Silent SO

[sinneroid]

My GF is a silent type girl and every time we meet and date she's always silent. She does talk but only short replies when I ask her.. whenever I ask her if she loves me and miss me she mostly nods but there's rare times she really reply with i love you.. I know she loves me but it was just hard that after a long time of longing for her she would be like that.. any good advice and help? thanks in advance..

[alittlemind]

Have you talked to her about being so shy? How long have you been together? Let her know that you are here for her and that you want her to feel comfortable around you because you love her. It's possible it takes her longer to adjust to a relationship than you do. My boyfriend can be pretty shy, and sometimes it takes him a while to open up about something, where as I come right out and say it most of the time, but I find the longer we are together the more and more he is opening up to me. I keep reassuring him that I love him and I'm never going to judge him on something he says. Just ask her about it and see how it goes best wishes!

[ST25]

She could be a really shy person. Or maybe she has something like a social anxiety disorder? Either way, getting her to open up can take a lot of effort not just on her part, but on yours as well. Be sure to let her know that if there was anything she wanted to open up about, you'll be right there to listen.

[Moon]

Your relationship isn't even two months old yet, it takes some people much longer than that to feel comfortable enough to come out of their shell. Instead of focusing on the "love" stuff, try telling her about your day, talk about memories from your childhood, funny stories, then see how she feels about contributing to the conversation. Give her time to be comfortable with you.

[kayla_622]

She may have an undiagnosed social anxiety disorder. I have SAD and it can be really hard to open up or even have normal conversations with people. It takes a long time for me to feel comfortable enough to talk about anything. Just give her some time and she'll come around. Start with simple convo starters and go from there.

[dragonlady]

maybe she can't speak freely.. that is the problem i have sometimes, but then my so knows that..

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I agree with Moon - your relationship is still very new. Being completely relaxed in someone's company takes time. A relationship is not an instant key to being close to someone, it's more of a promise to get to know them because you want to feel comfortable in their company.

I don't think you should be putting words in her mouth either. By asking her "do you miss me/do you love me" you might be pressuring her to agree with things that she's not quite ready to say yet, but that she agrees with so as not to hurt you. If you genuinely want her to say that she loves you and misses you, allow her to grow into those words in her own time. Saying them for her just seems like you're cheating yourself out of a genuine reaction and her out of a genuine display of affection.

As Moon said, try asking her really simple questions that might give her an opportunity to come to a natural conversation that she's comfortable with - How was your day, what are you planning this weekend, how is xyz going - just questions about her everyday life. Keep trying, be patient, because there will be something you say that leads her into a proper conversation where she can be open and comfortable with you.

[SeeRat]

Agree with moon and Biddly.. Some people take more time opening up. I am also like your SO. IT takes me longer to talk to people and open up whether i am in university or at a party i usually am silent most of the time. Also It took me months to be comfortable with my SO. In the early months of our relation he was the one who talked and said love you miss you etc. Th estuff we talked mostly was about our daily lives and not about our relationship.Than again my SO was patient and he gave me enough time to overcome my shyness and be comfortable with him.

[Pinion]

What common interests do you have? Is it possible that she's very shy of talking about her feelings or personal life but would be more comfortable talking about other things?

[Black_Halloween]

I agree with Moon - your relationship is still very new. Being completely relaxed in someone's company takes time. A relationship is not an instant key to being close to someone, it's more of a promise to get to know them because you want to feel comfortable in their company.

I don't think you should be putting words in her mouth either. By asking her "do you miss me/do you love me" you might be pressuring her to agree with things that she's not quite ready to say yet, but that she agrees with so as not to hurt you. If you genuinely want her to say that she loves you and misses you, allow her to grow into those words in her own time. Saying them for her just seems like you're cheating yourself out of a genuine reaction and her out of a genuine display of affection.

As Moon said, try asking her really simple questions that might give her an opportunity to come to a natural conversation that she's comfortable with - How was your day, what are you planning this weekend, how is xyz going - just questions about her everyday life. Keep trying, be patient, because there will be something you say that leads her into a proper conversation where she can be open and comfortable with you.

Agreed with Biddly here.

[monkinlove]

The above comments and advice are great. The only thing I can add is: patience, patience, patience....patience. I don't say that jokingly or lightly. Because I'm kinda where you are. My "SO" is very shy, has some anxiety issues, and is an introvert.

I would do some research and get some understanding on all of those including introversion. Even I'm more on the introvert side and I can get a bit frustrated with my "SO" due to her even more introversion. I've also needed to try to understand where my SO is coming from with the major bad events in her life. So I've had to be patient with her, patiently try to understand her personality, and patiently tried to understand how her recent past has impacted her. So it's not a passive patients. Finally, there is also an active patients where you try to find that right moment and time where she will open up. It might be a slight opening, but be aware of when those moments happen. Don't try to push those moments and don't try to manufacture them.

If she is indeed an introvert there are things that impact how we communicate and it varies with each person. Loud noises can impact conversation. So even a loud restaurant with people talking and dishes clanging. Forcing the conversation rather than having the conversation come naturally. Sharing stuff about yourself to her. Even if the reaction is less than expected, appreciate and even thank her for being a good listener. It's frustrating, but it's worth the wait usually.

Finally, laugh about your situation. For example, watch Big Bang Theory and watch as the super shy Raj (who has to drink to talk to women) is dating the super shy Lucy. There is also a great French romantic film called "Romantics Anonymous" where two really shy people fall for each other and try to make it work. Laughing about it has helped me. Hope that helps.

-monk in love

[Hollandia]

Didn't you say her dad just died or am I confusing you with another poster?

[LadyDaemon]

Didn't you say her dad just died or am I confusing you with another poster?

Nope,you're not. This is the same person who said their gfs dad had just died.

[JoeyBug]

Your relationship isn't even two months old yet, it takes some people much longer than that to feel comfortable enough to come out of their shell. Instead of focusing on the "love" stuff, try telling her about your day, talk about memories from your childhood, funny stories, then see how she feels about contributing to the conversation. Give her time to be comfortable with you.

^^ I agree with this, give her time to get to know you and become comfortable with you.

[Hollandia]

I don't understand how the OP does not understand you don't just bounce back when your loved one dies. She is who she is and right now she has a insecure BF and is grieving her dad. If she wants to talk more, she will. Accept her for the she is, not the way you want her to be.