Problems in my long distance relationship..

[Sanja]

Communication is the key in maintaining the LDR. In your case it seems that he's not really trying to do his part. We are all busy with life and things we need to do, but most of us can find time to at least send a brief message and keep in touch. As far as him being sarcastic, it just may be how he is, so its on you to decide if its something you can accept or not. Be honest about how you feel and what you think, and see what he says. You also need to be able to trust that the person you are with won't cheat on you, and you seem to have doubts about that. Wish you the best of luck, but if it isn't what you want it to be, better end it before you get in deeper.

[Markoslav]

At the risk of sounding like an old fart, 17 is WAY too old for you. It may not seem like it but a four year difference when you're that young is huge.

Hello again, this is Thoth. You say that a four year difference is huge at that age? Anyone would agree with that, but it actually depends on the maturity levels. We took some offense to this because we dislike generalization (we're not that mad though, just want to express our opinion). Although, you are right about how it is a large age gap (at that age), it all depends on the individuals in the relationship. As the years go by, the age begins to stratify into normality. My girlfriend and I are in a four year age gap, she is thirteen and I am seventeen, but we are perfect together.

[Tooki]

Hello again, this is Thoth. You say that a four year difference is huge at that age? Anyone would agree with that, but it actually depends on the maturity levels. We took some offense to this because we dislike generalization (we're not that mad though, just want to express our opinion). Although, you are right about how it is a large age gap (at that age), it all depends on the individuals in the relationship. As the years go by, the age begins to stratify into normality. My girlfriend and I are in a four year age gap, she is thirteen and I am seventeen, but we are perfect together.

Your situation and the OP's also come with illegality concerns. B_H is correct, a 4 year age gap during adolescence can strongly impact the relationship. Things will change a lot over time, maybe for the better, maybe for the worse.

If both persons are older than 18, age gaps become irrelevant and it comes down to maturity, as you say. I would just be open to turbulence concerns that may arise emilyeab12.

[Kiyama]

You've only been together for one month. You should be on the moon girl and yet, he is already making you feel miserable. Spare yourself more pain and dump him. He seems like a jerk.

[Swederica]

Umm I'm 13 years old and he is 17. And thank you

There's a 95% risk that he's not serious at all with this. Don't put any further emotional investment into it because honestly, people his age are rarely out to any good. Especially not if that much older, far away and knowing he could get other girls close by that's his age.

Adding all the information together he simply sounds like your average good-looking 17-year old douche. Add age difference with his behavior, lack of communication, steady contact with multiple other girls and there's really no redeeming factor. It also seems you're fairly desperate to just have a boyfriend for whatever reason, something you shouldn't be. The combination is fairly dangerous actually since you'll rationalize bad qualitys and sweep warning signs under the rug constantly.

Let me just put it this way instead. If he was to actually choose you instead of ANY of the other girls in his area who seems to be into him, you must be someone really, really special to him. You must be something extraordinary that he can't imagine to live without. No other reason makes any logical sense. But if you're now so special to him, why would he act that way to you? I mean I'm often sarcastic but I wouldn't be towards someone I really really loved and cared much for. Would he be busy instead of having the ability to talk to you? Wouldn't he, if you meant such an amount to him, make time just to be able to talk a bit to you, as to survive until the next day?

Your story doesn't add up, either some factors are not correct, or you're in a relationship that just won't work because he obviously does not share your feelings. I'm sorry

[emilyeas12]

Our relationship is okay.. I just said a few things that are bothering me.. He is not like that all the time. We started to talk more at nights because i said i miss him and i want to talk to him more. Yesterday he wasn't that busy we talked quite alot and it was amazing he wasnt sarcastic and gave me his full attention i dont really know what changed but I'd like it to stay that way. Anyways thanks for all the responds you helped me alot to realize what i need to do if that happens again.

Good luck with all of your long distance relationships

[Swederica]

Our relationship is okay.. I just said a few things that are bothering me.. He is not like that all the time. We started to talk more at nights because i said i miss him and i want to talk to him more. Yesterday he wasn't that busy we talked quite alot and it was amazing he wasnt sarcastic and gave me his full attention i dont really know what changed but I'd like it to stay that way. Anyways thanks for all the responds you helped me alot to realize what i need to do if that happens again.

Good luck with all of your long distance relationships

Just be very careful that is all. Everything that's been said has been out of care really.

Let's just say that I remain hugely doubtful of this endeavour. Especially considering what every teenage boy wants most in the whole world

[emilyeas12]

Just be very careful that is all. Everything that's been said has been out of care really.

Let's just say that I remain hugely doubtful of this endeavour. Especially considering what every teenage boy wants most in the whole world

are you saying he is just using me or something?

[Black_Halloween]

Let me put it this way: There is a fine line with being sarcastic and just being an asshole. I can be a smartass, blunt, sassy and sarcastic all in one sentence but i'd never make somebody feel stupid like he's doing to you. Its about his maturity level and to be quite honest its about on par with the average 17 year old american male (I date enough of them to know this).

