LDR after Divorce...the story continues

[monkinlove]

Hey Everyone,

I feel bad that I haven't posted on here for a while. It's been a rough couple of months.

Part of it being rough was my "possible" significant other who is going through the divorce process and who is also very introverted needed about a month of alone time. We still corresponded some through texting, but she was very stressed with a new job and still going through the process of finalizing the divorce. It was difficult for me to do so, but I respected her wishes and didn't call her for 3 or 4 weeks. At one point, I almost just threw in the towel on the whole thing. I felt like I was texting thin air. However, something keeps telling me to stick with it. So I have and I'm starting to see some fruit (for lack of a better term) of staying with it.

We had a good conversation the other night. Our first in a while. She apologized to me saying that if I felt she was ignoring me, that wasn't what she was doing. She just needed time to decompress from a stressful job. However, not the job is getting a bit easier, her divorce seems to be wrapping up really well and in her favor, and things are looking better. She seems to feel better about life. Which is a good thing She thanked me for helping her find two great attorneys (I have worked in the legal field and family law). So that was nice to hear.

So I'm just trying to take this relationship moment by moment. Trying to be a good friend for her as she gets past this difficult time in her life. This is all going with what many people on here told me to do and gave me advice on which has been super helpful and again I thank everyone. The key is patients. I can be a patient person, but with relationships I tend to want to rush.

As I've said before. I want to do this right and I don't want to meet up with her until after her divorce. Even if we are just meeting as friends. She has said before she is up for celebrating after her divorce. I won't push that. I'll play it by ear. I don't know how she will be after the actual divorce. I don't want to push it, but I also don't want to miss a good opportunity to hang out.

Last night night she talked about the desire to have someone there to back her up in life. She didn't come off as being co-dependent, but more that general desire (I think anyone has) to want someone there in your corner. There with you. It sounded healthy and good for our relationship in the sense that she shared that and some other stories about her past with me. I'm really really trying not to be the "rebound" guy and I'm also trying to not be the "just friends" guy either. I think we are heading in the right direction. Any thoughts shared is always valuable. Thank you in advance.

-Monk wanting to fall deeply in Love with this woman.

[dragonlady]

sounds like you'r doing everything right! once the divorce is trough is must be a relief for her
as long as you make sure that she knows you are in love with her and that you want to be there on all levels not just friend
good luck!!

[monkinlove]

sounds like you'r doing everything right! once the divorce is trough is must be a relief for her
as long as you make sure that she knows you are in love with her and that you want to be there on all levels not just friend
good luck!!

Thanks Dragonlady. =] Yeah, the divorce will be a huge relief for her. It will be uncharted water for both of us after that point. Excited but scared.

What you said about letting her know that I want to be there on all levels and not just friends is interesting. Although we met on a dating site, that I've expressed my interest in her, and I've even mentioned going out on a date of sort (after the divorce), that desire and intention still needs to be communicated in some way. The cool thing is, we both have been doing so in a round about way. Like this last conversation we both talked about wanting someone there in our lives to be in our corner, to be there for us, to back us up. I told her even guys want that in life, but sometimes we act too macho to admit it. We both seem to talk about a relationship without actually talking about it directly.

She also continues to share personal things with me about her past and present. She is open and trusting with me. I know something is there. I just want to go about it right and nurture it.

[dragonlady]

hihi sounds like you'r both beating around the bush (nothing hately meant by that)
think it would be wise to tell it to her bluntly then atleast you would be sure!
you could ask her if she would like to be you'r GF (bit child's but good for a giggle)
or say that you would like to fullfill the place of that SO in her life
life is to short to stay in the dark or hoping that another will catch the hints
hope you get what i mean

[leonsfangirl]

I've been where your girl is. Stay strong for her through all the crap and your in my friend.

My SO and I beat around the bush for a long time till we had an argument and just blurted it all out. He was my support through my divorce and all the other stuff entangled in it but we both would have just danced around the obvious unless we had that fight.
I say, choose your time and tell her how you feel.

[monkinlove]

hihi sounds like you'r both beating around the bush (nothing hately meant by that)
think it would be wise to tell it to her bluntly then atleast you would be sure!
you could ask her if she would like to be you'r GF (bit child's but good for a giggle)
or say that you would like to fullfill the place of that SO in her life
life is to short to stay in the dark or hoping that another will catch the hints
hope you get what i mean

yeah, there will be a time to definitely clarify the relationship. I'm trying not to rush things. I tried to rush them a bit before to at least meet up for coffee (she lives about 8 hours away), but she definitely wanted to meet when she was in a better place and things were not so chaotic for her. Which is appropriate. But you are right, life is short and both us should really work toward something understanding where each one of us is at. Thank you for the comment and advice. =]

[monkinlove]

I've been where your girl is. Stay strong for her through all the crap and your in my friend.

My SO and I beat around the bush for a long time till we had an argument and just blurted it all out. He was my support through my divorce and all the other stuff entangled in it but we both would have just danced around the obvious unless we had that fight.
I say, choose your time and tell her how you feel.

Thank you so much for the comment as well. As well as the encouragement that I'm on the right track. I don't know how we will eventually have that talk about where we are both at with regard to a relationship, but I assume it will be when we both go and hang out together. She lives about 8 hours away which makes it easy to driver. Or easier than most. I may need your advice later as well since you went through what she went through. Thanks again.