Afraid of years

[stuart9]

Last periode was a periode with lots of stress. My girl had matura and that did change her in that periode a lot.
Yesterday she was finnaly finished with her first part. Now she is again the girl like she was before.
Im fine that she did was bit different in her stress periode. I would also be that. I have suported her as much as i could.

Last night we had a long deep talk together. About future. Next school year is she going to univirsity and that will take at least 3 years
and maximum 5 years including a master. That would mean that we will have distance for sure 3 years....
That sounds like such a long periode. And it makes me a bit afraid. That we have to wait years till we can have a life together. or at least
that distance will be smaller. Now there is a distance of 1500 Km (its not that much if i see other couples here, but yeah).

I get afraid that in those years we will get to busy to have often contact with each other. Im not sure to express how to tell for what im afraid....
Just the feeling of waiting those years. From the start since we offically started a relation I knew that there will be many years that it will be long distance
Yesterday night during talking with her i realised that i love her so much. The way she acts and says things i know she also loves me a lot.
It only made me bit sad that their will be long periode of waiting till we realy can be together. And close the distance

Happily this summer i will meet her 3 times all times for 1 week. We did that to spread the time we can have together.
Im already working fulltime, so yeah i have just a small amount of holidays. Maybe it will be posible that she comes to her, while im working and that she can study a bit during day.
To come to the point:
How do you go one with the fact of knowing that you and your love will be on distance for some years?
Do you get used to the distance?? We are only 4 months offically together. Before it was also. But we decided to let it start when we visit the first time since we met in the summerholiday last year.
We both have stress because there is km between us. Does that feeling get less?

I feel lucky to have her. It realy makes me happy

[lademoiselle]

Don't stop and think about the years ahead of you; when you say in your head "we'll be apart for a minimum of three years, maybe even five..." the wait seems to stretch out forever! When my SO and I were at the four month mark we met offline for the first time; never could I have imagined that three years later we'd still be together, making it work somehow. Yet here we are (well, almost!) and unless some random miracle takes place between now and 2015-2016, we won't be together permanently until then.

We don't dwell on that though, concentrating instead on how to see each other as often as possible in the meantime. Around this time next year we'll probably start discussing concrete plans to be in the same place. I think that as long as you keep your goal in mind you can help each other find the strength to continue. There will of course be times which are harder than others, when one or both of you is more busy than usual, but once you start to manage your time better you'll find your own routine as a couple. And of course you always have LFAD for support, which I don't know how I'd have survived the last year and a half without

[dukes2011]

My SO and I were also afraid of years and sometimes we still get anxious about it. When we graduated college and I went off to grad school about 2 years ago, we were both nervous. Now I'm back home and we shortened the distance, but we don't know when we'll complete close the distance. Sure it can be unsettling at times, but remember we have all had these fears at some point! This forum is a great place to come to when you're feeling scared to be with others who understand. I've learned you just can't agonize it, because no matter how much you fret it won't change the situation. Some days it's tough to stay positive, but you make it through

[LadyDaemon]

Honestly, 3-5 years seems like a long time. I can relate. I've loved my SO for the last 3 years I've known him despite having to break up and get back together a year apart. But I've learned that if you don't focus on the years and you just take it one day at a time then it becomes easier. Besides,focusing on the amount of years you have left won't do you any good and as a matter of fact most times will make the wait harder. Make goals for yourselves,talk about your future together so you have something to look foward to,make trips as often as possible and communicate with each other. I've found communicating on those days when the distance is really hard can make a difference. There have been days where I've missed him so much and the distance sucked because I was having a bad day and all I wanted was him there,but he would get online and we would talk and he would make me laugh and that would make it all better. I know it seems like a long time and like a lot to take on but if you really love her and she really loves you,you guys will make it work. Good luck!

[alittlemind]

My boyfriend and I have been together for only 6 months. But during these months we've realized we've found something really special. He is leaving in August, he is going to Texas to finish high school, and then on to University. Clearly, he'll be in school for a number of years. We don't yet know how long exactly, but if I move down there and go to school, it could be as little as 1 year, or if I wait to finish my schooling here, it could be 4-6 years. The way I see it, if you're with the right person, and you two truly want to be together, you can do it. As long as you keep fighting for each other, and what you have, it'll be possible. Of course it's scary, and I sure don't want him to leave, but when I went to my boyfriend with my fears, and asked him if he too, was scared, he said "Of course I'm scared, but the way I see it, it's better to go into this having faith than being scared." And that, I will always remember. He is an incredibly special guy, and we love each other, and we've agreed to fight for each other, and that's what matters.

