help please? :(

[jeenapp]

ive been feeling really down lately coz ive been stressed about exams and havent seen my boyfriend for almost 2 months and now hes saying we shouldnt talk for a while coz we both have exams and need to concentrate. i understand that he doesnt need distractions but ive spoken to him everyday for the past 2 years and dont think i can handle it coz i think about him all day. i dont know if i should just deal with it and leave him alone for the next 2 weeks or occasionally text him, but it seems to annoy him when i do text him its just that i find it hard.

i feel almost like its the beginning of the end of our relationship if we stop talking, because we've been rocky for a little while and this isnt making me feel better about it. i'm also supposed to be seeing him in 2 weeks time but should i cancel my ticket if he ends up not wanting to be with me after having this break.

i really love him and dont want to affect his exams but im finding it hard to let go and he's quite stubborn so i dont think he'll decide he wants to talk to me first now hes told me not to talk to him for a while

please help, i'm really confused and down about it so i dont know what to do to help the situation.

[lyonsgirl]

If he's asking you to focus on your exams so he can focus on his, focus on your exams. From what I've interpreted, he asked nicely. I'm sorry your relationship has been a little rocky, but I imagine it's partly due to the stress that exams cause.

[jeenapp]

he hasnt exactly asked nicely, hes basically told me to 'go away' and that he doesnt 'give a f*** about what i have to say right now' he's also made out that his exams are so much more important and way harder than mine which made me annoyed so i said 'good luck with your exams xxxx' and he told me that i should stop caring coz usually i never care about him and i shouldnt start now, when he clearly knows i care about him and he said 'i dont need ur x's'

[Black_Halloween]

Uhh....honestly he shouldn't be talking to you like that. He sounds like a douche bag and you're better off without him.

[jeenapp]

he can be pretty mean and ive thought about ending it but i love him a lot and when hes not stressed or angry he can be really lovely and sweet so i dont know what to do

[Black_Halloween]

Verbal abuse isn't okay and you need to let him know that.

[ThePiedPiper]

I agree with BH. This is verbal abuse whether you want to admit it or not. If someone hits you, it doesn't matter how many bouquets of flowers they bring you. Same thing goes for verbal abuse.

[chizatlauren]

Sounds like a bit of a douche... But wait til you finish your exams first then talk about the status of your relationship. If things go downhill from the first day you don't communicate, then that means he doesn't want the relationship anymore.

[jeenapp]

i know its abusive what hes saying and today i told him that and he seemed to cut down a bit but i kind of think thats just the way he speaks. and we havent even not spoken for one day because i keep texting and it kind of feels like id rather argue with him than not talk to him at all.
its kind of my fault for annoying him and not leaving him alone but im finding it really difficult.

[Black_Halloween]

Look, you can cover it up and put a bow on it by coming up with excuses all you want but verbal abuse is verbal abuse and he should not be saying those things at all to you. You blaming yourself for his behavior is just another sign that you're in an abusive relationship with this guy. I don't care if you bug him or not no guy should be treating you that way.

[Dezface]

I agree with BH and PiedPiper. His behavior is not OK and he's manipulating you to blame it on yourself. Hopefully you'll realize what he's doing and get out before it gets any worse.

[LadyDaemon]

I agree with BH & Piper also. That's how abusive relationships start & are in their entirety the whole time they're going on. It starts with him being an a*s every now & again when he gets mad,then he stops or makes up for it for a little while and then it starts all over again and becomes more frequent,then he winds up manipulating you into believing it's because of you. After that it just turns into a repetitive cycle. I don't care if you flew all the way there & put a bag of doo on his front porch & set it on fire & then left because you thought it was funny. It's still not right. If I were you I'd give him his space but I'd watch his behavior and how he acts and reacts towards you for a while. If things get any worse,I don't care how much you love him,get out of it. Love is not meant to be used to be cruel,manipulative of the other person or to harm them physically or mentally.

[Arrow]

He could be like me and have some anger management issues. I'unno about what he does or how he says what he says, but should you decide to keep going with your relationship, try being more assertive and pressuring him into saying what's on his mind. At least, that's what I do with my SO.

I admit, there are times when I get really mad and I sometimes even tend to break objects. I draw the line at the irreplaceable - items with sentimental value, stuff you need to survive, physical/mental well being, etc. As mad as I get, I'd never forgive myself if I did something to something like that.

But in any case, if you feel that the good he brings out in you belies all the negativity you're feeling, then consider my aforementioned tactics. I can't say much though 'cause I don't know you guys personally, so I won't go and say something like "You should definitely stay" or "You should definitely leave".

[Hollandia]

My ex was emotionally abusive and when the relationship was falling apart it got physical. People that don't respect you will almost always get worse. Once you marry and/or have kids you are now really their property and so you now have given them, in their heads, the right to treat you even more so. I lived on eggshells for years. I got used to trying to appease him and to this day I flinch if you surprise me. The worst thing is he was emotionally abusive to my kid too. You need to think about what type of a father you want for your kids as well as your own life. If somebody treats you like crap when you are first dating..............run.

[jeenapp]

thanks for all the advice, it has really helped and i just recently said to him that he needs to stop getting angry over such small things and he has calmed down but at the moment thats not my biggest concern coz i havent seen him in ages. all i want is to talk to him and for him to talk to me because we havent spoken properly in a while. i know i should give him space to revise but i cant help but keep thinking that i need to talk to him coz theres never been a day when i havent spoken to him in the last 2 years and i feel like if i stop now it will be the beginning of the end of the relationship.
i want to ask him to just text me once a day to say goodmorning or something little like that til exams are over but is that too much to ask?