Am I a complete moron or what?
Hello.
I haven't posted on here in quite a while. The last time I posted on here, I spoke of someone who was just using me. Her name is Laura and she has a learning disorder, but is otherwise intelligent enough to scam me.
I had a totally bad time of it with her before, but then it occurred again. She again used me and screwed me out of a lot of money. This was a woman I spent years pining for, just to get that done to me. It broke my heart.
As stupid as this sounds, I was so desperate for "answers" that I saw a psychic medium earlier this year. My sister really belives in that sort of stuff. I don't. I'd be more inclined to consider it a load of nonsense. However, the lady I saw was very insightful. But is it possible she did a Google search of my user name? I did email her using a unique e-mail address before we met, so if she wanted to go "eavesdropping" on me, it would have been simple enough to look up my handle. Doing a Google search of a person's surname is unlikely to return satisfactory results, but looking up something unique like Batmanrocks_9765 would (that is just an example name, of course). The medium said I was a kind person, but that people took advantage of this. I guess I'm a mug, well and truly. Why do I need a medium to tell me that I'm easily manipulated? It is obvious enough!
Anyway, what caused my 'ex' and I to fall out was because we agreed to pay half each for a games console. This was on a credit agreement, mind you. I should have learned my lesson when she bullied me to get her an iPod, but of course I'm as dumb as dumb can get. As soon as I took that PS3 out of the Argos store and we took it back to my place, she demanaded to take it home. Actually, for a few weeks before this happened, she had been sort of decent for a change. But that's no excuse for falling for this ruse. Unfortunately, my longing desire to be with her was what kept making me want to willfully satisfy her insatiable hunger for material goods.
Then she come down the following day. I questioned her as to why she did not have the PS3 with her, as she was meant to bring it down so we could play games together. She then made out she had to go home to talk to her mother in private. The day after that, she was staying elsewhere and we were on Facebook talking. She asked me to get her a pizza and meet her at <insert venue> but she once left me along a canal and she wanted me to meet her at pretty much the exact same place as one year previously in March of 2012. Once bitten, twice shy, as that old saying goes. There was no way I was going to be an idiot again. She also refused to give me her mobile number as well. She even had the nerve to say to get her the pizza, go back home, go on Facebook again and she'd co-ordinate me to where she wanted me to meet her. That was really the last straw. So I don't blame myself for feeling that way, especially seeing as how she'd asked me to meet her in her area before and then deliberately disappeared elsewhere, in order to toy with my mind.
Then Laura started being malicious through her emails, yet again. I'd been going to take her to court, but there was a lot of hassle involved in the legal procedures and so I gave up that idea. In the end, Laura was supposed to visit me again, but she never did. My friend Frank said he saw her one day with a man at a bus stop and judging by his description, it's probably her on / off boyfriend, Mathew.
Sometimes, I wonder why I fell for such slime. My mother did forewarn me for years that if I was reunited with her, something like this would happen. And although I was aware of her tricks from 2005, part of me could not let her go, especially after all the hardships I endured to even find her again. Now it's made me desperate for another girlfriend so very badly. Now I'm lonely, horny, depressed and stung, all rolled into one. I've even wasted hundreds of pounds on escorts and they are far from friendly. I'm not even able to get aroused and people have told me to quit doing this, but to no avail. I've even tried going to singles nights. Then I got aggressive to people on meetup.com for no real reason and the founder of the dating group kicked me off the group, and said I needed CBT.
I have PDD-NOS. I'm smelly, obsessive and socially inept. All I've done for years is go on crappy gaming related forums and a lot of forums have had nasty members that have abused me too, as well as banned me and also people have created attack sites about me. One of my major compulsions is that I rub my face a lot and it is dirty. If I do that in public and anyone notices that I do that, people will just mock me over it. I'm not sure how to stop doing it. I also never feel motivated to do anything nowadays and I keep thinking Laura will crawl back to me, and things will sort themselves out. That's clearly the visions of a deluded man.
All I do is most of my days is go online and stay online until it's time to go to bed. Now I just feel lost in the world. The things I used to enjoy are no longer a huge pleasure. I just don't know what to try anymore. My life for many years was just one big crazy loop and now I'm to the point where I'm having to admit defeat. I also feel anxious whenever I venture outside alone. I think I have agoraphobia now and this is tremendously upsetting. Years ago, I felt fine. Now I get adrenaline rushes in public and I feel an urge to 'escape' from others. All the years of online bullying I went through must have a lot to do with it. And of course, this Laura fruitcake never helped matters any. If anything, she's the root cause of my anguish. But what should I do now to get over her?
