broken up

[Chris516]

the house is his parents house, i was just visiting him

Okay. I am now curious(to a certain extent, but not largely) how his parents' will react to the situation.

[Chris516]

thanks, i know you're right, its just hard to let go coz i love him so much and the angers starting to die down now and im just feeling depressed about it.
the worst thing is seeing him talking to girls etc on fbc, its killing me inside

I sort of felt the way you do, when my (ex)wife left me back in Feb.'1997. But six months later she was begging me not to divorce her, so I relented. But three years after that, I divorced her because, I was tired of her behavior and lies. None of it had changed since the separation. So as time goes, you will begin to feel extremely grateful to him for ending it. You will begin to see his 'true colors'. In 2004(four years after the divor, what I had known for the past 17yrs., she n' her parents' finally admitted to.

[jeenapp]

Okay. I am now curious(to a certain extent, but not largely) how his parents' will react to the situation.

i have no idea how his parents acted to the situation, apparently his mum would be neutral about the whole thing

oh btw forgot to mention that coz we're both in our home town for the summer it was only a 40min drive home

[jeenapp]

I sort of felt the way you do, when my (ex)wife left me back in Feb.'1997. But six months later she was begging me not to divorce her, so I relented. But three years after that, I divorced her because, I was tired of her behavior and lies. None of it had changed since the separation. So as time goes, you will begin to feel extremely grateful to him for ending it. You will begin to see his 'true colors'. In 2004(four years after the divor, what I had known for the past 17yrs., she n' her parents' finally admitted to.

oh right, so your ex wife admitted to the cheating?
i feel like ive kind of seen his 'true colours' and how he can be in the last day but i still love him a lot and want us to be together
i dont know what to do
i went to return any of his stuff i had today and its kind of just hit me how its really over and how much i dont want it to be
he said if theres something i can say to fix it then he might consider it but i dont know what i can say which might change his mind

[loneliestgirl]

Why would YOU need to be the one to fix it? It's his fault and he's the ass! I know you love him but do you really want to have to be the one to constantly apologize and grovel to him when he curses you out or flies into a rage and is mean to you for no reason at all? He should be the one who is trying to make it right. I wouldn't even had returned any of his stuff. It would have gotten tossed or burned.

[jeenapp]

Why would YOU need to be the one to fix it? It's his fault and he's the ass! I know you love him but do you really want to have to be the one to constantly apologize and grovel to him when he curses you out or flies into a rage and is mean to you for no reason at all? He should be the one who is trying to make it right. I wouldn't even had returned any of his stuff. It would have gotten tossed or burned.

it is his fault but i still want to be with him and the only way to do that is for me to fix it coz he said he wont do anything but if i can think of something i can do to fix it then he might be with me
no i dont, but maybe i am in the wrong for what i did by talking to guys and not telling him about it even though the guys were my friends
i still have some of his stuff, but i want to keep it and keep wearing it
i feel so depressed atm

[ThePiedPiper]

it is his fault but i still want to be with him and the only way to do that is for me to fix it coz he said he wont do anything but if i can think of something i can do to fix it then he might be with me
no i dont, but maybe i am in the wrong for what i did by talking to guys and not telling him about it even though the guys were my friends
i still have some of his stuff, but i want to keep it and keep wearing it
i feel so depressed atm

He's controlling and abusive. You deserve better. You won't be able to fix it. You'll bleed out trying but you won't be able to fix it because he's made it clear he doesn't want you. And while it takes one person to break something, it takes two to put it back together again, so not only did he break it, but he won't help you fix it; your efforts are doomed to fail because you can't fix this relationship alone. You aren't in the wrong so don't rationalise and try and make this your fault. Even if it was your fault (and it is not), you wouldn't be able to fix it because he's not willing to put in any effort for you. My opinion is pack his stuff up. You might not be able to get rid of it now but no reason to keep wearing things that are only going to tear the wound open and suggest there's still something to fight for. Try and keep busy by spending time with friends, take some recreation classes, find a hobby, etc.?

[Goyangi]

Insinuating suicide isn't love. I'm sorry you're hurt, but like everyone has said thus far, you will thank yourself down the road when you're with someone who can actually love you.

[jennifer]

No one deserves to be treated the way he treated u... i guess he forgot he loved u and when a person truly loves another person he shudnt behave like a jerk!
i know its a hard time for u but u shud try moving on... coz he didnt deserve u... give urself some time and im sure ull be over him soon.... my sympathies are with u!!! take care dear!

