Jealousy over boyfriends time spent with his mom..

[katiecat08]

My boyfriend is a firefighter. He works 24 hours and is off 48. Therefore I get somewhat of a good amount of time to talk with him. Well, he lives 2 hours away from his mom and she sometimes comes up for the weekend to visit. Well this weekend she came to visit. He had to work Friday night so I didn't get to talk to him hardly at all then. Well yesterday I had to work all night till 8. I was looking forward to getting at least to talk to him some but his mom was there and she stayed the night. I have this problem where if he has a free day off, I really want to get my time with him but when his mom visits i tend to feel neglected. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad she gets to spend time with him but I get upset because the very next day he works and I don't get my time with him till the next day if I get lucky, so I was hoping for time with him this weekend. How can I cope with this situation when I feel neglected when I can't talk to him when she's there? It bugs me because I know he's trying to divide his time between us as much as he can but when he's off, I kind of expect his time to be spent with me. Some advice to get over feeling jealous? He's an only child

[snow_girl]

I wouldn't go as far to say he is neglecting you. You said yourself he tries to make time for you and her. I think it is great they get to see each other, it isn't like he is out boozing with friends all the time being the reason he doesn't get to talk to you. That would be different. If you don't get proper talks why not ask him to send you a text or two, then you still get to hear from him. If he tells you a head of time that his mom will be visiting, why not make plans of your own with friends or you mom or dad or someone. I get it sucks not to be able to talk to the one you love but if you have to go two days without a real talk it isn't that awful. It gives you more to talk about the next time.

[katiecat08]

I know I shouldn't make a big deal out of it but it's hard when he has to work the next day and I hardly got to talk to him when he was off. I know I cherish our talks and time together.

[Black_Halloween]

I kind of expect his time to be spent with me.

That's where you're wrong, right there. You're his love but you're not his entire life. Even when you close the distance he's still gonna want to go out with his friends once in a while or visit family. He has other things to do that are important too and really, getting jealous over his mom seems a tad immature.

[ams.201220]

AHHH!!! I get the same way! It was way worse last year though. I loved spending time with him so much that I forgot to give him room to do his own thing. And because he gave me time to do my thing, I never realized that I wasn't giving him time.

It's totally ok to want to spend time with, but be careful. If you keep feeling neglected because of his mom, those feelings are eventually going to become words and it'll create a rift in your relationship.

Now that I give Austin room to do his stuff, our relationship is way better! There's more feelings and he does things randomly that I wanted him to do before. Even if I don't talk to him for days, I'm not worried because I hang out with my friends or get things done. I would try to pick up a hobby that you can do when he is unable to talk. For me, scrapbooking is da bomb! I can spend hours on a page and time goes by before I know it.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I know he's trying to divide his time between us as much as he can

Don't put a but after this sentence. You KNOW he's making an effort to have time with you. Which means, really, you know he WANTS to spend time with you, and to be honest, knowing that he does want to be spending time with you is valuable in itself, regardless of how much time he can actually give you.

Your relationship is reasonably new. That's a factor that probably plays into this for you. You're probably still feeling all the "I want to spend every waking second I can just with you" emotions. That's ok, that's normal. As long as you acknowledge that it's a product of the relationship being new, and that those intense feelings can make you have a reaction that, when you think about it logically, isn't a reflection of what you actually believe. Because if you think about it without considering yourself, you probably don't really have a problem with him spending some bonding time with his mum, and being able to spend that time with her without having interruptions.

Similarly to everyone else, I don't think he owes you all his time. He owes you some time. But equally, there are other people in his life who also deserve his time. His mum has known him and loved him his whole life. You've known him and loved him for a month or so? When you think about who then, deserves the majority of his time... Maybe it's not you. And if you think about all the people that ARE in his life, there are probably a lot that deserve some of his time. If he's dividing his time so he does have time with you, so he can get to know you and make some room for you to be in his life... You shouldn't take that intention for granted. And you should remind yourself of that when you feel yourself getting jealous because he's spending time with his mum.

