How can I do more?

[kmarie1293]

Recently my SO's Dad passed away. It was incredibly sudden and heartbreaking not only for me and his family but for a lot of people in their community. It was especially difficult for my SO because he was 2000 miles away when it happened. He rushed home as soon as he could. The morning he found out, he called me at like 6am to tell me he needed me to pick him up from the airport, I literally thought I was having a bad dream when he called me and even now it still kind of feels like the call and the past 2 weeks haven't been real. Since that day I picked my SO up from the airport, he stayed up here until this past Sunday (not exactly the circumstances I wanted to see him on) it did however bring us much closer, closer than I think he or I ever thought to be possible. It also brought me and his family really close, I actually spoke at the funeral and such. And now everything that happened seems like it was so long ago, even to me. But it wasn't long ago at all, this really is going to be a rough year for him and his family and I am kind of really worried about him because for the past 2 weeks that he's been home, he spent the majority of it at my house, avoiding his as much as he could and with him now back 2000 miles away, he can easily just avoid it. Avoid facing it and avoid talking and or thinking about it. And that worries me because once he comes home for good in November (for good for 6-7months, then he leaves again) he really will have to face it because he's not going to be able to hide out at my house anymore because I'll be back at school. I'me really worried about how and when this whole thing is going to hit him, because I don't believe it really has yet. I think he's still somewhat in that denial phase of things which is expected because this isn't something that he will ever just get over, but how can I give him the strength to get through it and face it for what it is?

[Black_Halloween]

There's only one thing you can give him: Time. Time to go through the motions, time to mourn and cry, time alone and time with his family. You can't force him to get over this because quite frankly he never will. The pain of losing a parent, somebody that you love, lasts forever. He just needs to go through the motions and you need to give him time to do that.

[LadyDaemon]

There's only one thing you can give him: Time. Time to go through the motions, time to mourn and cry, time alone and time with his family. You can't force him to get over this because quite frankly he never will. The pain of losing a parent, somebody that you love, lasts forever. He just needs to go through the motions and you need to give him time to do that.

This. Be there for him when he asks for you to be,but also let him just go through it.

[Ejoriah]

I also agree with BH.

I lost my aunt earlier this year. It was absolutely unexpected, she was my youngest aunt, used to go on daily walks to keep fit (pretty good for her age!), was an active member of her community, always kept on top of doctors appointments etc... but she still passed in February, on a Thursday. I remember because my boyfriend flew in on Friday to be with me. I could not fly down for the funeral, because it takes 24h and $2000 for me to get back home. In fact, I went to sleep Thursday night and woke up Friday morning with the news that she had been buried already.

I know it hasn't hit me yet - I haven't been able to be there, see her name on the tombstone. I'm sure your SO knows it hasn't hit him, either. For me, I'm still getting over it. I have dreams of her where I get all confused because I know she's not supposed to be here, and sometimes going through my things I stumble upon a card she sent me with her handwriting, or I'll search for someone on Facebook and her name will pop up. You can only listen to him and give him time to get to terms with it. It takes some people longer than others. I haven't fully come to terms with it yet, but I am much farther along than my mother, for instance.

[temporaryuser]

My so lost his dad a few weeks ago as well. He is in the middle of a 6.5 month masters in nursing program, and with all of the studying and exams, he hasn't had time or the energy to mourn either
The only thing you can do is be therefor him if and when he wants to talk about it. Don't try to force him as he will distance himself from it even more. Keep in touch with his family. After a few weeks all if the outsiders forget and you are left as a family to cope with things on your own. Ssometimes it's just nice to have someone to sit with when you are down and don't want to be alone. And if the father kept all the bills and yard work they may be feeling over their heads with that as well

[Sanja]

My SO suddenly lost his dad four months ago. He is still having a hard time dealing with his dad being gone, and I try to be there for him as much as I can. I let him talk about his dad when he wants to, give him space when he needs it. All you can do is give your SO time, your love and support. Let him know you are there for him.