Very Confused

[Joni]

I haven't been on this website in forever but I am so happy to be back!

I broke up with my SO that I was engaged to last year and I am so much happier now. However now I am talking to a new SO. We met about a week after my break up and we have been talking ever since. Last June he asked me out and we broke up in December because he wanted me to experience other things and other options. But later on in January I told him that I wanted to be with him and no one else but he said he doesn't feel the same way so we stayed friends. However in the last two months we were on and off again because he doesn't know what he wants. Then two weeks ago he blew up and told me that he liked me and wanted to be with me but he doesn't like long distance relationship because he cant kiss me, touch me, etc. Then last week I asked him if he wanted to be with me and he said no he doesn't like me he likes other girls.... at this point I was very confused and I found out he was lying about liking me he just wants to experience other people. So I agreed to be friends with him but I still like him very much. He asks for my advice on girls and I always give it to him but I just think its not fair because deep down inside he does like me but he wants to experience other people just because its summer and he doesn't want to be tied down during the summer.

So am I doing the right thing or what? I just have no idea what to do...

[temporaryuser]

you cant be friends with someone that you still have feelings for. relationship or not, if one party has feelings and the other doesnt, it is bound to lead to disappoint anxiety and fights

[redapple]

This doesn't sound like a relationship where you two can be friends without one of you getting hurt and by the sounds of it its always going to you. Cut all contact, you don't want the same thing and your making yourself believe that he will become your boyfriend when that's not the signs he's giving you.

[jessandeddie21]

It seems like he can't make up his mind, and although you still have feelings for him, I think it's best to move on. You deserve to be happy with someone who wants to be with you and only you. It isn't worth the stress of waiting for him to figure things out.

[Hollandia]

He asks you about other girls? I am sorry that is plain hurtful and unless he is a total buffoon, he should know it. It sounds he is treating you like a doormat...to use when he pleases and play mind games with. Close that door tight and don't look back. You deserve to be with someone who will put you first no matter what.

[Goyangi]

Don't waste any more time on someone who seems only interested in you when it's convenient. You deserve better.

[Joni]

I agree with all of you but I feel like him and I have something special if he would give me a chance. He cares about me, he is always there for me don't get me wrong but he just doesn't want to be tied down because it is summer and he does not want to make any commitments because he said he doesn't want to hurt me.

[Hollandia]

I agree with all of you but I feel like him and I have something special if he would give me a chance. He cares about me, he is always there for me don't get me wrong but he just doesn't want to be tied down because it is summer and he does not want to make any commitments because he said he doesn't want to hurt me.

He is never going to be that "special person". He is treating you like sh#t now and so what if after summer he is better...until when again? Respect yourself more and don't let any man treat you like that. You are making the ultimate girl mistake I made too when younger. You think he is a diamond in the rough and he will change for you. I am sorry he won't and he won't respect you if you allow him to treat you this way.

I really hope some men on here can show you the light of how a man perceives a women that lets him treat her this way. I have said this more than a few times. You don't want to hear this but it is true........He is just not that into you. He never will be. You will always be second best, if that. If he was into you he would be wooing you and only you. You are a fallback girl till he finds the one he really wants. You are not it for him. I am sorry but would you treat someone you cared about like this?

There is someone better out there for you. He is not it.

[ThePiedPiper]

I agree with all of you but I feel like him and I have something special if he would give me a chance. He cares about me, he is always there for me don't get me wrong but he just doesn't want to be tied down because it is summer and he does not want to make any commitments because he said he doesn't want to hurt me.

If he was convinced he loved you as much as you loved him, and that your relationship was special and something meant to be, he would not have broken it off as many times as he has.

[digitalfever]

I agree with all of you but I feel like him and I have something special if he would give me a chance. He cares about me, he is always there for me don't get me wrong but he just doesn't want to be tied down because it is summer and he does not want to make any commitments because he said he doesn't want to hurt me.

You guys don't have anything special. He doesn't treat you or your emotions with respect and has clearly stated that because you are so far away his physical needs will not be fulfilled. He doesn't want someone special or maybe he does with someone else, some day in the future but right now he's telling you he's not interested.

There are over 6 billion people on this planet. Find one that wants to be with you and proves it.

[SeeRat]

He asks you about other girls? I am sorry that is plain hurtful and unless he is a total buffoon, he should know it. It sounds he is treating you like a doormat...to use when he pleases and play mind games with. Close that door tight and don't look back. You deserve to be with someone who will put you first no matter what.

Agree with this dont invest you time and feelings on a person who doesnt even treat you like a friend.. You deserve somone who treats you better and respects your feelings...

[Joni]

He told me that if I lived in the same state as him that he would without a doubt be with me.

[ST25]

He told me that if I lived in the same state as him that he would without a doubt be with me.

Then that shows where he stands in all this. When you're close, you're not a non-factor, but since you guys aren't in the same state, then you are a non-factor in terms of a relationship. I think it's best if you find someone else to invest your time with.

[ThePiedPiper]

He told me that if I lived in the same state as him that he would without a doubt be with me.

But even then, that's not necessarily true. People say that but they don't always mean it. Trust me, I have been there, and he's going to continue breaking your heart because no matter how much potential you might have, you will never be as good as someone who he can fuck whenever he wants a good fuck. There's nothing wrong with that, but that's who he is and you have to accept it. "If you lived here, I'd be with you" is essentially a cop out. Maybe he would be, maybe he wouldn't, but for as long as you're at a distance, it's safe for him to say that and he can be a coward and not have to break your heart by flat out saying he doesn't want to be with you (as opposed to "oh, I just don't want to hurt you" and "you know it's just the distance"). In the end, whether he means it or doesn't, the result is still the same. He doesn't think you have anything special enough together to be worth going through the distance, so you will continue to be hurt because you're never going to change his mind. You can try all you want. I tried for 2 years. I have a friend who tried with someone else for 4. I've seen it happen a lot and it never works out in favour of the person who knows they'd be amazing if they were just "given the chance."

[Joni]

I've been trying for a couple months now but I don't know. It's just something. Every time I tell him that I think we should part our ways because I don't want to be a road block in his life he begs me to stay. And I told him numerous times that we should just stop talking because I have feelings for him and he doesn't and I don't want to be holding him back and every time he says "No I want you to stay". We talk every day non- stop, everyday. I know he has feelings for me. He told be that he is just afraid of commitment and getting hurt because his last girlfriend that he was with for years cheated on him. He is afraid to be in a relationship with some one. He is basically afraid of catching real feelings and falling in love again.