An Issue of Nationality

[Swederica]

She wants to but I don't want to make her do so much.

Let me just tell you a little story, because I feel my previous relationship can relate pretty heavily with this.

Alright so I, being Swedish, was in a relationship with this american girl from California. We were in a similar predicament of "There's no way we can close the distance any time soon". Of course, being as desperate and inexperienced as I was back then I was ready to do ANYTHING to change that. I looked into becoming an au pair, joining the American army and all kinds of crazy ideas. I finally decided to move to America through studying at a 2-year college. In hindsight, worst mistake of my life, at the time it felt like the best thing in the world. I stayed there for the better part of 1.5 years and it ended with our relationship in shambles. Oh and around 38 000$ in student debt, yeah.

There's two ways for you two here. You could play the long-term game that I refused to do, or you could play the short-term game. If everything would work out more or less optimally the long-term game would mean taking longer to close the distance, but have a much more solid foundation to build a future on. The short-term, essentially what I did just hopefully not with a broken relationship afterwards.

[Ejoriah]

To add on to the above, I also moved to America to be with a boyfriend, and the relationship ended up in a complete mess, I don't even talk to him anymore really. I, too, joined a 2-year community college and I am now at a 4-year university with another year to go.

I wouldn't suggest going to university in another country JUST to be with someone else. It can leave you with debt, bitterness, regret and depression, because being away from everything you've ever know can be HARD. However, in my case, I wanted to get out of my country ASAP and at the time it felt like the timing was perfect. Yes it sucks that my previous relationship - which provided the impetus for me to move - did not work out, but I knew that was a possibility from the get-go and I am not regretting this decision. If you decide to go study in Germany, good for you! But make sure you run through ALL scenarios, including one where you're not with this girl anymore. Will you regret the choice?

[abc123]

OP, does she have dual citizenship now? If she does she will NOT have to choose. Germany most definitely allows dual citizenship and has for at least 10 years...

[Govilku]

I definitely know what your saying Ejoriah, exactly what you said is exactly what has been making me so doubtful. What if she finds someone she likes better? What if she just plains forgets me or doesn't like me anymore? I feel powerless at the moment, out of control of my destiny. I can't move to another country based on trust.