My SO and I will have been together for five months at the end of June, so… not all that long, really, but it’s been an absolutely incredible experience. While we’ve both become much busier since we started this and therefore don’t get to talk to one another nearly as often as we used to, it’s still a treat getting a chance to see him on our “skype dates.”
An issue has recently made its ugly self known, however, and I’m not entirely sure I know how to handle it. We were making plans to meet for the first time and decided on a date, but even though he’d been ready to buy a plane ticket (with me pitching in) one day, the next he told me that, actually, he wanted to wait. He’s only just managing to get himself a little bit of financial stability and wants to make more head-way in paying off his credit cards before putting something as expensive as a ticket on them.
Obviously, while I was immensely disappointed by this change in events, I understood and told him that that’s perfectly fine. There’s no rush; take your time. I said I’d still just go ahead and send my part of the ticket price we’d agreed on to his paypal for later… and he told me not to do it. There’s more than just the price of the ticket that’s got him hesitant to do anything yet.
We write to one another fairly often, so I’ll just go ahead and copy exactly what it was he told me: “There is a part of me that isn’t sure this is a good idea. I really have no idea how to explain what I think about how this would go down. I’m sure it would be a blast to come down there, and then back to Skype and text again only would be tough. After a couple times, hopefully not spanned over a very long period of time, I don’t know where it goes from there. I don’t know if I can move, or you, or w/e would make this really work. That fear probably seems very rushed, seeing as we haven’t met in person once. I guess I am looking at the big picture and future. Afraid how this would turn out in the long run. Or maybe it would be fine, I have no idea.”
I told him that I’d of course been having similar thoughts, but because I wasn’t entirely sure what to say to ease his fears, we decided that for now, we’d just wait and see where things were once he felt comfortable spending the money on a plane ticket. I think maybe I’ve been a little more willing to just say, “Do it, anyway, and see what happens” since I’m not the one who has to take the first jump, but I do understand where he’s coming from. Still, I’m confident in us and willing to make things work; I’m just not sure what to say to him to help overcome his fears enough that we can at least meet once.
I’m sure many of you have been in a similar situation, either from my point-of-view or his. What did you or your SO say or do to help the other through this struggle? I’m very proud of him for handling this so maturely and thinking things through, so I’d just like to help in any way I can. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
An issue has recently made its ugly self known, however, and I’m not entirely sure I know how to handle it. We were making plans to meet for the first time and decided on a date, but even though he’d been ready to buy a plane ticket (with me pitching in) one day, the next he told me that, actually, he wanted to wait. He’s only just managing to get himself a little bit of financial stability and wants to make more head-way in paying off his credit cards before putting something as expensive as a ticket on them.
Obviously, while I was immensely disappointed by this change in events, I understood and told him that that’s perfectly fine. There’s no rush; take your time. I said I’d still just go ahead and send my part of the ticket price we’d agreed on to his paypal for later… and he told me not to do it. There’s more than just the price of the ticket that’s got him hesitant to do anything yet.
We write to one another fairly often, so I’ll just go ahead and copy exactly what it was he told me: “There is a part of me that isn’t sure this is a good idea. I really have no idea how to explain what I think about how this would go down. I’m sure it would be a blast to come down there, and then back to Skype and text again only would be tough. After a couple times, hopefully not spanned over a very long period of time, I don’t know where it goes from there. I don’t know if I can move, or you, or w/e would make this really work. That fear probably seems very rushed, seeing as we haven’t met in person once. I guess I am looking at the big picture and future. Afraid how this would turn out in the long run. Or maybe it would be fine, I have no idea.”
I told him that I’d of course been having similar thoughts, but because I wasn’t entirely sure what to say to ease his fears, we decided that for now, we’d just wait and see where things were once he felt comfortable spending the money on a plane ticket. I think maybe I’ve been a little more willing to just say, “Do it, anyway, and see what happens” since I’m not the one who has to take the first jump, but I do understand where he’s coming from. Still, I’m confident in us and willing to make things work; I’m just not sure what to say to him to help overcome his fears enough that we can at least meet once.
I’m sure many of you have been in a similar situation, either from my point-of-view or his. What did you or your SO say or do to help the other through this struggle? I’m very proud of him for handling this so maturely and thinking things through, so I’d just like to help in any way I can. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
Meeting for the first time in a LDR is a turning point, there you will understand if you really feel for eachother the way you do, if you click together in real life the same way you do online. The future will never be sure, usually plans never go the way they were actually meant to. He should, this time, think of the here and now, not the future. After meeting it will be a lot more easier for you and him to order the priorities - do the fears still step in first place, or does he want to fight for this. Good luck!
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