I was standing on the edge of goodbye.

[garnet]

And then I shoved myself forward. 5 days shy of one year, I am calling it quits.

I have never been the same since I got pregnant and lived that hellish like 18 months. I was SO MESSED UP. I lost every bit of myself. I allowed myself to be badly emotionally abused. I was very empty. I was suffering badly from PPD, and PTSD, along with my usual anxiety and depression. I was numb. So numb. I didn't know right from wrong, good from bad.

Today I step away. He and I had some good times together - but they are now memories.

Needless to say, I will not be going to Tucson tomorrow.

What I will be doing is throwing myself much harder into the most awesome job in the world, being mama to Nate. Into finding out who I am now. I wont be leaving here (unless y'all take a vote and kick me out!), it's become a second home.

Thanks for the support along the way. I'm glad this is how it ended, but I wish it never would have started.

[lucybelle]

I'm sorry to read this

You will find true happiness, even if it's just being with Nate for a few years. Best wishes, and I think we can all take a vote and say you're NOT allowed to leave!

[Karoshi]

Oh dear, it's amazing how strong you are and how are you dealing with this situation. Good luck, I hope you will find someone who will be great partner for you and great father for your son <3

[garnet]

I'm sorry to read this

You will find true happiness, even if it's just being with Nate for a few years. Best wishes, and I think we can all take a vote and say you're NOT allowed to leave!

Thanks. It feels like a giant weight has been lifted.

Last night, I even had a great time at the health market with Nate and his dad. Who knows, maybe someday that will be able to be fixed. It's just nice to feel like I can breathe again.

[garnet]

Oh dear, it's amazing how strong you are and how are you dealing with this situation. Good luck, I hope you will find someone who will be great partner for you and great father for your son <3

Thank you, Karoshi. I appreciate that. I feel stronger saying goodbye than I ever did letting things carry on. I feel some sadness too, of course - but I suppose thats just how it goes. When my 11 year marriage came to an end, I spent many nights crying myself to sleep, and my ex husband had found himself a stripper while we were "happy." So yeah, sad shouldn't surprise me, lol.

[mllebamako]

Oh garnet, I am sorry to read this but also happy for you because it seems like a real weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Take this time and take care of yourself and that beautiful son of yours! Who knows what the future will bring but, for now, focus on bringing happiness to yourself and your family and good things will come in time.

And, duh, you better stay!

[marbear31]

I'm so sorry to read this as well, but I just wanted to tell you I'm glad you're finding happiness within yourself, because that is the greatest gift that no person outside of ourselves can ever fill.

And, ummm...leave? Is that even a word in the LFAD vocabulary?

[Louise_B]

Oh Garnet,

I was utter shock reading this i am so sorry! you know where i am if you need me!

[Riyko]

sorry to hear this, but doing what is best for you and nate is what matters the most right now

[Ejoriah]

Congratulations on doing what's best for you. I know it's hard now but it can only get better from there!

[Chris516]

And then I shoved myself forward. 5 days shy of one year, I am calling it quits.

I have never been the same since I got pregnant and lived that hellish like 18 months. I was SO MESSED UP. I lost every bit of myself. I allowed myself to be badly emotionally abused. I was very empty. I was suffering badly from PPD, and PTSD, along with my usual anxiety and depression. I was numb. So numb. I didn't know right from wrong, good from bad.

Today I step away. He and I had some good times together - but they are now memories.

Needless to say, I will not be going to Tucson tomorrow.

What I will be doing is throwing myself much harder into the most awesome job in the world, being mama to Nate. Into finding out who I am now. I wont be leaving here (unless y'all take a vote and kick me out!), it's become a second home.

Thanks for the support along the way. I'm glad this is how it ended, but I wish it never would have started.

I am so sorry that happened.

[SeeRat]

I am so sorry... Good to know that you are focusing on positive in your life.

[Kristin91]

Oh garnet I'm so sorry to hear this. But you have to do what's best for you and your son. I wish you the best of luck!

[Karringtyn]

I am sorry. If you need an ear I am here!! You BEST stay here~

[blankita719]

Sending big hugs - I know it must have been a tough choice but you have to make yourself happy first. And yeah - just adding on to the please stay crowd