[ams.201220]

My boyfriend and I haven't seen each other in about a year (since we started going out) because of financial reasons and scheduling reasons. He's enlisting in the army, which will mean I might not be able to see him for almost another year. Like your girlfriend, I'm also in college and I won't finish until 2016. But Austin and I are making the best of it If you love someone enough, distance doesn't mean anything. It's just a challenge to overcome. Try and see each other in the next 3-5 years as best as you can and talk as much as you can! Be uber lovey dovey and share everything! You'll make it work You just need to take it day by day and not year by year.

[stuart9]

Yeah, you all are right. I should not have those years all the time in my mind. And think about it on a worse way. I should looke more to the happy side. That we talk every day, and almost see each other every day. Average its 6 days a week. Im lucky with that.

Thanks for the advice

[rina]

I'm gonna go ahead and say something different. For me personally counting the days helped. We both downloaded counter gadgets and let them run all the time counting the time before we meet. First time, before we met face to face and even before we considered the prospect of "couple", we had that counter running for 5-6 months and it felt like 3 months. The next time we used it from july till December and before we knew it BAM Christmas! Then i made this counter in my signature and before i knew it 1 year and a half passed, and by this time next year we'll be living together.

What i did was trick my mind with those counters there always in my face. Of course at the beginning i'd look at them and see months/years and feel discouraged, but pretty soon, maybe a week later, i completely started to ignore the presence of those counters. Ever wonder what the time was, and you'd just look at the clock, read the time but then you'd have to look again cause you didn't actually pay attention to what you read? Yeah, pretty much like that. I guess my mind knows it's there and i don't focus on it anymore, that's why when i finally remember to check it.. one week passed, one month passed etc.

Find whatever works for you, but don't worry, time passes so fast looking back, but always seems so slow looking ahead.

[loveknowsnodistance27]

I can relate. My SO and I began our relationship just before he left our hometown to go to school 7 hours away. We knew what was ahead for us...5 years apart. It honestly seemed impossible at the start and I wondered how we'd ever make it, but we make do. He's home for summer now so that makes it a little easier. We've gotten through just about 3 of the 5 years, so we are more than halfway there! In a way, it flew by. If you love each other, you can make it work. =]

[libelle]

I am in a very similar situation to yours right now :/ Just finished my finals and am applying to university that is in a country closer to his right now.. But because he is with a steady job in the danish army, he won't be able to move to me, and I will be able to move after three years at least (they don't offer bachelor of what i want to study in english in denmark ;( ) so yeah... But to every situation there is a bright side First, isn't there a way you could move to her while she is studying? Second, if you can't move, like my SO, she can spend the summer holidays (and the other ones) with you in your country, thats what SO and me plan ^^ this way you will have something smaller to look forward to before the big thing <3 Also, can't she move to your country to do her master's level there? If they don't offer it in her language then she will learn yours, three years is time enough for that ^^ That is my plan for now - this way it won't be 5 but only 3 years <3 And lastly, don't bring yourself down - doesn't it make you feel better that there are other people going through the same? Yes it won't be easy but no one ever promised it will be, right? ^_^ Heads up! We can make it!

[Chris516]

Honestly, 3-5 years seems like a long time. I can relate. I've loved my SO for the last 3 years I've known him despite having to break up and get back together a year apart. But I've learned that if you don't focus on the years and you just take it one day at a time then it becomes easier. Besides,focusing on the amount of years you have left won't do you any good and as a matter of fact most times will make the wait harder. Make goals for yourselves,talk about your future together so you have something to look foward to,make trips as often as possible and communicate with each other. I've found communicating on those days when the distance is really hard can make a difference. There have been days where I've missed him so much and the distance sucked because I was having a bad day and all I wanted was him there,but he would get online and we would talk and he would make me laugh and that would make it all better. I know it seems like a long time and like a lot to take on but if you really love her and she really loves you,you guys will make it work. Good luck!

Stuart, She gave very good advice. Read and re-read it.

[stuart9]

Yesterday she had exactly the same problem. She lent a laptop from schoolmate.
And we did go on skype. First the microphone at her did not work. It made her mad. Then she found out the video was very slow.
When i did something she saw it some minutes later back. And that made her totaly upset.
It was probably something with connection or just because the laptop was old.

I told her that we have to enjoy the moments we had.
She did at that moment not agreed with it. We stoped with the talk.

Later in the evening we where talking again, and she admitted that i was right. That we have to enjoy the moments we have together.
Because even if sound or video is slow we are still together. And that is important.

I only did realise this after i was reading all your reactions!! And made me realise we both have to be happy that we can see each other every day for at least a hour
or more. And can write each other during day. Actually we spend every day a few hours with each other.
When the option we have is like only writing then it also should be good and nice. Ofcourse seeing is better. But yeah.


Thanks for the advices !