I'm in desperate need of some reassurance that what I'm doing is the correct course of action.
Yesterday marked five months for my SO and I having been together. For our first few months, we were absolutely buried in that "honeymoon stage," where we texted frequently and made sure to skype most nights for hours. It was an incredible experience where we grew close and shared so much. He was a very sweet, respectful, funny man who shared many of my values and opinions, although we still had a healthy set of differences that made friendly debate and such a ton of fun. Overall, things were just... phenomenal, and I felt so lucky to have met him.
About two months ago, he moved out of the apartment he'd had for four years and back in with his parents because he could no longer afford to pay his rent after it doubled. It was a wise move, of course, since he has a steady job that pays well, and not having to pay such enormous rent every month would allow him to gain a little bit of financial stability once again. I knew our time together would lessen since he'd want to spend time with his parents as thanks for allowing him to stay with them, and I was fine with that.
What I didn't anticipate was, after just two weeks, our regular communication took a significant fall. Over the course of a few days, his texts puttered out, and he skipped out on skype, something he had never done before. I took it in stride, figuring this was only natural and that our near-constant communication before had been a little excessive, anyway. But as days went by, I received fewer and fewer texts, and he never once got on skype again. So, finally, I pulled out a move we'd used a lot before: I wrote him a message on a forum we both used to frequent and told him I was concerned, wondering if I'd done something to push him away and that I felt a little cold-shouldered. He eventually replied, assuring me he hadn't meant to make me feel that way at all, that it was absolutely not me, but he had become super busy. Of course, I understood, so I backed off and gave him space, waiting patiently for the day he'd have a little more free time and hop online to talk to me.
He never did. A month and a half passed in which his replies to my (infrequent, so as not to distract him too badly, but still daily) texts became shorter and shorter, and it was like pulling teeth getting him to keep a conversation going. He'd also never be the one to initiate conversations anymore. He would never get on skype, despite the fact that he'd told me one day that he spends a lot of his nights just relaxing in front of the TV with his parents. I tried not to ask for a night of skyping too frequently, but when I did and he'd agree to it, he'd end up not showing up and then not even send me a text with an apology and explanation.
A few nights ago, after one such event and another week of two-word text replies, I decided to just... stop. I'm so tired of always being the one to initiate everything, I just needed a break. It wasn't exactly a test to see if he'd text me, but I won't lie and say I wasn't harboring the hope that he would. And yet, I still haven't heard a single word from him. At this point, I'm just so utterly frustrated and confused, and yesterday I wrote a little rant that I ended up sending him in another message today. It was basically me saying look, I don't know what's going on, but I need an explanation. Whatever you're trying to do, this is an absolutely awful way to go about it because our plan to remain friends if we ever broke up may be impossible after the disrespect and disregard I've been feeling for the last month and a half. I don't understand why you can't take one or two nights a week that you'd otherwise just be watching TV, just half an hour at most, if that's all I can get, and talk to me. It hurts not knowing why.
I haven't yet texted him to let him know about the message because, while part of me is still curious to see how long it takes before he'll text me, there's another part of me that is just terrified to have him read it. I'm so afraid I'm overreacting, or that this hasn't been intentional at all, but is that even possible? I understand needing space, but to treat me like this? ....I don't know. I'm just so mentally exhausted by all of this. I've done my best to stay distracted, but it's difficult when you're practically being ignored by someone you care so much about, and for the entire situation to have escalated as quickly and abruptly as it did. It's been hard to adjust. I would just really like to know what you guys think of how I'm handling things because right now, I'm feeling awful and torn.
Thank you for any and all input.
Yesterday marked five months for my SO and I having been together. For our first few months, we were absolutely buried in that "honeymoon stage," where we texted frequently and made sure to skype most nights for hours. It was an incredible experience where we grew close and shared so much. He was a very sweet, respectful, funny man who shared many of my values and opinions, although we still had a healthy set of differences that made friendly debate and such a ton of fun. Overall, things were just... phenomenal, and I felt so lucky to have met him.
About two months ago, he moved out of the apartment he'd had for four years and back in with his parents because he could no longer afford to pay his rent after it doubled. It was a wise move, of course, since he has a steady job that pays well, and not having to pay such enormous rent every month would allow him to gain a little bit of financial stability once again. I knew our time together would lessen since he'd want to spend time with his parents as thanks for allowing him to stay with them, and I was fine with that.
What I didn't anticipate was, after just two weeks, our regular communication took a significant fall. Over the course of a few days, his texts puttered out, and he skipped out on skype, something he had never done before. I took it in stride, figuring this was only natural and that our near-constant communication before had been a little excessive, anyway. But as days went by, I received fewer and fewer texts, and he never once got on skype again. So, finally, I pulled out a move we'd used a lot before: I wrote him a message on a forum we both used to frequent and told him I was concerned, wondering if I'd done something to push him away and that I felt a little cold-shouldered. He eventually replied, assuring me he hadn't meant to make me feel that way at all, that it was absolutely not me, but he had become super busy. Of course, I understood, so I backed off and gave him space, waiting patiently for the day he'd have a little more free time and hop online to talk to me.
He never did. A month and a half passed in which his replies to my (infrequent, so as not to distract him too badly, but still daily) texts became shorter and shorter, and it was like pulling teeth getting him to keep a conversation going. He'd also never be the one to initiate conversations anymore. He would never get on skype, despite the fact that he'd told me one day that he spends a lot of his nights just relaxing in front of the TV with his parents. I tried not to ask for a night of skyping too frequently, but when I did and he'd agree to it, he'd end up not showing up and then not even send me a text with an apology and explanation.
A few nights ago, after one such event and another week of two-word text replies, I decided to just... stop. I'm so tired of always being the one to initiate everything, I just needed a break. It wasn't exactly a test to see if he'd text me, but I won't lie and say I wasn't harboring the hope that he would. And yet, I still haven't heard a single word from him. At this point, I'm just so utterly frustrated and confused, and yesterday I wrote a little rant that I ended up sending him in another message today. It was basically me saying look, I don't know what's going on, but I need an explanation. Whatever you're trying to do, this is an absolutely awful way to go about it because our plan to remain friends if we ever broke up may be impossible after the disrespect and disregard I've been feeling for the last month and a half. I don't understand why you can't take one or two nights a week that you'd otherwise just be watching TV, just half an hour at most, if that's all I can get, and talk to me. It hurts not knowing why.
I haven't yet texted him to let him know about the message because, while part of me is still curious to see how long it takes before he'll text me, there's another part of me that is just terrified to have him read it. I'm so afraid I'm overreacting, or that this hasn't been intentional at all, but is that even possible? I understand needing space, but to treat me like this? ....I don't know. I'm just so mentally exhausted by all of this. I've done my best to stay distracted, but it's difficult when you're practically being ignored by someone you care so much about, and for the entire situation to have escalated as quickly and abruptly as it did. It's been hard to adjust. I would just really like to know what you guys think of how I'm handling things because right now, I'm feeling awful and torn.
Thank you for any and all input.
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