[digitalfever]

She's his family and she deserves her sons time. She raised him,
loved him and gave birth to him. If anyone is entitled to a monopoly on this mans time it's his mother. This shouldn't be a negative. You're boyfriend values, loves and cares for such an important figure in his life and makes an ACTIVE effort to have her in his
life. That's amazing and a quality not a lot of PEOPLE have. What a great guy!

You need to come to the conclusion that you are not the reason he exists. He's your boyfriend but that doesn't mean you are entitled nor should you expect all his attention. He has a life and you should have one as well.

Id say that you need to step back and evaluate your expectations
and adjust them to be more
realistic.

[chizatlauren]

Unless his mom does things that annoy you, or she shows signs that she doesn't want you in her son's life and she tries to make you two break up, then I'll say let them be. Family is always important.

[LadyDaemon]

He works 24 hours and is off 48. Therefore I get somewhat of a good amount of time to talk with him.

Ok,so for starters you already get most of his time as it is. I doubt a day or two for his mother occasionally is going to kill you. You're going to have to realize that you're not the only person in his life and that at different points throughout your relationship you're not always going to get his full undivided attention. Just as much as he has to maintain a relationship with you and give you attention,he also has to maintain his other relationships with his friends/family and give them attention too. You can't except him to just always make it about you when you want him to. Sometimes life happens and other things/people get in the way.

I have this problem where if he has a free day off, I really want to get my time with him but when his mom visits i tend to feel neglected. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad she gets to spend time with him but I get upset because the very next day he works and I don't get my time with him till the next day if I get lucky,

You really have no reason to feel neglected. It's his mother. She's not causing any problems for you or your relationship and she deserves his time more then anyone else. She brought him into this world,without her he wouldn't be here for you to have a boyfriend. I would agree that you have a right to feel that way if he was spending every bit of his free time out with the boys or something and not talking to you at all. His mother is only there sometimes on the weekends,you can give them that and in the mean time find something to do or a friend to hang out with.

I kind of expect his time to be spent with me.

You are not entitled to his time,he gives it to you because you're his girlfriend and he loves you. To act like you are is selfish and unreasonable. Think about how you would feel if he got jealous because your mother wanted to spend time with you instead of investing every spare moment with him,I don't think you'd like it. I think you need to be more understanding and a bit more realistic about the level your expectations are on.

[TwoThree]

When my SO visits his parents I usually cut communication to a minimum because I want him to spend time with them. He is their son, they are as "entitled" to his time as I am. Try not to be too selfish and needy.

[Tooki]

If he spends as much as time with you as it is, you have absolutely nothing to be complaining about. The man is entitled to spend some time with his family!

Go find something else to do when he is with his mother/family. Why not hang out with friends or do something with your own family? Your SO is not going to disappear!

[katiecat08]

Yeah I know I'm being dumb about this whole thing. He keeps telling me I need to Make friends so I'll have more outlets rather than just depending on him the whole time. His mom likes me so I dont have a problem with her. Guess I need to find a hobby to fill my time when we can't talk

[digitalfever]

Yeah I know I'm being dumb about this whole thing. He keeps telling me I need to Make friends so I'll have more outlets rather than just depending on him the whole time. His mom likes me so I dont have a problem with her. Guess I need to find a hobby to fill my time when we can't talk

Exactly. Having just your SO isn't healthy. You need to cultivate interests and friendships outside of your relationship.

[ThePiedPiper]

Yeah I know I'm being dumb about this whole thing. He keeps telling me I need to Make friends so I'll have more outlets rather than just depending on him the whole time. His mom likes me so I dont have a problem with her. Guess I need to find a hobby to fill my time when we can't talk

Yes, this, and it can be a fun process! I got into some exercise classes I never would have tried had it not been for needing a hobby other than my relationship.