I really need some help and advice with this :(

[kmarie1293]

So my SO and I increased our distance apart by a lot (1200 miles) about 4 months ago. And things have been up and down a little bit but for the most part we have stayed strong. The last time I saw him was about 2 weeks ago, he was home for about 2 weeks after his Dad had passed away and things pretty much went back to normal, at least between him and I. But this past week was especially hard and I reach somewhat of a breaking point...See he works on a fish boat and so when he's fishing during the week he doesn't always have cell phone service during the day. Most of the time he will have service at night (the captain will go inland enough to get service when they aren't fishing) but this week fishing was really slow and so they ended up staying almost 20 miles offshore for 3 nights in a row, leaving him with no service. So of course I started to worry a little bit but I figured no service was the reason for him having not contacted me at all so I was okay. I knew that if he didn't contact me Friday night or Saturday then I should be worried (they dock the boat on the weekends). Well he ended up talking to me Thursday (after 3 days of having no service) and he basically assured me he was fine and we talked like usual and then Friday he didn't talk to me all day, and our conversation that night was very normal but ended with him just saying he had to go do something to dock the boat and then he was going to sleep which felt weird because it was like is didn't even phase him that we hadn't really talked hardly at all this week. And then today (Saturday) he was off all day and so was I so I was expecting us to be able to talk a bunch today like we usually do and like we did everyday before he left at all. I texted him when I woke up and then heard nothing all day until he sent me a really long message which I didn't answer and then he called me and we talked for a little and then he said he had to go and then I never heard from him again until I texted him goodnight. He knows I'm upset and he came up with an excuse for why he never called me again (he said he was out to ear with a guy on his boat (it was like 1145pm when I texted him)) well I told him I was upset and then after we got off the phone, he said he would talk to me tomorrow but then I texted him saying that I may not answer because I needed time, on my own terms (not on his terms with me waiting for him to talk to me) because what was going really hurt me. After I texted him he never responded, I'm not quite sure what to think. But am I overreacting? What should I do/say?

[snow_girl]

[princessmaria]

It sounds like he is drifting away from you if this is out of the normal for him. How recently did his father die and were they very close? Maybe he's going through a difficult time right now emotionally and needs some space. You should try asking him if anything is bothering him, get him to open up. People deal with things differently and he could be having a hard time dealing with the death of his father, or work, or really anything. The best thing you can do right now is ask him what's going on and point out why you feel that he or your relationship has changed and see what he has to say. GL.

[snow_girl]

I honestly don't really see an issue.

Well he ended up talking to me Thursday (after 3 days of having no service) and he basically assured me he was fine and we talked like usual and then Friday he didn't talk to me all day, and our conversation that night was very normal but ended with him just saying he had to go do something to dock the boat and then he was going to sleep which felt weird because it was like is didn't even phase him that we hadn't really talked hardly at all this week.
You had a normal conversation, whats the issue? Maybe he was just tired.

And then today (Saturday) he was off all day and so was I so I was expecting us to be able to talk a bunch today like we usually do and like we did everyday before he left at all. I texted him when I woke up and then heard nothing all day until he sent me a really long message (long messages are good!)which I didn't answer (why? playing games isn't cool.) and then he called me and we talked for a little and then he said he had to go and then I never heard from him again until I texted him goodnight.

I seriously don't get it. He sent you a message AND called you but that isn't enough? He has a life outside of your relationship. You can't expect him to be able to talk all day. He he went out with a friend then cut him some slack.

He knows I'm upset and he came up with an excuse for why he never called me again (he said he was out to ear with a guy on his boat (it was like 1145pm when I texted him)) well I told him I was upset and then after we got off the phone, he said he would talk to me tomorrow but then I texted him saying that I may not answer because I needed time, on my own terms (not on his terms with me waiting for him to talk to me) because what was going really hurt me. After I texted him he never responded, I'm not quite sure what to think. But am I overreacting? What should I do/say?

You need time for what?? Again I don't get what you are upset about? He is allowed to have friends and hang out with them. Then why he says he'll talk to you tomorrow you play these childish games about maybe not wanting to talk. What is there to get over? I can't imagine why he wouldn't text back to such a silly message. You need to grow up and learn to pick your battles.

[Zephii]

It sounds like you are playing games. You're not willing to wait to talk to him, to talk when he can, even though he has genuine reasons that he can't talk a fair amount of the time? Honestly? And you're going to dick him around like that when his dad recently died? Uh, no. It doesn't work like that.

How adults handle stuff like this is:
Partner one "Hey, I feel like we have not gotten much time to talk this week and I'd like some time together to reconnect, when can we do that?"
Partner two "<this is when>, thank you for communicating your needs to me in a reasonable adult fashion"

Ok, it doesn't exactly go like that, but you get the idea.

[LadyDaemon]

I agree with the above two ladies. He hasn't done anything wrong. You're being a bit childish.

[Dezface]

Agree with the others. I simply don't see what you're even upset about.

[Black_Halloween]

[Mírie]

Heh, most of you ladies go straight for the killer here, eh? (No one mind me, I just have to verbalise my amusement)

But am I overreacting? What should I do/say?

To put it quite frankly, yes. It was hard reading that without the paragraph and sentence breaks, but from what I could gather it sounds like:

1) out on the boat for 3 nights fishing? He'd be tired. I would've been happy he had called and that's he's alright, and even encouraged him to get some rest (and then ask him to call me later/tomorrow when he's had his sleep and rested).

2) he's needing time for himself, hence the dining with a friend and not being with you on the phone for very long hours.

I don't know your boyfriend so I don't know if he's the openly expressive or keeping it to himself type, but it doesn't just take 2 weeks after a parent's death for things to get back to normal. He may sound like normal, he may not voluntarily tell you he misses his old man badly, but he may be -- and you will have to be patient with him during this time. The entire post revolved about *your* need/concern/struggle, which, in the scope of things, isn't really at all a struggle in comparison to what he must be going through.

You as the girlfriend is supposed to be a source of support and strength and encouragement at these sort of times, not an additional source of stress. Try and switch viewpoints, and maybe it will all be clearer for you.