We can't be the same in a virtual world

[bilel]

I knew her online since 10 monthes in Internet. It was difficult to meet in the beginning... We took time knowing each others

Whenever I tell her it's not that possible to survive texting, she tells me you are sweet it's just you only become scary in arguments.

She was telling me you are a bad listener when I had only nagative words to read.

This is the 5th argument ! let's call it a WAR

I recently sent her an article on the web explaining how disagreements could turn to ugly arguments in texting.

I know that she read it but will never care about now

I think it's too late !

She became hard to communicate with... I'm patient !

I never consider them as break-up. It's like giving upp something that never started.

I think I have to suggest her to become member here... I'm feeling tired because I'm sure we are different in real life !

[princessmaria]

I think what you're trying to say is that you and your significant other have only relied on text to communicate, and every time you approach this issue and try to develop new means of communication, she becomes angry and it results in an argument.
I do agree that it is a definite issue, and I'm sure you both are WAY different outside of text. You definitely cannot learn all there is about a person only through text. I'm sure you're both different in real life. Does she have Skype? You should try to get her to make one so that you can both video chat. It's free and she really shouldn't be opposed to it at all.

[bilel]

Thank you for your reply

I'm an IT expert, a programmer and I'm in communication.
I speak 5 languages and I had some dutch lessons for her...

So you can't imagine how I can be creative in choosing best ways to communicate.

You can't imagine how it sucks when she tells me "You don't listen!" when I'm reading... it was like beating a dead horse !!!

And she want to stop contacting me cause of that. I emailed her a voice record to explain everything and to invite her to come because it didn't went well after that last ugly argument.

I was the first to convince her to use Skype ! We hadn't many calls... she always text. and now, I can see her connected and can't do anything.

I asked for skype, Whatsap (for pictures and songs)... She don't use her computer only her iPhone !!!

It's like you see the greenlight and can't cross the street. just being sure there is a life on the other side

I sent her this article :
I can't post links here if interested try to Google : life as a human texting arguments

And she thinks always it's about me. And now I'm tired of being criticized and getting defensive for all misunderstandings that could happen again and again !

[Tooki]

Maybe there is a reason that she will only communicate via text. It could explain why she gets angry when you talk about communicating via other mediums.

[kittyo9]

Yeah, can you guys use an instant messenger or skype or something? Communication is a lot easier when you don't have to wait long periods of time between messages and you can see or feel the emotion coming from the other person. It's easy to forget that the other person has feelings or might mean things a certain way when all you get is a text.

My SO and I find that the more face-to-face and immediate our conversations are, the less we argue (ex: we're less likely to get in a fight if we're on skype, as opposed to instant messaging only; when we are together in person, it's even less likely).

ETA: You posted your reply just a little before I did, so now I have more info.

Is there a reason she will only text? That sounds really weird to me. Like, not to give you cause for concern or anything, but I would think that someone who wants to be in a committed relationship would opt for a better method of communication than texting if they are able to.

[bilel]

We both can be busy to make a call and I understand it. I'm not 100% against texting but I can't handle misunderstandings caused of this technology.

Nothing can replace a laughter, a playful tone, a tender voice...

No ! I think it's a kind of punishment she do when arguments happen.

If there are other reasons... it's better she tell me ! not ?

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

You said you have skyped - that makes me less worried about this girl. If she refused to Skype at all, I would be wondering what exactly she was hiding, seeing as you have yet to meet.

I know everyone seems to be pro-video chat, but my SO and I predominantly message. It's a combination of limited Internet, time difference + housemates (not wanting to wake them up being loud at 3am) and that actually, we're just not very video chat/phone people. Having said that, we've had maybe two miscommunications via messaging this year.

If she's not comfortable using video chat, don't push it on her so hard. If she doesn't want to video chat, you can't make her pick up the Skype calls. If you want to make things better more than you want to be right, why don't you work on clearer communication rather than a different method of communication?

I think you need to work out why she doesn't want to video chat. She might just not be a video chat person. And that's just as acceptable and can work just as easily if you're both prepared to have clear and open communication when you're messaging.

[bilel]

It's in my nature. I don't complain a lot and I try to fix it only when misunderstandings happen...

After what happened in the last argument, I'm using only emails and voice-records with her.

It was my fault. I said goodbye when I was sure she will reject any call especially when I was trying to make up... I was tired of being the only to come back.
I blamed her for not appreciating my efforts to keep a nice communication with her and I regret it.

Now, after telling her what I'm saying here in a calm voice and a cool tone, I'm giving her some space to miss me.

In texting we may interrupt, become over-reacting, escalate and move things to the worst way... We all have right of mistakes and I never liked the way I became criticized this way.

And I can't calm her this way.

[Sonny's Nurse.]

Please don't feel this is a bad reply I'm just suggesting a few things. First of all what Virtual world is it you are both in? Second Life? Imvu? INWorldz? I know very little about IMVU But with Second Life and InWorldz you can Voice Chat. Have you both done this?
If yes has she said why she wont meet you? If she refuses to voice The it can be 1 of 2 things they either don't yet have head set and Mic to voice in world or and Im not saying by any means it is but just a maybe. Do you know for sure the other person is Female.
If they refuse point blank to Voice in world to you it could be its a female avatar being playing by a guy. Yes it does happen more then people think it does. I hope this helps you in some way.

also I see you said its only been 10 months you have known her. Give it more time if you need. Iv known Sonny for 6 Years and we have never met yet. Good Luck to you I hope it works out for you both.

[Moon]

Please don't feel this is a bad reply I'm just suggesting a few things. First of all what Virtual world is it you are both in? Second Life? Imvu? INWorldz? I know very little about IMVU But with Second Life and InWorldz you can Voice Chat. Have you both done this?
If yes has she said why she wont meet you? If she refuses to voice The it can be 1 of 2 things they either don't yet have head set and Mic to voice in world or and Im not saying by any means it is but just a maybe. Do you know for sure the other person is Female.
If they refuse point blank to Voice in world to you it could be its a female avatar being playing by a guy. Yes it does happen more then people think it does. I hope this helps you in some way.

also I see you said its only been 10 months you have known her. Give it more time if you need. Iv known Sonny for 6 Years and we have never met yet. Good Luck to you I hope it works out for you both.

The OP has not visited this site again in over a year, I'm pretty sure he won't see your reply.

[Deleted]

The OP has not visited this site again in over a year, I'm pretty sure he won't see your reply.

I was going to say that. I'm not sure where people find these threads...?

[Moon]

I was going to say that. I'm not sure where people find these threads...?

Me, either! We've been getting a ton of old, useless threads dug up lately.

[LadyDaemon]

They probably go far enough back into the forum history and don't see or read the dates and they respond lol