You're either going to have to deal with it or move on. I still stand by my original point that he's way too old for you though.

[conejita_hada]

Please do be careful, as Swederica said. No boy should ever tell you, even jokingly, that he is "f***ing his neighbor". It's disrespectful to you and shows he doesn't take your relationship seriously. Four years is a big age-gap during teenage years, maturity levels aside, 13 and 17 year olds are usually thinking about different things. Right now, he should be thinking about what to do after high school - job or college and those new experiences can have an effect on your relationship.

are you saying he is just using me or something?

He could be. People chat with others on the internet all the time, sometimes it grows into something more, as for so many on this forum. At 17, he could feel that something grew in talking to you and really wants to pursue a relationship. Given the "sarcasm", distraction, and other things, he could just be using you as a source of entertainment. I don't want that to come across as to harsh, I just think you should be careful and guard your heart.

Your boyfriend should not say hurtful comments, even jokingly. It is not okay because it shows he doesn't have the same respect for you as you have for him. Talk to him about what upsets you. The best way to get over arguments is to talk about them. If he doesn't listen to you and stop doing what is bothering you, he isn't worth your time.

[Swederica]

are you saying he is just using me or something?

I'm saying that you could be in the future, not saying it's happening now.

I'm just going to be totally frank. He's 17, apparently desired by other girls and guys in that age desires to do one thing more than any other thing. You're 13. Do you think he'll be waiting for 5 years at the very least before anything would even be remotely possible or legal. Having been in that age myself I can tell you with 99% certainty that there's no way he would wait that long. Let me just leave it at that. THAT is why I'm concerned and why I advice caution

[LadyDaemon]

I'm just going to be blunt here,he's being an ass. He may be 17 but his maturity level is on that of a fricken 15 year old boy,because lets face it,that's exactly what he is still. A little boy. His mind is on one thing and one thing only,girls and the things he can "do" with them. I think your refusal to see that he's not being respectful of you by what he says and his lack of trying signifies to me that you're hanging on because to simply put it,you're 13 years old and you're in love with idea of love. That's it. You want a boyfriend like every typical girl at the age of 13 because it's "cool" and again you just love the idea of being in love. Like others said,because of the age difference I highly doubt this will change. I think you need to dump him and leave him be. He's not good for you. Nothing good 9/10 comes out of a 13 year old being with a 17 year old. Plain and simple.

[Rugger]

Hello again, this is Thoth. You say that a four year difference is huge at that age? Anyone would agree with that, but it actually depends on the maturity levels. We took some offense to this because we dislike generalization (we're not that mad though, just want to express our opinion). Although, you are right about how it is a large age gap (at that age), it all depends on the individuals in the relationship. As the years go by, the age begins to stratify into normality. My girlfriend and I are in a four year age gap, she is thirteen and I am seventeen, but we are perfect together.

It doesn't depend on maturity. It's an actual huge potentially illegal age gap. No matter how "mature" are 13 year old may seem, legally, They're still a child. In the eyes of the law, 13 is always a minor and the 17 year old could be charged as a sex offender.

OP, honestly, your SO doesn't sound very mature. Also as a couple of other people have said four years when you are 13 is a huge age gap. It's also ILLEGAL. You are a minor and you two doing ANYTHING sexual, it could be considered child pornography and land your SO in jail for a long, long time. You need to be careful. Older guys can take advantage of younger girls and often do.

You need to be able to talk to him, if he doesn't want to talk, he's not worth it.

[Chris516]

Hey, me and my ldr boyfriend are in a relationship for almost a month. We love each other alot.. And we both know it. But i have a few problems..


1.First one is, we barely talk. He is very busy with work..i know he has his life and i have mine and we both have important things to do but still.. I miss him so much. And it doesn't seem like he cares.. I talked to him about it before and he agreed and said he is trying the best he can to talk to me and said he will be more responsive and try harder to talk to me and he did but only for two days and then he got very busy again.. I dont know wht do to. I dot want to nag him.. But its impossible.. We barely talk and i dont want to lose him..what can i do?

I came across your thread, in a search about 'communication'. I only quoted your first problem because, in my LDR work schedules are not a problem. So I know that isn't a reason for the bad communication. I said the same thing to my SO about our communication. Like your SO, the 'good communication' seems to come in waves. Like you, I don't want to lose my SO. Last week, we happened to talk two days in a row. It was only 15mins. for both phone conversations, but I liked that they happened at all. Because, Since Nov. 2011 communication has been spotty at best.

I happened to be doodling on my Facebook page and read again, an anniversary note, she left on my page, back in 2010, for our third anniversary. Our sixth anniversary was yesterday, but I didn't hear anything from her.

[Klarka]

Gees who is he? Are you sure you want to be witj someone like that? He can be that ,, funny" with his guy friends but not with his gf. Plus.... i am a flight attendant dont realy have time and mostly i sleep but i always have even some time for my bf...if just little i spendsome money to call him from where ever to just hear him. When person wants is possible.....