Is he real n honest to our LDR?

[Felicia101]

I know this sounds crazy. I am an Asian gal living in Taiwan and met this guy from Texas about 15 years ago via ICQ. We met in person after 1 year ++ chatting online and talking over the phone. We were so excited for our first real dating and he spent 2 days in Taiwan having fun with me. I could tell he wanted me very much and we did kiss n cuddle each other in the hotel room he stayed. He kept asking "where is my hug and kiss" because we used to do online flirting in a passionate way. He seemed had "turn on"but I told him I was not ready to it.

But when he got back to Texas, he became busy and we chatted less. My insecure felling was too overwelming until I text him one day and told him that"I am tired and fed up, I don't want to waste my time waiting for you to get online....." ---I could vividly remember it happened one day when I saw him online and yet he said he wanna offline to go for golfing.

That was the story 15 years ago and since then we lost contact. Until last year i found him in FB and he started to get me to chat like once every few months. By then, we found out we are still single.

Recently he messaged me and asked for my mobile phone number after he MIA for abt 4mths.

He called me soon after and we talked about the drama 15 yrs ago. Over the phone , he said he was heartbroken when I blew him cold and hot during our 1st date and during the time he was back to Texas. But I told him that I felt he was not that into me because he was busy and didn't want to spend time with me. And he insisted that it was me who turned my face away. He admitted that he liked me very much at that time but he was not deeply in love with me so he just let go.

Anyway, I can't deny that during this 15 yrs, guys came and gone in my life but he was the one that I liked the most and couldn't forget.

And now 15 years passed, both of us are old. Though we are getting back together, I am still feeling so insecure when he didn't call for 2 weeks claiming he has been busy coping with his work during this recession time. It's kind of stupid to restart the LDR again but I just can't get rid of him.

Until now I am still doubtful if his feeling towards me is real. He did call me once a week when he first got my mobile phone number. But he stopped calling like 2 weeks after the first 3,4 calls. He didn't text much, only reply me with a kissing goodnite message(saying he wanted to go to bed after a whole day tiring work) when I text him. When I asked him if he was seeing somebody, he would blame me for having no trust on him.

Should I stop torturing myself by ending the LDR? I like him very much but it's so painful to go through all this. Is working life in America really eating one's time for building a good relationship?

He always said he is busy even at night and during weekend. I do think its really incredible but he wants me to trust him by saying that he needs to make more money so that I dont have worry if we really can get together one day.

Btw, he was from Taiwan too but has migrated to Texas after finishing high school. He shared many things to me inclu his families in Taiwan and his past romance and how he feels abt me. . Is he honest and real to our LDR?

[snow_girl]

Sorry I had to stop reading after the first two paragraphs. If you are old enough to know this guy for 15 years, there is no excuse to substitute three letter words with an n or a d. It was painful to read.

[MattDavies86]

It doesn't sound to me like he's serious about it at all, from what your saying he makes no effort whatsoever to talk to you, respond to you or show how he feels etc, personally I would advise to move on with your life, but I'm not one to tell people what to do, you surely deserve someone nice who's going to show you how they feel and make an effort! Sorry he's being this way.

[Pinion]

A long-distance relationships needs open communication and commitment to staying in touch. This is the responsibility of both people in a relationship, and I wouldn't put my faith in a relationship where that was lacking.

A working life in America can be very busy and some professions may require unpredictable hours, but I don't believe that the vast majority of people are too busy to find or schedule time to talk to someone important to them. Short texts and e-mails are very easy to send, and can help if a couple can't find the time to talk on the phone. Time zones may make phone calls more difficult because of the different times people are likely to be working or sleeping, but if even online and text communication is rare than I don't believe his heart is in this or this relationship is good for you.

If he's being honest it's still unhealthy to hinge your hopes for happiness in love on someone who might someday have time.

[Jazi]

Sorry I had to stop reading after the first two paragraphs. If you are old enough to know this guy for 15 years, there is no excuse to substitute three letter words with an n or a d. It was painful to read.

exactly what I was thinking. Love your blunt style .

To reply to the OP - to be honest I could barely understand what you were asking? I think you need to talk to this guy and commit to a decision either way - either you BOTH try an LDR for real or you let it go, you just need to have a proper serious conversation with him.