Peter. <3
I haven't posted on here in quite a while. The last time I posted on here, I spoke of someone who was just using me. Her name is Laura and she has a learning disorder, but is otherwise intelligent enough to scam me.
I had a totally bad time of it with her before, but then it occurred again. She again used me and screwed me out of a lot of money. This was a woman I spent years pining for, just to get that done to me. It broke my heart.
As stupid as this sounds, I was so desperate for "answers" that I saw a psychic medium earlier this year. My sister really belives in that sort of stuff. I don't. I'd be more inclined to consider it a load of nonsense. However, the lady I saw was very insightful. But is it possible she did a Google search of my user name? I did email her using a unique e-mail address before we met, so if she wanted to go "eavesdropping" on me, it would have been simple enough to look up my handle. Doing a Google search of a person's surname is unlikely to return satisfactory results, but looking up something unique like Batmanrocks_9765 would (that is just an example name, of course). The medium said I was a kind person, but that people took advantage of this. I guess I'm a mug, well and truly. Why do I need a medium to tell me that I'm easily manipulated? It is obvious enough!
Anyway, what caused my 'ex' and I to fall out was because we agreed to pay half each for a games console. This was on a credit agreement, mind you. I should have learned my lesson when she bullied me to get her an iPod, but of course I'm as dumb as dumb can get. As soon as I took that PS3 out of the Argos store and we took it back to my place, she demanaded to take it home. Actually, for a few weeks before this happened, she had been sort of decent for a change. But that's no excuse for falling for this ruse. Unfortunately, my longing desire to be with her was what kept making me want to willfully satisfy her insatiable hunger for material goods.
Then she come down the following day. I questioned her as to why she did not have the PS3 with her, as she was meant to bring it down so we could play games together. She then made out she had to go home to talk to her mother in private. The day after that, she was staying elsewhere and we were on Facebook talking. She asked me to get her a pizza and meet her at <insert venue> but she once left me along a canal and she wanted me to meet her at pretty much the exact same place as one year previously in March of 2012. Once bitten, twice shy, as that old saying goes. There was no way I was going to be an idiot again. She also refused to give me her mobile number as well. She even had the nerve to say to get her the pizza, go back home, go on Facebook again and she'd co-ordinate me to where she wanted me to meet her. That was really the last straw. So I don't blame myself for feeling that way, especially seeing as how she'd asked me to meet her in her area before and then deliberately disappeared elsewhere, in order to toy with my mind.
Then Laura started being malicious through her emails, yet again. I'd been going to take her to court, but there was a lot of hassle involved in the legal procedures and so I gave up that idea. In the end, Laura was supposed to visit me again, but she never did. My friend Frank said he saw her one day with a man at a bus stop and judging by his description, it's probably her on / off boyfriend, Mathew.
Sometimes, I wonder why I fell for such slime. My mother did forewarn me for years that if I was reunited with her, something like this would happen. And although I was aware of her tricks from 2005, part of me could not let her go, especially after all the hardships I endured to even find her again. Now it's made me desperate for another girlfriend so very badly. Now I'm lonely, horny, depressed and stung, all rolled into one. I've even wasted hundreds of pounds on escorts and they are far from friendly. I'm not even able to get aroused and people have told me to quit doing this, but to no avail. I've even tried going to singles nights. Then I got aggressive to people on meetup.com for no real reason and the founder of the dating group kicked me off the group, and said I needed CBT.
I have PDD-NOS. I'm smelly, obsessive and socially inept. All I've done for years is go on crappy gaming related forums and a lot of forums have had nasty members that have abused me too, as well as banned me and also people have created attack sites about me. One of my major compulsions is that I rub my face a lot and it is dirty. If I do that in public and anyone notices that I do that, people will just mock me over it. I'm not sure how to stop doing it. I also never feel motivated to do anything nowadays and I keep thinking Laura will crawl back to me, and things will sort themselves out. That's clearly the visions of a deluded man.
All I do is most of my days is go online and stay online until it's time to go to bed. Now I just feel lost in the world. The things I used to enjoy are no longer a huge pleasure. I just don't know what to try anymore. My life for many years was just one big crazy loop and now I'm to the point where I'm having to admit defeat. I also feel anxious whenever I venture outside alone. I think I have agoraphobia now and this is tremendously upsetting. Years ago, I felt fine. Now I get adrenaline rushes in public and I feel an urge to 'escape' from others. All the years of online bullying I went through must have a lot to do with it. And of course, this Laura fruitcake never helped matters any. If anything, she's the root cause of my anguish. But what should I do now to get over her?
Peter. <3
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