Is there any way to make it easier..?

[Koma]

I've spent the last year planning on being able to close the distance with my partner this August, but that's not going to happen. We're not able to get any help or loans for me to go to school in Holland, and there's no way she could come here. I've just gotten a job, and it fits our hours together well, but it's going to take two more years for me to save tuition money so we can be together... I don't want to spend two more years alone... I know some people here have spent far longer than that apart, but it's tearing me up inside. I spent two hours today crying.. is there any way that anyone has managed to deal with this feeling? I can't imagine anything more painful, and it's caused me to have some thoughts I'd rather not have.. But someone out there must have been able to get through this.. help?

[Moon]

I'm in an international LDR with no end in sight. Not sure if it'll help you, but for me, realizing I'd rather have him 4200 miles away, than not at all, helps a lot. It's hard, really hard, but you just have to take it day by day, and try not to think so much in years. Keep as busy as you can and the time will pass more quickly than you think. Good luck.

[LilyChiba]

I'm in the same boat as Moon, I'm not sure when we will close the distance. Though I am sure it is for a different reason. As of my most recent visit to Philly, I'm really not sure I want to live there in all honesty. I just feel so much more like me, so now I'm giving myself time to get settled back here (finding a new house to live where I can have my cat) and see if I really am better off here. From that point, either he is going to try and come here for 2 months to see if he likes it, which will extend things another year on top to make it 4-5 years apart. Or one of us will simply take the dive, but we'll still be apart for at least another year. It's crazy really, but I think if it was just 2 years, it wouldn't be too bad. But if I had known it was going to take 4-5 years back then, I don't know how strong I would have been. You'll get through it I'm sure ^_^

[abna1]

Same here ! There is (sort of) an end in sight, but I'd have to wear my glasses to see it. I'm looking at another 4 years apart (with visits once or twice a year if we're lucky) I agree with Moon. Better LD than not being together at all. It's hard and some days are harder than others, but if you really want to be with that person you can make it work. It will be so much more special in the end. You can do this !

[MattDavies86]

I count myself a little lucky my SO hasn't got a super job or many commitments, makes it easier to close the distance, but harder on me money wise and how much overtime I have to work, so both ways have the good and bad I guess, but I think moon has a good way of looking at it!

[Chris516]

I've spent the last year planning on being able to close the distance with my partner this August, but that's not going to happen. We're not able to get any help or loans for me to go to school in Holland, and there's no way she could come here. I've just gotten a job, and it fits our hours together well, but it's going to take two more years for me to save tuition money so we can be together... I don't want to spend two more years alone... I know some people here have spent far longer than that apart, but it's tearing me up inside. I spent two hours today crying.. is there any way that anyone has managed to deal with this feeling? I can't imagine anything more painful, and it's caused me to have some thoughts I'd rather not have.. But someone out there must have been able to get through this.. help?

This may sound crazy, but this is how I deal with the distance. There was a show on cable a couple years ago, about some women getting married to men who were 'lifers' in prison. Now of course, there will be no closing the distance there.

The second way I cope with the distance, is to remind myself about those in the military, that are active duty, and have been deployed to a region of unrest. While a tour of duty is only a couple years, they are constantly aware, they could be killed, either in combat, or on a training exercise.

So, I give thanks, that I only have to deal with distance, instead of either of those situations.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I understand where you're coming from. I had the same sort of thing happen to me last year. We were supposed to close the distance, my SO had managed to get into a uni here, but really didnt have the funds to make it, and even though he has dual citizenship with my country, he couldn't get funding to help. It massively massively sucked. He decided that he still wanted to go to uni here, so he'd stay and save for uni. Which also meant no visits for the year.

We talked through our options, and came to a few conclusions, and I think that's where you're at.
1. Stay together LD, save the money, make it work.
2. Take a break, see other people, save the money, pursue a relationship when he got here.
3. Break up.

We chose 1. Although none of the options were what I wanted, I knew I wanted to be together. And once I'd made the decision, I felt better. It helped me realise that although I couldn't have what I wanted, sticking with it was much much closer to what I wanted than breaking up. And it gave me a bit of strength, because it made me feel a bit more like I had control over the things that were happening.

I'm so sorry for what's happening, it's tough and it's disheartening. Time does pass. You will work through this.