This is all becoming too much for me. Do I end it?

[Geegee430]

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and things have been great up until recently. We had a rough patch about a month ago when he started distancing himself from me and wouldn't tell me why. Eventually he explained that he's been casually talking to someone else and he's been feeling guilty that he's even interested in anyone else. I was ready to end our relationship until he told he that he's sorry and that he's ashamed of himself for mistreating me. He promised he would stop talking to her and that he loved me.

The period of time where he was distant with me was probably one of the hardest times in my life. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why he was being this way when nothing had happened. Since then I've become super paranoid. Every little thing I do or say that I don't think he agrees with, I'm sure he's going to break up with me. I over-analyze every single thing he says or does until I make it into something bigger than it originally was. I can't eat or sleep and I feel so helpless. I'm constantly beating myself up everyday over the fact that I'm so attached to him and that I'm not stronger. I've never been like this before and it's scaring me. I'm on edge until I hear from him, and he sounds like he's okay. I'm in constant fear that he'll suddenly become distant again and find someone else. I'm starting to think something is wrong with me and don't know how to fix it.

On top of this, he's been extremely stressed out lately. Everyday a new problem arises and he gets very upset and nothing I do or say seems to put him at ease. He's struggling financially- behind a few months on rent and doesn't make much at work. His car that he's had for years is giving out on him and he has no money for a new one. Without a new car, it'll make getting to work and making money very hard. He has to work long hours and gets little to no sleep. He's been on edge for the past few days and so have I because of it. I want to help him through it but it's nearly impossible. He calls me and lets me know about his issues and I'm at a loss as to what to say. Whenever I suggest something he always shoots down the idea and wont hear it. I stopped trying to solve his problems and try and show him that I'm there for him with whatever he chooses. That doesn't work. He becomes irritated with me and sometimes every angry.

This is all effecting me so much and I almost think I'm not strong enough to be in a relationship right now. Or just this one. I love him so much and I wanted us to be like we were before but I don't think it'll ever happen. He was so fun loving and caring but I rarely see that side anymore. I'm stressed everyday, and have almost become zombie-like because I can't eat or sleep. My family is worried about me and I just don't know what to do. I've never been this way before and I really just want it to stop.

I'm supposed to visit him in 2 weeks and I don't know if it's such a great idea anymore.

[Dezface]

When a relationship ceases making you a better person, and instead tears you down, I'm of the opinion that it's time to end it. Maybe after you've broken it off and you both have time to get some perspective, things could pick back up again. I wouldn't go into it counting on that though. If you truly feel you're better off walking away, then dig deep and do it. Good luck to you.

[Black_Halloween]

Have you even had a heart to heart with him yet? Tell him how he's acting (in a non angry way) and tell him how much its hurting you. I get that he's stressed out, we all are but that's no excuse for treating you so badly. Relationships are not rainbows and sunshine all the time either. You fight, get frustrated, cry, ectect. Its all in how you both handle it and the outcome that defines the relationship.

[Geegee430]

When a relationship ceases making you a better person, and instead tears you down, I'm of the opinion that it's time to end it. Maybe after you've broken it off and you both have time to get some perspective, things could pick back up again. I wouldn't go into it counting on that though. If you truly feel you're better off walking away, then dig deep and do it. Good luck to you.

I agree with you. It's been in my head to follow through with this but I'm just so scared. It's irrational but I feel like I wont be happy again after we break up. I just have to be strong.

[Geegee430]

Have you even had a heart to heart with him yet? Tell him how he's acting (in a non angry way) and tell him how much its hurting you. I get that he's stressed out, we all are but that's no excuse for treating you so badly. Relationships are not rainbows and sunshine all the time either. You fight, get frustrated, cry, ectect. Its all in how you both handle it and the outcome that defines the relationship.

And this is what the other part of me feels like. I had a very brief talk with him last night about it. It was short because I didn't open up as much as I wanted to. We've had a talk like this in the very very beginning of our relationship and he got angry and told me that "maybe he's not the person I want and he's not capable of loving me how I want to be loved." Because of that I was afraid to talk to him. But that was in the very first months of our relationship, and I was hurting enough to try again. He was very gentle and told me that I didn't have anything to worry about and that he loves me. This is why I think something is wrong with me. I'm so paranoid because even this didn't ease my mind. The distance is making it hard probably. When I visit him in two weeks and if I still feel like this, I might have to end it. Or take a break until I figure myself out.