[hans]

I totally agree with everything jennifer said. I know too it can be hard to move on, but believe me, you will, don't wast your time trying to hang on to something that's not right for you. The sooner the better actually. To stay in a kind of "in between mode" is the worst thing. And I would say, don't turn down others (like you said) if they like to go out on a date. This is a great time to start something new, like go buy new clothes (no no to wearing his as you told), get a hair cut, find new hobbies, meet new people and so on. If you move on, this summer can be the best.
Good luck

[LittleBox]

Its definitely not up to you to fix anything. You aren't guilty of cheating on him, its something that he conjured up as a figment of his imagination over years of dislike for this friend of yours. I agree with Piper, it does take two to put things together. If he had any conscious he would realize that he was out of line and would have reached out to you. He's controlling beyond reasonable reason, I'd see this as a blessing in disguise. As hard as it may seem now you'll pick yourself up from it. Keep yourself distracted and you'll find the strength to move on. Good luck (:

[jeenapp]

i want to fix it too and i realise it takes both of us to want to fix it but hes said that theres a part of him that still wants to be with me so maybe theres a chance...
and he keeps asking why i didnt tell him about the couple of times i planned to see this guy friend (but didnt see him in the end)
ive said that i shouldve told him coz we shouldnt have secrets in a relationship but i didnt plan to see that guy to hurt him in any way
i want to give him a reason except i dont have one except that he was a friend of mine that i wanted to see at the time
but he wont take that as a real reason coz he says he wants to know why id see him knowing it might risk our relationship and i dont know what to say
please help, i really want to think of something to say

[Chris516]

i have no idea how his parents acted to the situation, apparently his mum would be neutral about the whole thing

oh btw forgot to mention that coz we're both in our home town for the summer it was only a 40min drive home

40min. drive during the summer. His quibbling is repugnant.

oh right, so your ex wife admitted to the cheating?
i feel like ive kind of seen his 'true colours' and how he can be in the last day but i still love him a lot and want us to be together
i dont know what to do
i went to return any of his stuff i had today and its kind of just hit me how its really over and how much i dont want it to be
he said if theres something i can say to fix it then he might consider it but i dont know what i can say which might change his mind

My (ex)wife and her family, didn't admit to her cheating. They admitted to her not being so 'able-bodied', as they had claimed for nearly twenty years. The connection to my ex-wife, and your SO, is that, they both held something over us. With me it was my health, with you it was just simple communication.

i want to fix it too and i realise it takes both of us to want to fix it but hes said that theres a part of him that still wants to be with me so maybe theres a chance...
and he keeps asking why i didnt tell him about the couple of times i planned to see this guy friend (but didnt see him in the end)
ive said that i shouldve told him coz we shouldnt have secrets in a relationship but i didnt plan to see that guy to hurt him in any way
i want to give him a reason except i dont have one except that he was a friend of mine that i wanted to see at the time
but he wont take that as a real reason coz he says he wants to know why id see him knowing it might risk our relationship and i dont know what to say
please help, i really want to think of something to say

Have a heart-to-heart talk with your SO, about why he feels the way he does about the 'mutual'(I thought the 'friend' was a mutual friend of you n' your SO).

I can also relate partially to your situation. I have an 'online'(she is in Canada, I am in the US) friend that I have known since 2003. Last year she almost died(three-week coma ending in August). During her coma, her boyfriend threatened to keep me from communicating with her. I told him to go jump in a lake. He n' I have never communicated again since she came out of the coma. But he did threaten her with ending the relationship, if she kept communicating with me. Three times she cut off contact with me in consecutive weeks, only to accuse me several days later of not wanting to talk to her. The connection I am making between your situation and mine, is that, if he can't give a purely justified reason why you shouldn't talk to your friend, then he is not worth being with. My friend n' I still keep in contact. Because her boyfriend got off his high-horse and started trusting her. Also, My fiance was at first jealous like your boyfriend, but she turned the corner too. She now has genuine concern about my friend. I don't communicate every single day with my friend, which is fine with me.

[jeenapp]

its not a mutual friend, he was my friend from years before id started this relationship
and my SO has told me that he doesnt like this friend coz of the inappropriate things he used to say to me when he was joking around which i understand is a reason why he shouldnt like my friend
oh right, so sorry to hear she almost died. i understand my SO's reasons for not wanting me to talk to the guy and would give up talking to him to save the relationship, but my SO wants me to give him a reason why i didnt tell him about planning to see the guy in the first place and i dont know what to tell him but i want to give him a reason so that theres a chance we could still be together

[ThePiedPiper]

If you're intent on saving this, then have fun not ever having any friends of the opposite sex. Because it won't stop at this guy no matter how much he tries to justify it.