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How to cope with this reason of breaking up?

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    How to cope with this reason of breaking up?

    Hi! Im preetty new at this site, glad to found it, however could've been a bit sooner.

    We broke up with my girlfriend 1,5 months ago, been together for almost 2 years. Im 23, shes 20, different nationalities in Europe. Long story short, before the break, in the last few months we were fighting pretty recently (I had problems in my life which made me care less about her), made us quite distanced.
    She wasnt happy with our relationship, admittedly not in that much love with me, as she were (she still loved me a lot). She was often stressed about the LDR, broke emotionally, and started being envy of her friends, who are having easy close distance, and also, wanted to have a close/real boyfriend sometimes (we saw each other ~monthly for weekend or so).
    So basically she has broken this time totally, was angry at our long distance situation and didnt feel like wanting to continue like this. We also dont know, when could we close the distance, but not for at least 2 years, so...

    Anyway, the strange part for me comes here:she told me, if we break up, we can live some new experiences, try out life, she thinks there are so many nice people outside, and we are so young, with so many opportunities, so we can decide whats the best after it... Oh, and we are not like 70, so we can easily come back together later... O.o
    I was so woved i didnt really know what to say to this. And she says she thinks that Im her soulmate, we fit like puzzles, just its not what she believes it. O.o But she wouldnt like if Id forget her, and we should stay friends, and when shes ready shed be happy if Id take her back then... (btw Im doing NC since the breakup, told her I cant speak to her as friends)

    All in all, I know that she loved me the most on earth possible once, I know that for real, but I really dont know how to take, how to cope with these things she said to me.
    Its like this to me:Im not happy with you now, so I dont want to be with you, Id like to live the college life, try out guys, and if I cant find better, Id come back to you.
    I know, we couldnt close the LDR for long, so I wouldnt be as a CD boyfriend, but I just feel like this. She is breaking up, so she could compare me with others like on a market and things, which is totally offending for me...

    Am I feeling this right, or am I just pure stupid?

    Sorry for bad typing, I have 1 arm broken.
    Last edited by Peter12; July 9, 2013, 06:26 AM.

    #2
    Many people here will agree with you and say, she's keeping you on hold for the case no one better comes around.
    However, I have seen couples who broke up for similar reasons (mainly the girls actually) and then came together again after half a year or so. Sometimes, when you're very young, you need to go and find yourself. She might come around if you give her the space she needs. I understand that the distance can become too much sometimes as well, no matter how strong the love is. Not everybody is cut out for it.
    I'm not suggesting you sit there and wait but that you both go on to live your lives. There is always the risk one of you will find a new long term partner but then it was destiny anyways, right?
    Ultimately, you have to find your peace with the situation. If you choose to see it that way that she just wants to compare you, you will develop even more resentment in the future and then it's best you cut contact with her once and for all. If you can, however, see it from a different perspective and if you're able to live happily with it, it might be worth a shot.
    I don't know really

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      #3
      I'm going to be quiet direct here:
      For some people, even with a great love, LDR is not an option. However, this does not seems the case. She really seems imature... From what you wrote I do not think she loves you, she seems afraid to be alone so she says "If I end up alone I can always run back to you". She is treating you as some disposable good and that shouldn't be fine for you.

      One thing is admiting LDR is too much to handle, but this does not seems to be simply the case...
      Last edited by Jess!; July 9, 2013, 01:29 PM.

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        #4
        I can see how you would get the impression that her leaving and then seeing if you guys get back together means she's just doing this so she can see if the "grass is greener on the other side" so to speak. But,it is also possible that she feels she's better off breaking up with you because she doesn't hurt you and so you both can go live life for a bit. She also may feel that she needs to find herself a bit,I mean the girl is only 20 after all and it could just be a matter of she's not ready to be serious right now. But that doesn't mean that later down the road she may not feel differently. I know with my fiance after we met in 2010 we dated for just a few months but then things got complicated and he just needed to be on his own so he broke up with me. We stayed friends from then until we decided to get back together in Aug. of last year and I can honestly say it was a good thing,I didn't like it in the beginning and I even tried to get him to come back to me but I realized later it was for the best at that time. It allowed him to deal with his issues and it allowed me to live life and do a little bit of growing up. Here we are now having closed the distance not long ago and coming up on our 1 year anniversary as well as getting married soonish.

        Like other said though,it could just be a matter of her not being able to handle being LD. Not everyone can. It takes people with a lot of patience,trust,strength,work and willingness to spend a lot of days and nights alone to get those few days or a week every few months or a year to spend with your SO. Some people think they can and then when it gets down to it they find out they really can't deal with it. Does it suck? Yep. But it happens unfortunately.

        Either way it goes though,the ultimate thing you're going to have to decide is,can you handle it? Can you wait for her to come around or do you think you need to just cut ties and move on?
        Last edited by LadyDaemon; July 9, 2013, 12:56 PM.

        ♥ In 666 Ways I Love You & My Heaven Is Wherever You Are. I'm For You. ♥

        We Met: June 9,2010
        Back Together: August 1,2012
        First Visit: September 21,2012 - September 29,2012
        Second Visit: January 13,2013 - February 24,2013
        Engaged: January 17,2013
        Closed The Distance-MS - AZ: June 15th,2013
        Moved To FL Together: November 14,2013
        We Got Married! - July 3,2014
        SO Graduated College - August 7,2015
        Moved to Ky - August 10, 2015

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          #5
          Thank you for your inputs, you all helped me a lot, for real, with these new point of views.

          I think I will start to move on and live my life, keep the NC. If she will contact me, Ill be cautious and see what happens, if she wont search me, then it is what it is.

          Thanks again.

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