Temporary CD and loneliness

[Ejoriah]

Hi all,

First off, I know I am extremely lucky to be able to be with my SO all summer. I am very thankful that we managed to make it happen. Some back story: I live and go to university in Kansas. That is where I have been the past couple of years, and while it was hard to start all over again and make new friends, I have a few good friends that I have made up there. My boyfriend lives in Texas, where he has been living all his life. Last year he graduated with a degree in computer science and has a steady job at a small, up-and-rising company. He loves his job and it has paid for a lot of our visits, but he is out of the house from 7:30 a.m. to 5 p.m., and sometimes longer (two days ago he came home only to be told he needed to head out again for another two hours).

In order to move down with him I took online classes, which keep me busy for part of the day, but the fact is that I am terribly lonely.

I don't know anyone here and have no idea how to go about meeting anyone. I don't have access to a car which doesn't make things easier. I miss all my friends back in Kansas AND my friends and family in my home country.... It's a daunting process to start all over again to find friends, and I don't even know where to start. I am inside the house all day and am not really within walking distance of anything around here.

It came to a head yesterday when my boyfriend sat down with me, muted the TV and said "I can tell you're lonely." I couldn't help but burst into tears, something I am really embarrassed about now.

Anyone else feel this way when they lived with their SO for a while? Any tips on how to deal with it?

Thanks!

[lucybelle]

Why don't you find some outings and go to them? Classes during the day when you actually interact with people. Or group meet ups.

You've got to get out of the house. Even if it's just to take a walk around the block a few times.

What about joining a gym?

[Jazi]

I've done 4 trips to my SO that were each about 5 weeks - he would work almost the entire time I was there each trip so I really had to entertain myself Monday - Friday between 8am and 5:30pm and in the Winter it gets dark at like 4pm, so on my winter trips it really did feel like a long day without him, too cold to go outside much to entertain myself and once he got home it was dark and cold anyway.

I found myself taking pride in doing things around the house - I enjoy taking care of my home (back home) anyway so it came naturally for me to get satisfaction out of that - I would do washing, change the bedding, do dishes, make his lunch, iron his work shirts..etc. if I did a few of these kinds of tasks everyday I found that the day passed pretty quickly, add in some LFAD browsing and maybe Skyping with my family and I wouldn't have TOO much time to kill. I did find that I was looking at the clock counting down the hours until he was home regardless of what I was doing because I missed him and wanted to spend as much time with him as I could .

If you're far away from anything major then how about catching a lift with him when he goes to work? maybe he could drop you off somewhere fun and then pick you up on the way home? I went shopping a few times when I really wanted to get out and would catch the bus or would get him to pick me up/drop me off. Also, if there is a little park or pond near by, or possibly a little corner store to pick up some food you're running low on? that could give you enough of an outing to feel satisfied - going down to feed the ducks was something I would do on my own and also with my SO, there was also a horse that lived nearby that we found one day on a long walk, it was really nice to visit the horse/feed him grass over the fence. We named him Kevin because we obviously had no clue what his actual name was

Anyway, I'm not someone who makes friends easily and I wasn't visiting for a huge amount of time so I mostly kept to myself and found little ways to feel satisfied

[Ejoriah]

Thank you both for your responses!

I do go on walks/jogs in the morning before the Texan sun comes and clobbers me on the head, lol. It's a really nice area with tons of trees so that's enjoyable. I've also been doing the dishes daily/tidying up the house while he's gone, to the point where he jokes that I became a move-in maid (and since I speak French, the French maid jokes abound :P). There's a walmart across the street which I may go to, but I enjoy grocery shopping with him (and he really enjoys it too) so I tend to put that off until he's home.

I've been looking around online for a place to go horseback riding, but I just feel like it's going to take more time away from him, because again I'd need him to drop me off and he'd only be able to do that during his free time. As far as him dropping me off somewhere on his way to work, we've thought about it, but he can't leave the office during the day, and I'd be stuck wherever he dropped me for the ENTIRE day. There is absolutely no public transportation here, which is something I miss from where I live in Kansas.

Jazi - I hadn't thought about skyping my family, thanks! I know my mother will be happy to "see" me, and I think I am lonely enough to be able to put her with her for a while

Lucybelle - unfortunately taking classes is not an option, both because of money considerations and how-would-I-get-there considerations. I've gone to meetup.com and looked at things in the area and none of them are meeting someplace I could actually go to on my own. We're working on getting me added to his lease so I have access to the gym/pool in his apartment complex, however because I'm a non-resident alien in the United States everything involves jumping through what feels like a million hoops (for instance - I don't have a Texas driver's license - my social security number is a "work only" social and causes problems during credit checks - I don't have family here that could act as guarantors).