When I am with him the world stops... when we are apart I am permanently confused...

[twinkle22]

Sorry this is long and rambling but thank y'all for reading it! I see my SO a lot more than a lot of you so please don't hate me for being ungrateful or anything cos I am... we spend 4 weeks apart and then 2 (ish) together... I also only have to do this until the end of September and then we are going to NZ for a year together providing all goes well...

Anyway my question is... How do you all feel when you're apart? I HATE it (naturally) but more so cos I cannot control what my head says to me. I suffer from generalised anxiety which doesn't seem to do any good in an LDR. I also second guess everything I do... like if I pick up a can of coke I get to the till and wonder if I should change it for a sprite! So anyway, when I am with him time stands still and I love it and it's amazing bla bla bla... when he leaves I suddenly start having all sorts of horrible thoughts... don't get me wrong I still look forward to talking to him every day, spend most of my time making plans for NZ, keep in touch with his family who I love also, talk about him nonstop to anyone who'll listen etc etc... but it's like my head is split in two... I have a nice thought like "I can't wait to see him in 4 weeks" and then the other part of my brain will counteract this with some sort of doubt like "are you sure this is what you want..."

It's literally like the devil and the angel, like I have a little demon on my shoulder trying to ruin my happiness. I have never met such an incredible man and I never had a single one of these demonic thoughts until the day we made it "official". I don't know whether it is just the pressure of an LDR or and daunting thought that I am going to leave my friends and family for a year in September and then probably forever if I move to be with him... I don't know. What I do know is I want it to stop because deep down I know how I feel about this man and I tell myself this every day. I am seeing someone about this (my anxiety) and I am challenging my worries and fears... I just wondered whether I was alone in feeling like this or whether anyone else in an LDR suffers from anxiety and doubts during their time apart from their SO. I am just holding out hope that when I go to NZ and we are together, like a normal couple with a nice little apartment and we don't have to be apart any more all these worries will go away... I think it's just cos I feel like I don't even have a boyfriend sometimes and the 2 weeks we spend together always seems like a distant memory after literally one day of being apart...

[srtd35]

I have to same thoughts hour to hour sometimes. One time I think I can do this, I miss him like crazy but I can survive until we can be together all the time. Then an hour or so later I will think I can't do this any more it is too hard. I think it is natural to feel that way. I only left a week and half ago and it feels like forever since I saw him last. It is hard!

[twinkle22]

I seriously wish I could rip my brain out & replace it with a new one sometimes!

[digitalfever]

I personally feel your dreaming. Relationships anxieties don't stop just because your together... They change. Living together doesn't always equate to spending more time together, sometimes people change, you have to learn to be a close distance couple. I think you need to learn how to manage your anxiety rather than hope relationship relayed anxiety goes away after you close the distance.

[Jess!]

If you have an anxiety disorder, it is normal that an LDR causes you more stress. I suffer from it as well and I am aware that even when my anxiety is ''managed'' it makes the LDR harder and it has side effects too, as you sure know... The thing is, anxiety is there before the relationship and a lot other things will cause anxiety as well.
Suffering from it, I try to manage it and being aware that the effort I have to do is bigger in my LDR compared maybe to how other people in LDR's cope with them. But when you close the distance, anxiety will be there too. Even for other reasons. You won't feel anxiety, I think, for the reasons you have now, but if you suffer from it anxiety will take other forms.
I think you should listen to your heart and expectations and leave the fear aside. If you're sure that you want to go there and stay with your SO and continue this awesome relationship, you have to fight anxiety back. It is normal to have doubts, but in the end you'll know what you want to do.

I understand that you hope anxiety will go away, but at the same time, you're not actually waiting for it, you're treating it and it takes courage! You're brave, remember this.

Follow your heart and stay true to yourself!

[twinkle22]

Thank you Jess! You have made me feel a lot better...
It is so hard to explain when you don't suffer from it... my Mum constantly says "just stop over thinking everything" but it is just not that easy

[Jess!]

Thank you Jess! You have made me feel a lot better...
It is so hard to explain when you don't suffer from it... my Mum constantly says "just stop over thinking everything" but it is just not that easy

I really get you! Try to fight back What I wrote is valid in case you're not second guessing yourself. In case you really don't want to go or you're trying to convince yourself to go, that is another story :X I hope I could help!

[katiecat08]

I dont really second guess that I want to be with my So..but I worry too much. If you're religious or believe in God..pray for strength from God to help you through this. I have to constantly stop and remember he is in control and he will provide everything for you. Just keep your chin up. God has a plan for your life.