to fight for myself,even if it is against a man. No man ever has a right to physically or mentally hurt you. I'm also sorry that you have to endure mental abuse and that your mom has been beaten by your dad. Sometimes going through something like that makes us the kind of people we shouldn't be. I will look into the St. Johns wort. I've heard of it & some of its uses but I didn't know it could be used for that. I'll look around. And I shall go stalk you FB.

[LadyDaemon]

My concern is that you have never met him in person. Sometimes certain chemicals are released in the brain during the newlywed period that produce a euphoria and mask depression.

I completely understand that your current living conditions are unbearable and my Mother is very much like yours. I applaud and support your drive to start a new live. But here is the key, do this for YOU not for him or love, consider him as a bonus. The first six months of a relationship the partners are on their best behavior, after six months and especially if you move into together the real person will submerge. And this might not match up with whom you fell in love with. That is why you have to move for yourself and not for a relationship which is a young one where you never met.

Not to be rude but this is completely missing the point. She didn't state how long she's been with him or whether or not they've met so this is completely off base. She's not doing it strictly for him,she's doing it for herself and to be with her SO so she can be with someone who really loves and cares about her since obviously other family members don't. It's not about her relationship,it's about pulling herself out of a bad situation. She's also stating that her depression stems from life issues with her family and things she's been going through,it's not some after effect of coming out of the honeymoon phase. I think I'd ask questions in the future before making assumptions.

[oxytocinbite]

My concern is that you have never met him in person. Sometimes certain chemicals are released in the brain during the newlywed period that produce a euphoria and mask depression.

I completely understand that your current living conditions are unbearable and my Mother is very much like yours and my Dad is a narcissistic sociopath, having parents like that caused me to live in a state of depression for many years. Medication made things worse, therapy saved me. And my Husband whom I met LDR, was the only person who understood me. Hopefully that is what you have, but be prepared to realize that moving to a new place doesn't erase the demons, they stay with you until you confront them. But, getting a fresh start with the opportunity to create the kind of life you want is a wonderful thing.

I applaud and support your drive to start a new life. But here is the key, do this for YOU not for him or love, consider him as a bonus. The first six months of a relationship the partners are on their best behavior, after six months and especially if you move into together the real person will submerge. And this might not match up with whom you either one of you fell in love with. That is why you have to move for yourself and not for a relationship which is a young one where you never met.

I know, and one day I will probably be able to tell my mother and father how they have effected my life. I also don't just plan on doing this just for my boyfriend. I want to be happy for myself. I have actually met my SO once for 4 days, not that you were able to know. It was a really wonderful time though, being with him. I know the first 6 months are usually the best but I really feel like me and my SO are going to be together for a lot longer. I cant tell the future though and if something happens then it happens. I will just move into an apartment with my twin sister, which is actually the plan when I get a job and money. My so just wants to get me started on life. Also yes the thread I made is not about my SO and if we are going to last or not, it is about me getting some support and help for my well being.

[oxytocinbite]

Don't be sorry for me honey. As evil as it is and as much as I hate my father,I have to thank him because if he & every other man I've ever known in my life (except my fiance) hadn't treated me the way they have I wouldn't be as strong as I am or have the will power I have. It taught me to fight for myself,even if it is against a man. No man ever has a right to physically or mentally hurt you. I'm also sorry that you have to endure mental abuse and that your mom has been beaten by your dad. Sometimes going through something like that makes us the kind of people we shouldn't be. I will look into the St. Johns wort. I've heard of it & some of its uses but I didn't know it could be used for that. I'll look around. And I shall go stalk you FB.

You can search xena_bites@yahoo.com and find me on there. Thanks for the support and everything

[LadyDaemon]

You can search xena_bites@yahoo.com and find me on there. Thanks for the support and everything

You're quite welcome.