Trust & Argument

[Jovan]

Lately we ve been argue a lot. It's happened since last 2 weeks. One day we were okay and the next day we'll fighting. And it's all caused by small problem. We were start fighting when one of us did not reply a message or did not answer the call. She will cried every time i say we shouldn't call all the time and need to reduce. I know this is not healthy for our relations. Both of us are jealousy. We don't want to lose each other. We had a deal. We only can go out with our family members and closest friend. She's very sensitive lately. I got a few emails from a girls which made us argue too. I'm loyal to her and never think that i would betray her. Somehow i don't really trust her because she ever been cheated me and betray me before. I fear that she will do it again. We have been online together since last couple of months. From Night till morning. Accompany her and night till morning while she was out of country. Even in the weekend we spend time together online call. I feel so close yet we argue a lot. Our communication and understanding are getting worse. Either both us will misinterpret each other when we tried to explain.
I don't know how to go about it now. She wants me to swearing for not acting cold to her, but she did it to me now.
Is there any way to solve or fix this?
Any input would be very helpful.

[Rhiavaan]

Sounds like the distance is getting to you two. Not knowing your back story all I can say is plan a visit, when you get there, have a heart to heart talk. If you both want this then you need to put work into it to keep it alive. LDR's are no fun but they are worth it when you end the distance. Good luck Jovan and keep us updated.

[annamorgan]

Me and Travis (my SO) have a lot of the same problems as you stated, so I know how bad you feel I don't really know what to say just to communicate as well as you can and persevere through everything! Things will all turn out good eventually.

[LadyMarchHare]

First off, the trust issue needs fixing ASAP. If she's cheated on you before you have every right to be cautious but to go to such extremes as to actually have an agreement that you guys can't be out with people other than friends or family? That's, well, insane. If you've given her no reason to not trust you then I have to say she's either very paranoid or she's on the verge of cheating again herself. Those who cheat will often accuse the other of cheating so they either feel justified in their stupidity or want to pretend they're not the one at fault.

As for the fights, if she's the one causing problems about the frequency of your calls and IMs she might be a tad too attached, which isn't healthy. Sure we generally like to spend as much time with our boyfriends/girlfriends as possible but if one of you wants less time it shouldn't be that big of a deal. If she starts the fight, tell her "you're angry, we'll talk when you aren't so you don't say something you'll regret." and either log off/hang up or ignore her. Sounds kinda mean but believe me if you stop talking when you're mad and wait until you aren't to address the issue, things get done faster and in a more positive light.

Is there a language barrier between you two? That might explain some of the mis-communication. If you're having trouble saying what needs to be said when she's there try writing it down in a letter or on the computer to either show her or use as a guide the next time you talk. If you have to, dumb it down and make it into simple sentences, it doesn't matter so long as she understands how you feel and the issues can be resolved in a manner that doesn't have you both spitting acid at each other.

[paulawriteslove]

First off, the trust issue needs fixing ASAP.

I completely agree! The trust issue definitely needs to be fixed!

You need to talk to her and tell her how you feel.

[Jovan]

As for the fights, if she's the one causing problems about the frequency of your calls and IMs she might be a tad too attached, which isn't healthy. Sure we generally like to spend as much time with our boyfriends/girlfriends as possible but if one of you wants less time it shouldn't be that big of a deal. If she starts the fight, tell her "you're angry, we'll talk when you aren't so you don't say something you'll regret." and either log off/hang up or ignore her. Sounds kinda mean but believe me if you stop talking when you're mad and wait until you aren't to address the issue, things get done faster and in a more positive light.

> LadyMarchHare: I have been doing this since long time where i hang up the phone while she's talking. It's not solve the problem but make it more worse. We'll argue till we settle the problem. It can be a from morning till the next day. I Love her but the argument made me fade up and feel wanna give up.

[LadyMarchHare]

> LadyMarchHare: I have been doing this since long time where i hang up the phone while she's talking. It's not solve the problem but make it more worse. We'll argue till we settle the problem. It can be a from morning till the next day. I Love her but the argument made me fade up and feel wanna give up.

Are you just hanging up without warning? That's never a good idea. I meant tell her she's obviously upset and that you don't want to fight so you're gonna give her time to cool off, and then hang up. Just doing it flat out's rude and I'd be mad too if someone did that to me.

[MTK]

I think you should talk to her about your trust issues and see if maybe you can figure something out that actually won't require that you spend 24/7 together as that also might be one of the reasons that you spend so much time arguing. Also you should talk about how it is not always possible to respond to messages as real life might not go as planned.
If your converastions tend to blow up and ends in arguing you should tell her that some time apart will be good for you at the moment so you can get some perspective.

I think you should tell her how all this arguing is making you feel, how it is draining you. That way she might see that going about it this way probably isn't the right thing to do.