[Felicia101]

Sorry I had to stop reading after the first two paragraphs. If you are old enough to know this guy for 15 years, there is no excuse to substitute three letter words with an n or a d. It was painful to read.

Sorry I was trying to make my story shorter and easy to read. Thanks for telling me though.

[Felicia101]

It doesn't sound to me like he's serious about it at all, from what your saying he makes no effort whatsoever to talk to you, respond to you or show how he feels etc, personally I would advise to move on with your life, but I'm not one to tell people what to do, you surely deserve someone nice who's going to show you how they feel and make an effort! Sorry he's being this way.

I would not say he is not making any efforts at all. We were talking on the phone for at leadt 1 hour and sometimes more than 2 hours in every calls he made. And he called back when the line was cut off suddenly. I know how expensive it is to make international calls.

You may ask why i dont call him. He did mention that he doesn't like the girls who keeps calling their bf to check on what they are doing.

I know from his past experience and raising background that he feels insecure all the time and so do I ( because I had been cheated by my ex). And he said everyone was different and he is a mature old guys, he can't stick around with me and giving sweet talk all the time. I really don't get him. Is he playing a mind game? Is he playing some cold and hot strategy so that I would give in to him if I really love him?

[LadyDaemon]

I'm just going to be bluntly honest here,you BOTH are insecure and that is not a good thing. Whatever insecurities it is that you both have,you need to talk about it out right now and squash it. You need to sit down with each other and talk about it,figure out why they're there and then figure out a way to solve it on both ends. Insecurities kill relationships. If it's got to do with exes treating you poorly in the past I'm going to give you the same advice that I give everyone else who has the same complaint,LET IT GO. You are not his exes and he is not yours. You can NOT be afraid every second of your relationship or second guess every move he makes or doesn't make because your exes before him hurt you. It is not his fault,he is not them and doesn't deserve to be treated as though he were. Same on his end for you. You are not being fair to each other nor are you helping your relationship by making both of your insecurities the other persons problem.

He is not playing a mind game,he is telling you in a nice way to back off a bit and let him have his space. Even as a couple,you sometimes need your own individual space and I gather from what you're saying that he's said is that he feels you're starting smother him because of your insecurities rearing it's ugly head. You can't do that to him and expect it to work with him,it won't. You need to let him call/talk to you when he's going to call/talk to you and let that be it. Do not (for lack of better words) stay up his butt 24/7 wondering where is,what he's doing etc. all of the time because your insecurities are getting the best of you. Back off of him for a little bit and let him come to you.

[Felicia101]

I'm just going to be bluntly honest here,you BOTH are insecure and that is not a good thing. Whatever insecurities it is that you both have,you need to talk about it out right now and squash it. You need to sit down with each other and talk about it,figure out why they're there and then figure out a way to solve it on both ends. Insecurities kill relationships. If it's got to do with exes treating you poorly in the past I'm going to give you the same advice that I give everyone else who has the same complaint,LET IT GO. You are not his exes and he is not yours. You can NOT be afraid every second of your relationship or second guess every move he makes or doesn't make because your exes before him hurt you. It is not his fault,he is not them and doesn't deserve to be treated as though he were. Same on his end for you. You are not being fair to each other nor are you helping your relationship by making both of your insecurities the other persons problem.

He is not playing a mind game,he is telling you in a nice way to back off a bit and let him have his space. Even as a couple,you sometimes need your own individual space and I gather from what you're saying that he's said is that he feels you're starting smother him because of your insecurities rearing it's ugly head. You can't do that to him and expect it to work with him,it won't. You need to let him call/talk to you when he's going to call/talk to you and let that be it. Do not (for lack of better words) stay up his butt 24/7 wondering where is,what he's doing etc. all of the time because your insecurities are getting the best of you. Back off of him for a little bit and let him come to you.

You are right. I think I have to back off of him and let him come to me. I can't keep reminding him to think of me if he doesn't really care about me. And if it doesn't work out for the second time, I think we are not meant for each other. Thanks for the advice.

[LadyDaemon]

You are right. I think I have to back off of him and let him come to me. I can't keep reminding him to think of me if he doesn't really care about me. And if it doesn't work out for the second time, I think we are not meant for each other. Thanks for the advice.

You're quite welcome dear. And you're absolutely right.

