Maybe its over

[starksito]

Well guys I have been trying to help my girlfriend to overcome her situation about the distance, I mean she lately feels like she cannot handle it anymore because its too hard, we have been together for 2.5 years but oficially 1.5 years... Im closing the distance in november but seems like she is giving up :S I tried everything to support her but seems like it didnt work very well because she wants to be together with me, and for now we have to wait less than 5 months, but aparently she is done and Im trying to be ready for the worse, I still cannot understand how she is giving up when we will close the distance soon... anyways, I dont believe she doesnt like me anymore or there is someone else... its just she cannot handle it any longer and Im totally lost, Im trying to be prepared for the next few days or even in a few moments when she decides to end with this, since she "thinks that cannot handle with it anymore"

[ams.201220]

I would honestly just ask her if she wants to end it. I mean if she's giving up now, when you're both so close to the finish line then there must be something deeper under the surface that she's worried about. I see no reason that you should wait for her to break things off when you've tried your hardest to finally be together. That's just really shitty in my opinion. You deserve a lot better than that and she needs to understand how you feel about it as well.

[temporaryuser]

I agree that there must be more to it. Could she be getting nervous that you will actually be closing the distance? For some people, being in a ldr that has no end is "safe". Those people couldnt handle being cd with that person. Talk to her and see if you can get more than the distance being too hard.

[starksito]

She just says "I dont know", "lets see with the time"... sentences like these is all what I get. I honestly believe that there is no something else, but she is kinda tired of being in a relation like this. Of course it sucks because I have tried everything for her, I gave up many things for her, and now she doesnt know if she can handle this :S so guys... I dont know what to do but wait for her. Of course she wants to keep going, otherwise she would have ended with me, but she doesnt give me security about us... anyway I have my ticket to move there and Im still waiting :S

[ams.201220]

She just says "I dont know", "lets see with the time"... sentences like these is all what I get. I honestly believe that there is no something else, but she is kinda tired of being in a relation like this. Of course it sucks because I have tried everything for her, I gave up many things for her, and now she doesnt know if she can handle this :S so guys... I dont know what to do but wait for her. Of course she wants to keep going, otherwise she would have ended with me, but she doesnt give me security about us... anyway I have my ticket to move there and Im still waiting :S

Have you tried telling her that you're kinda in a limbo with all of this?? If I was in that position, I wouldn't know what to do and I'd end up getting upset. If she decides like a week before you're supposed to go, where does that leave you? Heartbroken and out a lot of money.

[Black_Halloween]

I'd straight up ask her for a yes or no answer. Its not fair for her to be acting like this...and so close to closing the distance...what a shame.

[starksito]

Have you tried telling her that you're kinda in a limbo with all of this?? If I was in that position, I wouldn't know what to do and I'd end up getting upset. If she decides like a week before you're supposed to go, where does that leave you? Heartbroken and out a lot of money.

I really think if we are one or even 2 months before Im supposed to go everything will be okay, all that shee feels is sadness because im not there, she sees her friends with their couples and things like that make her fall down :S the last thing she said is that she will keep trying, but just sometimes its like she cannot do it anymore, she likes me ALOT (she told me) the problem is that she misses alot, she cannot bear with the distance any longer... my question is: should I end this? or should I wait for her? I mean if she can wait me or she cannot

[ams.201220]

I really think if we are one or even 2 months before Im supposed to go everything will be okay, all that shee feels is sadness because im not there, she sees her friends with their couples and things like that make her fall down :S the last thing she said is that she will keep trying, but just sometimes its like she cannot do it anymore, she likes me ALOT (she told me) the problem is that she misses alot, she cannot bear with the distance any longer... my question is: should I end this? or should I wait for her? I mean if she can wait me or she cannot

I don't like ultimatums, but she's kinda putting you in a situation for one. Like BH said, ask for a yes or no answer. It feels like she's just stringing you along. Don't you feel like that? If she misses you a lot, she should try harder. We're ALL going through or have gone through an LDR. Some have been LD for years! If she truly likes you, she'll take your feelings into consideration as much as she wants you to take hers. But this isn't fair to you.

I can't tell you to end it or not, but I can tell you that you shouldn't be kept in the dark like she's doing. You have no idea if you're going to be together or not in the long run, and that's a really scary feeling to have.

