Been a while, but this LFAD thing needs a finisher.

[kikidee]

Gee, thanks for telling us all of our relationships are shams. Especially to those who have closed the distance/gotten married/have kids.

LOL that's exactly what I was thinking.

[garnet]

I try not to post if I have nothing constructive to say, but what an obnoxious, unnecessary thread. I mean, I'm sorry things didn't go your way. But there is ZERO reason to speak so carelessly and in a way that brings others down. Long distance CAN work. The relationship is totally valid and real. They do end successfully, very often.

[Jess!]

The poster said it depended on both partners. I am sorry things didn't work out for you, but as you put it, it all depends of the effort one puts in their relationship! Clearly that didn't happen with you. I am closing the distance in less than 2 weeks and our relationship got stronger with the distance, although being LD it is not an 'ideal' situation.


I know you have that bias, something shitty happened to you, but generalizations always go wrong...

Good lukc the next time!

[LadyDaemon]

I try not to post if I have nothing constructive to say, but what an obnoxious, unnecessary thread. I mean, I'm sorry things didn't go your way. But there is ZERO reason to speak so carelessly and in a way that brings others down. Long distance CAN work. The relationship is totally valid and real. They do end successfully, very often.

I can't help but say I feel the same way about this. This was just kinda a needless verbal drive by shooting on LDRs. I feel the jest of what you did was come back just to tell us that your relationship failed,that because of your bad experience all LDRs are doomed to fail and that to me was sorta pointless. I don't think some people realize that an LDR doesn't just not work most of the time because it's a LDR,it doesn't work because of the people involved. The things you mention can happen in any relationships CD or LD as others have said. They do work and just because you had one bad experience doesn't mean they're all that way. As a matter of fact,June 15th I just closed the distance with my fiance. So maybe next time you get into an LDR you'll pick a better person to do it with.

[ThePiedPiper]

Can someone please tell me where the OPer explicitly said LDRs don't work...? What am I not seeing?

[Trethsparr]

nd as hard as it to stop yourself from taking what you want from where you're going to get it...this idea of a "relationship" isn't one. Relationships are in-person at their core. Shared daily life and experiences and being a part of that persons life in a tangible way. Relationships are associations that "relate" to each others memories, needs, wants and desires. I learned that no matter how hard you try, the normal human experience of being with someone cannot be discounted or replaced by making phone calls, emails, facebooking, skyping, gifting, or wishing for things you can't make happen, endlessly. If you wanna be a part of that person's life..you gotta be there with them taking the good days and the bad. If you're not, there's seemingly inevitably someone that will.

Can someone please tell me where the OPer explicitly said LDRs don't work...? What am I not seeing?

If I had to guess, I'd say it's this part that people are reacting to.

[ThePiedPiper]

If I had to guess, I'd say it's this part that people are reacting to.

But the OPer said "this idea isn't a relationship," with idea implying the philosophy of having your cake and eating it too, as his SO did. The OPer also said that that the core of a relationship is shared experiences. This is true. And if the experience of a relationship weren't "in person" at the core and if it were able to be replaced with phone calls and Skype, then everyone on this forum wouldn't be working so hard to close the distance. Furthermore, taking the good days with the bad is a good and solid piece of advice. If the OPer thinks you need to do that by being with someone in person, then let the OPer be there with someone in person and have enough faith in your own relationship to not feel shot down by some random who has decided that's how they'd meet their personal needs. I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm not currently in a LDR/relationship, but I don't see how he's saying LDRs don't work. Those are solid pieces of advice and, frankly, there's a reason a lot of us would choose not to be in a relationship if there was no end date in sight. I don't see how that somehow discredits the relationship as a whole to acknowledge that closing the distance someday is a huge part of what makes being long distance possible.

[committed]

The OP is hurting and justly so, however, his post is not obnoxious. He's lost faith in LDRs and spoke to all of us in a calm manner. I feel he's just stating his facts. My relationship is not so fragile that I need to pounce all over him for thinking LDRs do not work.

[lyonsgirl]

Piper, for me, put emphasis on this statement: "If you're not, there's seemingly inevitably someone that will." In relation to the, if you're not there every day with your SO, they'll find someone to replace you. At least, that's how I read that line. That's the part that did me in.

Though, I do admit this seems to be another thread that has gotten a little out of control...

[Black_Halloween]

Why does it matter what the OP says when he's clearly not on the site anymore and won't even see the feedback? Calm down people!