[Kiyama]

Until now I am still doubtful if his feeling towards me is real. He did call me once a week when he first got my mobile phone number. But he stopped calling like 2 weeks after the first 3,4 calls. He didn't text much, only reply me with a kissing goodnite message(saying he wanted to go to bed after a whole day tiring work) when I text him. When I asked him if he was seeing somebody, he would blame me for having no trust on him.

Should I stop torturing myself by ending the LDR? I like him very much but it's so painful to go through all this. Is working life in America really eating one's time for building a good relationship?

I'm going to be blunt here. He wasn't that interested back then, quite unlike you. You haven't forgotten about him ever while he probably never really thought about you much anymore and for him this was a nice catching up . It doesn't sound to me as if he's really in it, all your insecurities aside- blaming him that he's cheating will scare him off even more! You really have to think about whether you want to accept all the insecurities and your negative gut feeling and give this one a go. It doesn't sound like you can cope with his behaviour now and I don't think that will change so do you want to be in this misery any longer?

[jennifer]

Even my SO is in america and i know he does make efforts to stay in touch with me... i agree that working in America can be tough and time requiring.. but he shud atleast call u once a week! well i completely agree that LDR are damn difficult bt if u really wanna make ur relationship work then u have to be secure and trust each other... only then things can work between u two... Trust is the pillar of an LDR... so trust him and keep an open talk relationship.. if u dnt like something tell him and try to clear all ur doubts... its the best way to clear out ur doubts abt everything....! and yes try giving him his own space cuz someetimes there are people who even after being in a relationship want their space... so just try understanding his situation and also try to talk ur heart!

[Felicia101]

May I know what is SO stands for?

[Felicia101]

Yes, today is the 20th days after his last call. His whatsapp showed no sign of online since he had respond me with a kissing goodnite abt a week ago. I had tried not to over analyse thing. I remembered he stopped picking up other calls while he was talking to me on his mobile until the phone kept ringing the second or third time. (He used to call me early morning his time which he said was less busy and night time my time when I was off from work)

I am backing off fr him now. It's painful but I am trying to make myself busy and holding my urge to text him on whatsapp. Though he always replied me before he went to bed but he took no initiative to text me whatsoever except he first got my mobile phone number. Sadly, not even a hi bye which would not take him more than 2second to do so. Anyway, this forum and you kind guys are the good outlets for me to express my feelings, else I would have no way to go.

Donno what is going to happen until he makes the move to call me again. By then I will try to talk it out, hopefully without pressuring him.

I had read the following advice when I was lost and miserably doutful these few days, want to share with you here:

"You know what? When you have to voice your displeasure to a man that you're not feeling wanted or desired, it's because you're not wanted or desired by him. When a man wants you and desires you, he lets you know it. Don't go for a guy who thinks of you only when he is lonely, bored and horny"

[LadyDaemon]

Yes, today is the 20th days after his last call. His whatsapp showed no sign of online since he respond me with a kissing goodnite abt a week ago. I had tried not to over analyse thing. I remembered he stopped picking up other calls while he was talking to me on his mobile until the phone kept ringing the second or third time. (He used to call me early morning his time which he claims is less busy and night time my time when I am off work)

I am backing off fr him now. It's painful but I am trying to make myself busy and holding my urge to text him on whatsapp. Though he always replied me before he went to bed but he took no initiative to text me whatsoever except he first got my mobile phone number. Anyway, this forum and you kind guys are the good outlet for me to express my feelings, else I would have no way to go.

I had read the following advice when I was lost and miserably doutful these few days, want to share with you here:

"You know what? When you have to voice your displeasure to a man that you're not feeling wanted or desired, it's because you're not wanted or desired by him. When a man wants you and desires you, he lets you know it. Don't go for a guy who thinks of you only when he is lonely, bored and horny"

In that case,with it having been that long (which at the time of my original post I had no idea that it had been that long or I probably would've offered different advice) you probably need to start asking yourself if you want to continue to deal with this. If you don't then I'm sorry to say,but it might be time to just cut ties completely and go your own way. I stand by what I said about the insecurities between the two of you,however I was not aware it had been so long since he had spoke to you. Now that I have all of the facts,this sounds like another one of those "He's just not that into you." type of deals. I honestly think it may be time for you to move on. Good luck.