help please? :(

[ThePiedPiper]

Yes. When he's communicated that he wants to stop talking so he can focus on his exams, yes, it's too much to ask. You are in an unhealthy relationship that you don't care if it's unhealthy because you're too dependent on your SO being your world. In all honesty, his is probably good for you. He's asked for space so he can study. Now you have to give it to him. Put your phone away, stop staring at your IM programs, etc. and concentrate on studying for your own exams. Break it up by going out with friends or spending time with family or pets or however you like to spend your free time. Look and see what's going on at your school during exam time, because sometimes they have mixers specifically for people who need a break from their exam. Wait until your SO contacts you (though I don't encourage the relationship primarily because his backing off once is his not backing off for the rest of your relationship).

[Black_Halloween]

Yes. When he's communicated that he wants to stop talking so he can focus on his exams, yes, it's too much to ask. You are in an unhealthy relationship that you don't care if it's unhealthy because you're too dependent on your SO being your world. In all honesty, his is probably good for you. He's asked for space so he can study. Now you have to give it to him. Put your phone away, stop staring at your IM programs, etc. and concentrate on studying for your own exams. Break it up by going out with friends or spending time with family or pets or however you like to spend your free time. Look and see what's going on at your school during exam time, because sometimes they have mixers specifically for people who need a break from their exam. Wait until your SO contacts you (though I don't encourage the relationship primarily because his backing off once is his not backing off for the rest of your relationship).

Agreed.

[LadyDaemon]

Yes. When he's communicated that he wants to stop talking so he can focus on his exams, yes, it's too much to ask. You are in an unhealthy relationship that you don't care if it's unhealthy because you're too dependent on your SO being your world. In all honesty, his is probably good for you. He's asked for space so he can study. Now you have to give it to him. Put your phone away, stop staring at your IM programs, etc. and concentrate on studying for your own exams. Break it up by going out with friends or spending time with family or pets or however you like to spend your free time. Look and see what's going on at your school during exam time, because sometimes they have mixers specifically for people who need a break from their exam. Wait until your SO contacts you (though I don't encourage the relationship primarily because his backing off once is his not backing off for the rest of your relationship).

All.Of.This.

[kattermole]

its kind of my fault for annoying him and not leaving him alone but im finding it really difficult.

No, it's never your fault when your partner is abusive towards you like that.
BH is spot on with her comment about blaming yourself being a typical sign.

Edit: Oh didn't see there was a page two to this What PP said!

[jeenapp]

so since u all agreed i decided not to talk to him but then he text me last night so now im confused about what to do? do i still not talk to him or do i carry on talking to him til he tells me not to again?

[Ahava]

I was in a relationship like that for ten years. My ex basicly told me when I could talk to him and when not to. Same with when I could touch him etc. He had all these rules and regulations about everything. For instance I used to touch him in a wrong way. (Just talking about like stroking his cheek or something, I was too gentle). Basicly everything I did or said was wrong.
It's so lovely been with someone who is relaxed and likes you for the way you are and doesnt try to change you.
My current SO is the best thing that has happened to me and he makes me loved and sane
Because of him I feel I am worthy and a good person.
I also had all the guilt in my past relationship. It was all my fault. I was the reason he got angry or behaved in a way he did.
He also broke a lot things, even valuable things and in a couple of our flats there were holes that he had smashed with his fist.
He never hit me but I believe I could have easily got him to that point if I wanted to.

With my current So I don't have to think if I'm allowed to do something or think what I say, how I say it, how I act.
It's pure freedom!

Pleaso don't prison yourself in a relationship like that!