[Black_Halloween]

And this is what the other part of me feels like. I had a very brief talk with him last night about it. It was short because I didn't open up as much as I wanted to. We've had a talk like this in the very very beginning of our relationship and he got angry and told me that "maybe he's not the person I want and he's not capable of loving me how I want to be loved." Because of that I was afraid to talk to him. But that was in the very first months of our relationship, and I was hurting enough to try again. He was very gentle and told me that I didn't have anything to worry about and that he loves me. This is why I think something is wrong with me. I'm so paranoid because even this didn't ease my mind. The distance is making it hard probably. When I visit him in two weeks and if I still feel like this, I might have to end it. Or take a break until I figure myself out.

There is NOTHING wrong with you at all and how he's been acting is appalling. Try opening up to him fully, see what he says and go from there.

[Geegee430]

There is NOTHING wrong with you at all and how he's been acting is appalling. Try opening up to him fully, see what he says and go from there.

Thank you, it's nice to hear that I'm not going insane. I'm going to try speaking to him again tonight.

[Gin_12]

And this is what the other part of me feels like. I had a very brief talk with him last night about it. It was short because I didn't open up as much as I wanted to. We've had a talk like this in the very very beginning of our relationship and he got angry and told me that "maybe he's not the person I want and he's not capable of loving me how I want to be loved." Because of that I was afraid to talk to him. But that was in the very first months of our relationship, and I was hurting enough to try again. He was very gentle and told me that I didn't have anything to worry about and that he loves me. This is why I think something is wrong with me. I'm so paranoid because even this didn't ease my mind. The distance is making it hard probably. When I visit him in two weeks and if I still feel like this, I might have to end it. Or take a break until I figure myself out.

Honestly, I am a bit concerned by the statements I highlighted above. They sounds very manipulative to me and I if you asked me, I would post-pone the visit until you've both talked thoroughly about all of this and you are back to feeling SAFE and SECURE in the relationship.
My last relationship was an abusive one and my ex was a master at manipulation. One moment, I knew there was something off, the next, I felt something had to be done about it, but I also felt I couldn't live without him and didn't want to make him angry because I "loved him so much"!!! Eventually, I thought I was losing my mind and I was so wrapped up trying to make sense of the relationship and trying to stay aflot that I neglected warnings from family and friends and even perfect strangers who'd witnessed my ex' attitude towards me.

Please understand that I am not trying to say that he is an abusive person or that you are in an abusive relationship. I am just sensitive to manipulative ways. His reaction (anger) towards your simply expressing how you felt was unwarranted. Planned or not, it led to "fear" to open up to him and this from the very beginning of your relationship. That's what makes me nervous...
However you choose to handle this, I wish you well and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you. TRUST YOUR GUT!!! pm me if you want to talk more and there are a lot of people here to support you.

[Geegee430]

Honestly, I am a bit concerned by the statements I highlighted above. They sounds very manipulative to me and I if you asked me, I would post-pone the visit until you've both talked thoroughly about all of this and you are back to feeling SAFE and SECURE in the relationship.
My last relationship was an abusive one and my ex was a master at manipulation. One moment, I knew there was something off, the next, I felt something had to be done about it, but I also felt I couldn't live without him and didn't want to make him angry because I "loved him so much"!!! Eventually, I thought I was losing my mind and I was so wrapped up trying to make sense of the relationship and trying to stay aflot that I neglected warnings from family and friends and even perfect strangers who'd witnessed my ex' attitude towards me.

Please understand that I am not trying to say that he is an abusive person or that you are in an abusive relationship. I am just sensitive to manipulative ways. His reaction (anger) towards your simply expressing how you felt was unwarranted. Planned or not, it led to "fear" to open up to him and this from the very beginning of your relationship. That's what makes me nervous...
However you choose to handle this, I wish you well and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you. TRUST YOUR GUT!!! pm me if you want to talk more and there are a lot of people here to support you.

I'll do that

[Kiyama]

The fact that he's interested in someone else would be a red flag to me. It doesn't sound like he had a little flirt that occurred once but that he talked to her over a period of time.
I don't doubt he has feelings for you but maybe they are not as deep as they should be? Why would he be interested in someone else then?
These feelings of insecurity could be your gut telling you that something isn't right. Trust in yourself and your feelings. If your guy screams you can't feel save in the relationship, there is a reason for it that can't be ignored. I know your heart will tell you otherwise but you should weigh the options. Good luck.