[libelle]

How long has it been since you guys last met? I know you must be having big expenses right now and also i have no idea how far apart you two live, but since you are sure she has no one else and she has no other reason beside it being too much, wouldn't a short trip be able to give you some hope? I don't think that if she is hiding something, it will be so easy to conceal in a face to face conversation. If she isn't, then thi seeing you again might give her the little boost she needs in order to climb up the last hill. And if it was meant to be over, at least that would happen again, face to face and not in a blunt conversation over the internet.

Also, i think suggesting a last ldr trip might give you the answers even before you travelled. It all comes down to her reaction. If she is willing to give it a try, to help herself, if she sounds happy about the possibility of seeing you before those 5 months, then there is a chance. If not, then she is just not willing to work for it and you two are on different pages already.

[starksito]

The idea about a short trip is out of the table because I dont have enough money... neither time beacuse Im finishing my career here and I will be extremely busy those days so I cannot afford it. If I face her in a situation when she has to decide maybe her answer will be "no" since she never liked that pression, maybe Im wrong and she will say yes, but right now her answer is: "we will see how things happen" I have the hope that with the pass of the time, she will notice that we are closer to the day and will try to wait for me. Our last met was 5 months ago, and we have to wait another almost 5... she asked me for a break once because the same situation, but since we came back I thought it was gonna be easier but seems like she fell down again and by her own words, she has been like that before but never that long... she started to think that the relationship isnt healthy anymore since she suffers alot and of course that I do as well but Im doing my best to wait, maybe the distance is too much for her now :S she likes me a lot, but she doesnt like the distance... and trust me guys I dont know what to do :S

[ams.201220]

The idea about a short trip is out of the table because I dont have enough money... neither time beacuse Im finishing my career here and I will be extremely busy those days so I cannot afford it. If I face her in a situation when she has to decide maybe her answer will be "no" since she never liked that pression, maybe Im wrong and she will say yes, but right now her answer is: "we will see how things happen" I have the hope that with the pass of the time, she will notice that we are closer to the day and will try to wait for me. Our last met was 5 months ago, and we have to wait another almost 5... she asked me for a break once because the same situation, but since we came back I thought it was gonna be easier but seems like she fell down again and by her own words, she has been like that before but never that long... she started to think that the relationship isnt healthy anymore since she suffers alot and of course that I do as well but Im doing my best to wait, maybe the distance is too much for her now :S she likes me a lot, but she doesnt like the distance... and trust me guys I dont know what to do :S

I'm at a loss as much as you are. It looks like the best thing is to just wait. Maybe you should try sending her flowers or a letter or something in the meantime to keep her mind off of things?

[Filly]

I am going to be brutally honest and say that in my opinion a woman who likes you A LOT is more than likely not ready to close the distance. And I honestly believe that is why she keeps saying I don't know and let's see. I believe until she starts feeling something stronger than like you'll continue to have this problem.

[LittleBox]

Have you met before? You've both invested a lot of time and effort into this relationship over the years, maybe she's just feeling nervous about you closing the distance. Seeing other couples together can be quite depressing at times but if she were truly committed then 5 months is nothing in comparison the time you've already spent apart. I can't help thinking that there's something else on her mind that could be making her doubtful. When you're this close to closing the distance a "wait and see" approach is not the way to go. You need to have a serious talk with her and get some straight answers. You're the one making the sacrifice to move to be with her, you need to have a clear mindset and some sort of a guarantee.

[starksito]

That is the problem guys, I have had this conversation with her before and he swear that the only problem is the distance, I know that she feels something stronger than just like me, she loves me and I cannot denied or doubt about it... she is too depresive for what I can see, and probably this is because Im her first boyfriend (she is my first girlfriend as well) and she is 19 and Im 24 maybe the difference of ages doesnt help neither :S I have visiter her 3 times and always it has been for more than a month seeing her daily. The only problem I see here is the distance for her, to be honest she never was good to handle this... this is not the first time that she is feeling like that and last year she was planning in leave but after we met again she gained strenght again... we were used to see us twice per year but this year I cannot go in august and maybe its the reason why she is feeling so down... trust me guys, there is nothing else but the distance what is killing her or I should say our relationship, and sadly I cannot do ANYTHING until I meet her in november. She also says that she knows that there is no much time left until we close the distance but sometimes its too hard for her, maybe because in university she sees a lot of couples and make her feel down... Im totally lost because I dont know what to do to cheers her up