Am I being silly?

[Bex2804]

So my SO will be here in 10 days ( I haven't seen him since January) and every time I bring up something we can do, for example I am taking my horse to his first show while my SO is here and have invited him along only to get the response, " I'm not making any plans". This isn't the first time he has said this and it is really upseting me. When I asked him why he isn't making plans he was like, " I don't want to make plans and then have to cancel if something else comes up". Really? Something more important will come up while you are here to vist me? What does everyone else think? Am I right to be upset?

[oxytocinbite]

I think your SO meant that he doesn't want to make plans when he is in person with you because something better may come up to do with you. I think you misunderstood him..but if he meant that he doesn't want to make plans cause he may have to leave and do something without you then I would be angry at him.

[CanadianGirl]

You should tell him that it bothers you a little that he's not planning with you. Maybe he's more of a "go with the flow" kind of person? If so, you could meet in the middle and come up with a list of things you could do. It's a little odd that he'd think something else would just "come up".. Either way, this seems like it would be solved with a little more communication.

[aniay]

My SO is a person who makes plans all the time while I wing everything most of the time.

I'd sugest you talk with him and explain how you feel about it, then it's up to him what he does with it. From experience I know not making plans seems carless for other people but I hate making plans too far in advance becaus I'm crap in following them.

[Karoshi]

Why should you be silly? I can totally understand that this behaviour bothers you, but on the other hand, maybe you are just overreacting (I do it all the time!). I don't know what is your boyfriend like, but maybe he just don't like making plans and is the "go with the flow" type, like CanadianGirl mentioned. But if it really bothers you, talk with him about it and explain how you feel - I'm sure he will understand.

[Bex2804]

He's the type of guy who plans his whole day down to the nearest minute because he has a lot of school work so yeah, he does plan stuff. And he does mean other stuff coming up that doesn't involve me :/ I'm just really confused, I mean I got dragged to the other side of his country last time I was with him yet he doesn't see that I would like to plan stuff for us to do together while he is here! Something's I want to do I HAVE to plan in advance including booking a flying lesson for his birthday present because I wasn't with him on his birthday but now I don't see the point! I hate feeling second best and him saying that more important/better things may come up that don't involve me is beyond annoying... :'(

[SoConfused]

I can understand where you're coming from. I'd be upset if my boyfriend wouldn't make plans with me in order to keep his calendar open in case "something else comes up." I'm much more of a planner than my boyfriend is, but we solved this by coming to the compromise that when he comes here, I plan out our activities, and when I go there, he makes the plans. This works out well for us, but it doesn't sound like your SO is open to this. =(. The only advice I have is to talk to him and explain that it hurts you to think that he doesn't want to make plans with you in case something better comes up. That would really hurt me. I don't think you're being silly at all. I think he's being insensitive.

[digitalfever]

Maybe he doesn't want to go to the horse show?

[Black_Halloween]

You need to tell him how you feel.

[snow]

I'd say find out what other things would get in the way? Is it school work? Meeting other people?
I think that's important to find out - I have to do school work while I'm here too and we didn't plan when I'll do it.
If he's meeting other people.. do friends of him live close to you so he'd like to meet them?

Other than that: Plan ahead by yourself. There is things you have to do, like the horse show that can't be cancelled, but leave the option open for him to come along if he wants to and if he doesn't.. well then you have to make sure he has somewhere to stay while you're out.

The first time I came around my boyfriend planned the whole week - he informed me of some things that we would do, but most of it was a suprise.
In hindsight, if I may give you some advice, don't plan too many things to do - chances are at times you just want to be around your SO and not do anything in particular!

[Safihre]

You're not being silly.. My SO does the same and I hate it. It always makes me feel like the effort I put into figuring out the details was for nothing.
We talked about it but it seems just to be a her personality..

[Sunbeam]

You're not being silly.
My SO did something similar about a week ago. Apparently, it's also just his personality.

[lovebunnie1212]

well if ur a planner i could see how that would annoy you and upset you but truthfully you can talk about ideas as a round about way but dont set anything in stone sounds like he could have somethin special he has planned or he could just plain be a spontaneous person in general dont take it hurtfully though....