Health Problems in a LDR

[dizzyupthemeg]

In April, I had my second pulmonary emboli (blood clots in the lungs). Since then my life has become this whirlwind of doctor appointments, constant testing, and learning to be a lifelong coumadin user. Coumadin is a finicky drug that requires constant monitoring and really is just a giant pain in the ass. It can be really overwhelming for me at times, but 3 months later I’m pretty sure I have got the majority of it figured out. It helps that this is time #2 for me, and even though it was much much worse this time around, I’m pretty familiar with the treatment.

My SO handles the whole thing wonderfully. He wasn't around for the first PE therefore all of this is new for him. He asks questions after my appointments and is always asking if my INR levels were therapeutic. He’s done a lot of research on his own. He knows that blood clots = bad and that blood clots in your lungs = really bad. We've seen each other twice since April, and I’m pretty sure at this point that I have managed to convince him that I am not dying.

The problem is LDRs are already stressful and adding in a major health concern just makes it that much more stressful. I find myself trying to balance the best way to keep my SO involved without overwhelming him even more, and he finds himself trying to not overwhelm me with the constant questions and constantly making sure I’m feeling okay. I'm already really open with him about the topic. I tell him when I hurt (as I still have some side pain from it), and I tell him when I feel off, but often his mind automatically goes to the worse thing. I have to find a way to reassure him that I'll know if this is PE related and he doesn't have to constantly worry. I think it’s probably just really hard on him since he isn't actually here with me.

I was wondering if anyone else deals with health issues within their LDR and how you handle the stress of both. Also, how you manage to keep your SO involved without overwhelming them with constant medical talk and making them constantly worry.

[Remy]

My girlfriend handles my health issues like a frickin' champ.

I have cerebral palsy and a touch of autism. I'm also prone to panic attacks, general/social anxiety and depression.

We find it's the most stressful when I'm feeling blue and need some comfort or dealing with joint pain that renders me immobile for hours. However, the thought of her being concerned and being there without physically being there does help on the flipside. I just let her know that "Hey, I'm not feeling well today so I apologize if I get cranky."

[Louise_B]

I know i havent been feeling well recently, Feeling faint and then i had a really bad period to the point where i had to go into hospital as i was loosing a lot of blood. I have been put on medication for it. Now when i passed out at the hopsital and my SO found out but couldnt get in touch with me he went crazy texting my parents my brother and my best friend, He was worried sick.

I had to laugh it off and told him i only fainted and that i was fine. Sometimes when you explain to someone who lives distance away from you about a illness or health issue it can always seem or sound worse than what it really is. I suppose to just keep doing what your doing. Reasuring him everythings fine he has nothing to be worried about. Keep him in the loop but maybe if it makes you feel strange talking about the appointments just say to him that Everythings fine. But if its not ill let you know. Then that way you dont need to keep talking about it.

Something totally off subject my brother now and again asks me if everything is ok with us (one of us maybe crazy busy and it seems like somethings wrong) and ive told him Everyting is fine bewteen us. But if its not ill tell you. So unless i bring it up you have nothing to worry about

I hope this helps a little and i hope your feeling ok

[garnet]

My SO has congestive heart failure, he's diabetic, terrible blood pressure, and that is the tip of the iceberg with him. He's in a very bad place. -_-

I try not to question him 24/7 about how he's doing, but I also GET ON HIM to take it slower, be easier on himself, take his meds. He's on disability from work right now, it's just awful that I'm not with him.

I worry myself sick. Sometimes literally. I know how bad it is, I know what can happen, and it's VERY hard to deal with. He doesn't so much talk about it unless I directly ask. He's not as worried as he should be either. It's quite maddening. I want him scared so he takes better care of himself.

I try to find the line between pushing him away, and being as supportive as I can be. I'm having a hell of a time though.

[LadyDaemon]

I have a few minor issues that my fiance sometimes worries about. Like I have Sciatica,GERD and depression. He mainly worries about my Sciatica and depression though. I get a lot of back pain to the point where I almost can't move sometimes and my depression occasionally gets to uncontrollable points where he sometimes doesn't know what to do for me. It happens but I just reassure him that I'm fine but that if I need anything I'll let him know.

[Chris516]

While my SO is not in a good situation weight-wise. I was born with a congenital brain aneurysm and congenital hydrocephalus. As a result of the brain operations I had as a newborn(first brain surgery when I was 8mos.-old) through 2nd Grade(most recent brain surgery was in 1976 when I was 9yrs.-old), I also have epilepsy. I have had to pretty much deal with these my whole life. My SO accepts all that without question. She even tells me to eat n' drink with my meds. My (ex)wife or (ex)fiance never cared anywhere close to that much.

[aniay]

Since April I've been in hospital three times, and it seems I developed some kind of bowel disease that still needs to be fully dagnosed.

My SO is being so very suportive, He's been checking up with me when I was at the hospital, reminding me about my diet and in general tries to deal with my pesimism about my health.

I've been in relationship where any of my health problems was called 'imagined' and 'untrue'
It's so good to be with a person who worries but not over-wories, cares about you and accept you even if you are sick.

[LittleBox]

I've been dealing with a disease for a couple of years now that is very uncertain. There are a lot of what-ifs and no definitive outcome, everything is subjective. Its helped me become stronger as I deal with this but for me the hardest thing is watching how it affects those who care about me. I can definitely understand where you are coming from and I find being open and honest with your SO about everything is the best way to cope. I struggle with this myself because I feel this is my own burden to carry but my guy is amazing and just recently when we were talking about my most recent consultation he assured me that he is strong enough to carry my weight if I need to lean on him and he wants be there to catch me rather than see me give up and fall on my own. I've always known this deep down but the last thing I want is to suffocate him. I just need to realize that he'll worry either way. We're taking things one step at a time and thinking positive to help us get through each day.

Take care and feel free to PM me (:

[dizzyupthemeg]

I try to find the line between pushing him away, and being as supportive as I can be. I'm having a hell of a time though.

I think this is probably exactly how my SO feels, and as commasplice said also, I feel like it's my own burden to carry so it's become this circle for us. I think for me it's a problem of I've never had anyone truly care about it in the past so over the years it's been something I've just kept to myself. I'm also fairly quiet about my health issues to people I see in daily life so opening up and allowing someone to worry isn't easy.

Thanks for the replies everyone! It's nice to know that I'm not the only who who has to deal with the stress of both, and it's really nice to get replies from not only those who have the health problems, but those who have to watch their SO deal with the health problems.

[Chris516]

I think this is probably exactly how my SO feels, and as commasplice said also, I feel like it's my own burden to carry so it's become this circle for us. I think for me it's a problem of I've never had anyone truly care about it in the past so over the years it's been something I've just kept to myself. I'm also fairly quiet about my health issues to people I see in daily life so opening up and allowing someone to worry isn't easy.

For me, it isn't a matter of 'allowing someone to worry'. It is a matter of 'will they run and hide, or stick around when I have health problems and a potential health-related emergency'.

[Sora1101]

About a year and a half ago I was diagnosed with an incurable kidney disease and have already been hospitalized for it twice. This disease usually doesn't become a problem until middle to late 40's so the doctors think I have a very rapid case. It's been really hard on me and my SO has been taking it like a champ.

Actually if it wasn't for him I never would have gone to the hospital the day they found it but I was in so much pain that he called one of my friends and made her take me in. I try not to talk about it with him though, there's nothing he can do about it so I'd rather not worry him needlessly, I would rather deal with this on my own unless I'm too overburdened and then sometimes I just need to let go and he's there to comfort me.