so frusterated!

[machstx]

i had a bad day and i just need my bf to be more atentive, loving, and caring. since we cant be together i need him to satisfy my need for attention on the phone and he cant!
i told him and this and he doesnt know how to do it. im lonely and grumpy and miss him i need to feel the love. ugh i could cry.

[LadyMarchHare]

Everyone has bad days, which leads to frustration on both ends because essentially all you can do is talk and a lot of people require some physical attention such as hugs or back rubs to feel remotely better. I can understand you wanting him to give you more attention, but there's not much he can do beyond spend more time on the phone or via IM with you, which again leads to the aforementioned frustration. The best you can do is know he's at least trying his best from where he is.

[Darth_Taco]

He's probably trying to do all he can. I know it's hard to get comfort over the phone, but imagine how hard it is to give comfort. I don't say this to make you feel bad, but to maybe help you look at the bright side. Lemme give you an examlple:

On Sunday I found out that I'm related to yet another pedophile. Seriously, I think I'll be surrounded by sex offenders the rest of my life because they pop up everywhere in the gene pool. Anyway, it was 3am and I was feeling like shit. I called Enrique to talk. I rarely let people know about my problems, but I was freaking out. He really couldn't do much for me, who can? I woke him up at 3am, I didn't expect much. Know what he did though? He stayed up with me a whole hour and didn't fall asleep once despite really needing to. He stayed with me, listened, and gave his opinion where he could. That was more than enough. I didn't expect him to fix my situation or to even give much help, I just needed someone to bitch to for an hour. I felt better and a little more sane. Still freaking out, but unless I call the cops (not an option since she's sorta holding us hostage with certain information that could land people I love in prison longer than she could ever get) can't do much. Just hope my mom convinces her to not pedo around.

Just remember what he did. He probably tried his hardest to make you feel better. Sometimes when you take time to cool off, it's easier to focus on the good he did. Don't forget, it he were there or he could get there in a few minutes like if you were in a normal situation he'd likely go over to you and give you a big hug and not let go. You know him best, would he? You'll probably feel better tomorrow when things are more clear and calm. If you do, don't forget to let him feel appreciated. He probably needs to know that.

[paulawriteslove]

Doesn't everyone feel like that? I wish I could have more attention some days, but I have to understand that he is busy with work and stuff. You have to understand that he is busy, and sometimes you have to patient (which is hard, I know). You have to understand that he is trying his best!

[JoMarie]

I think its normal to feel like you need more attention that you're being given every once in a while. Maybe you need to tell him what you want him to do. See if that helps at all.

[machstx]

thanks everyone. ive told him what i need and he basically said he doesnt know how to be atenative but he is trying and i know thats all i can ask for.
so for the last 3 days ive wanted to talk and he has went out each night so last night we got into it about this. tonight he says "so i dont THINK im going out tonight" than says "well didnt u want to talk?" well yes i did and not to sound like a typical winning girl but id like him to want to stay home to catch up with me. he just doesnt miss me as much as i miss him thats what it comes down too. so im trying to deal and not be so needy...i just wish he cared that i sit home alone in a town i have no friends in while he goes out.

[LadyMarchHare]

Does he know your circumstances? If he does that's honestly not very thoughtful. I had a 'friend' who knew I didn't do extracurricular activities, have a job, friends, etc where I lived and she went out with people all the time, on vacations without telling me, and was generally thoughtless. I only stayed around because I was severely needy attention-wise (I mean insanely so, I was bad) and when she was around and we weren't arguing I got that fulfilled. Point being, if that sounds kinda like your situation, you don't need to be with the guy. But if it's just him not knowing the full monty of your situation then he needs to know along with your feelings about him having all this fun every night and you're like a bump on a log. I'm not saying you should have the guy give up all his free time for you as, really, it's not fair to either of you but he needs to see that a compromise needs to be made here. You can try to be less emotionally-dependent and he can try to break the monotony of your life just by hanging around and playing games with you or you guys watching a movie together.

[machstx]

LMH we have had that convo before...so we started a movie night once in awhile...and he makes sure he is around more than he used to be. he knows im lonely here but and i work ALOT so during the week is usually fine that he calls b4 he goes out. he loves me there is no doubt but i think he would rather go out with friends..

[LadyMarchHare]

Sounds like he's a bit of a party animal. But really you can't blame him entirely, they're physically there and able to go places whereas you can't. The best you guys can do is be on the phone in public and some people aren't comfortable with that.

[valentinekitty]

I know it's really hard when you need something that they can't give. Feeling like crap and knowing that a hug would really make things feel better, but you can't get one. Or just needing to feel the attentiveness of eye contact that's not available across a telephone line.

Here are some of the things that I find help me when I feel like this - miserable and grumpy and like my spoilt brat just wants to scream and stamp her feet.

- I write an email to my SO telling him 10 things that I love about him, or 20 ways my life is better with him in it, or 15 things I want to do with him when we are next together. This makes me feel better because I'm thinking about the things that I'm grateful for and not the things I don't have yet. Also, make sure you ask him to reply with his version and then you get to read some amazing things from him. My SO always surprises me with things I never knew whenever I do this.

- I ask him to tell me a story - it can be about anything - and if he can't think of anything off the top of his head I give him a theme like: a day at the beach; a memory he has of us that's special to him; something naughty It let's him tell me something nice without having to try to solve my grumpiness.

These just break me out of my spoilt brat mode and let me enjoy what I do have, even if it isn't everything I want it to be at the moment. It helps me to realise just haw amazing it will all be when it all comes together. Also, it lets him off the hook from having to support me from a distance without the tool of touch (so hard if you are a tactile person). If he were here with me I know he would hug me and kiss me and give me his full attention, maybe run me a bath and pour me a glass of wine, give me a massage, or stroke my hair... I could go on forever.

I hope this helps, even just a little bit. I know it's hard, so hard. I jsut try to get through it one moment at a time, knowing that each moment brings a moment closer to being together.

With great love,

Kitty
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