[jeenapp]

i dont understand, you're all saying its verbal abuse and i should be able to do what i want in a relationship but you're also saying i shouldnt do what i want to do and talk to him. it makes no sense...

anyway ive kind of been speaking to him since he said sorry and has been replying to my texts so i guess i was right in the first place and should talk to him when i want to

[LadyDaemon]

i dont understand, you're all saying its verbal abuse and i should be able to do what i want in a relationship but you're also saying i shouldnt do what i want to do and talk to him. it makes no sense...

anyway ive kind of been speaking to him since he said sorry and has been replying to my texts so i guess i was right in the first place and should talk to him when i want to

Nobody is saying do what you want or not do what you want. We're saying give him space so he can concentrate on his exams if he needs it. But don't let that man speak to you in an abusive or controlling way like he did. Just watch him and yourself and if it gets beyond where it is now,then leave.

(Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong here people lol)

[ThePiedPiper]

i dont understand, you're all saying its verbal abuse and i should be able to do what i want in a relationship but you're also saying i shouldnt do what i want to do and talk to him. it makes no sense...

anyway ive kind of been speaking to him since he said sorry and has been replying to my texts so i guess i was right in the first place and should talk to him when i want to

Ehm, no. We're saying that having someone curse at you and love you only when it's convenient for them and make you feel bad every other time = emotional abuse. I don't believe anyone told you that you should "do what you want, yeah, you go girl" in the same breath as calling out as his abuse. We're also saying that since you refuse to leave this relationship or assert the fact that this isn't okay (I guarantee he will talk to you in the future like he did to you in the ways you mentioned in this thread), you should give him the space he's asking for. One is saying you shouldn't tolerate the abuse and the other is saying since you're going to regardless of what we say, you need to respect the space he asked for so he can focus on finals. I don't think anyone said you should be able to do what you want in a relationship in the context you're claiming...

[LadyDaemon]

Ehm, no. We're saying that having someone curse at you and love you only when it's convenient for them and make you feel bad every other time = emotional abuse. I don't believe anyone told you that you should "do what you want, yeah, you go girl" in the same breath as calling out as his abuse. We're also saying that since you refuse to leave this relationship or assert the fact that this isn't okay (I guarantee he will talk to you in the future like he did to you in the ways you mentioned in this thread), you should give him the space he's asking for. One is saying you shouldn't tolerate the abuse and the other is saying since you're going to regardless of what we say, you need to respect the space he asked for so he can focus on finals. I don't think anyone said you should be able to do what you want in a relationship in the context you're claiming...

This. All of this. She explained it much better then I did lol.

[Hollandia]

i dont understand, you're all saying its verbal abuse and i should be able to do what i want in a relationship but you're also saying i shouldnt do what i want to do and talk to him. it makes no sense...

anyway ive kind of been speaking to him since he said sorry and has been replying to my texts so i guess i was right in the first place and should talk to him when i want to

We offer advice and suggestions. You are a grown woman and will do what you choose to do.

If it is abuse then get out. If not, then you two can work it through. You should still respect someone's space if they ask you too. Just because it turned out okay that you ignored his wishes this time does not mean it was right to do so. Two wrongs don't make a right. How would you feel if he tanked on his exams because of the extra stress?

[Kristin91]

i know its abusive what hes saying and today i told him that and he seemed to cut down a bit but i kind of think thats just the way he speaks. and we havent even not spoken for one day because i keep texting and it kind of feels like id rather argue with him than not talk to him at all.
its kind of my fault for annoying him and not leaving him alone but im finding it really difficult.

You need to stop making excuses for him. He's abusing you. Period. It's never your fault for the way that he talks to you and the things that he's said. You're the one that asked for advice, we gave it to you. You can take it or leave it, but I wish you the best of luck.

[digitalfever]

I think your situation is pretty simple:

1. Change your life by leaving the relationship
2. Stay

Make a decision and commit to it.

[Hyacinth]

You are emotionally dependent on him. That's unhealthy. And he doesn't even reciprocate.
If I were emotionally dependent on someone, I'd rather it be a person who needs me in the same way.
And this is just me but if your partner has a valid reason and asks for space, you give it. Cos I know if I need time off and he won't give it to me, I'd feel trapped.

[jeenapp]

thanks anyway
ive done what i need to do and think is right so ill see where it goes from here