She moved away and it sounds like she wants a relationship

[therabbit14]

Since New years I was friends with a girl who I really wanted to date. We went back and forth had sex a couple times. I told her off multiple times. It was a pretty eventful year. A couple weeks ago she said she didn't want a relationship and had no feelings so we parted ways. I told her off completely and to never contact me again. Fast forward about 3 weeks to last weekend and she started texting out of the blue. She decided to move away about 1,000 miles and get a job there. I wished her good luck. A couple days later she wanted to see me but I said no and the I miss you texts started coming in. 2 days before she left I gave in and hung out with her she came over had sex next day I helped her with all the little things she needed to fly out thursday etc. All inbetween that she would be texting I love you and emoticons etc. I have been pretty cold by text. I haven't been responding much and I would end the convo early. She wants me to visit when she gets her place next month. Yesterday again she texted me and just started talking about her whole day and what she is doing etc etc and that she's excited for me to come see her. I ended it after a half hour. I have been in a long distance relationship before and I got dumped as soon as I flew out to see the last girl I was with years ago. I don't know what she wants know, all this time I wanted a relationship and she didn't and know all of a sudden she is all over me. I don't know if I should continue with being just short and cold in text messages and when I talk with her or actually taking the initiative and calling her and asking her about her day and trying to see where it can take us.

[digitalfever]

If I've misunderstood please just correct me.

If you want to know what she wants then you need to ask her. I don't know what she wants and no one LFAD will be able to tell you. If she's at a point in her life where she can have open and honest conversations about her feelings and her wants/needs within the context of a relationship then the conversation will be point blank.

Ask her. Take the time to just ask her where she stands and where her head is at. You don't have anything to loose.

[ThePiedPiper]

I agree with digitalfever.

To add on to that, you can't penalise her for a past mistake, either that she has made or especially that someone else has made. Yeah, it's shitty that you were with someone who dumped you after the first visit. That's a hard thing for anyone to go through and I feel like many of us have been through it or at least I can say that I have, but you can't use that as a reason of being cold and uncaring and "ending conversations early" to somebody else. Two wrongs don't make a right. You need to decide whether you're in the position to try another LDR with all the risks it entails (including the one you're shying away from) before you go any further, and if you are, then you need to talk to this girl.

Sometimes it takes a change for someone to realise how much someone else means, and there's a hundred reasons she could have said the things she did. Maybe she wasn't ready for a relationship but since you both had sex, maybe for her it was like a friends with benefits situation. Maybe she didn't want to admit she had feelings for you before she was going to move away. Maybe she legitimately did not have feelings then but has since developed feelings now. What would be so wrong with that? If that's not something you can let go and forgive her for, then you need to stop talking to her entirely, because taking out your anger/resentment on her for not liking you/wanting a relationship on your terms is not fair to her or you.

I would recommend talking to her. You're both going to have to learn to do it if you want a relationship anyway. Maybe before you pay out money to visit her, ask her what she wants. Let her know you're confused and still interested in a relationship, but where does she stand? If she is interested, then maybe it's worth pursuing, but if it's not, then maybe you need to stick to your guns and walk away from her? It sounds like you're eating out of the palm of her hand and it's entirely possible she does not want a relationship. It's possible she does, too, but we won't know until you talk with her. :/ I think the best thing to do in this situation, as opposed to letting an internet forum guess for you, is to flat-out be vulnerable and lay your cards on the table. A scary thing to do, yes, but necessary to get the answers to the questions you're asking.

[therabbit14]

Thanks. I will ask her next time I talk to her. I want to know if she really meant when she said that she only wants to be with me and loves me. I would do the LDR again. It's only 1,000 miles and the flights aren't expensive. I just have to figure out a way to bring up what she said the other night. I feel stupid that I never responded when she said that. I'm probably going to call her later on tonight.

[Chris516]

Since New years I was friends with a girl who I really wanted to date. We went back and forth had sex a couple times. I told her off multiple times. It was a pretty eventful year. A couple weeks ago she said she didn't want a relationship and had no feelings so we parted ways. I told her off completely and to never contact me again. Fast forward about 3 weeks to last weekend and she started texting out of the blue. She decided to move away about 1,000 miles and get a job there. I wished her good luck. A couple days later she wanted to see me but I said no and the I miss you texts started coming in. 2 days before she left I gave in and hung out with her she came over had sex next day I helped her with all the little things she needed to fly out thursday etc. All inbetween that she would be texting I love you and emoticons etc. I have been pretty cold by text. I haven't been responding much and I would end the convo early. She wants me to visit when she gets her place next month. Yesterday again she texted me and just started talking about her whole day and what she is doing etc etc and that she's excited for me to come see her. I ended it after a half hour. I have been in a long distance relationship before and I got dumped as soon as I flew out to see the last girl I was with years ago. I don't know what she wants know, all this time I wanted a relationship and she didn't and know all of a sudden she is all over me. I don't know if I should continue with being just short and cold in text messages and when I talk with her or actually taking the initiative and calling her and asking her about her day and trying to see where it can take us.

Instead of being short with her. Hold her accountable by 'taking the bull by the horns'. What I mean by that is, since she didn't want you when you pursued her, now that it is you being pursued 'lay down the law' by saying that if she still wants a relationship, there will be things that you need in return. That still entertains the possibility of a relationship. But not one that is a constant emotional revolving door. Not in the sense of being 'controlling', but in the sense of an equal relationship.

[therabbit14]

How often should I text her or how much time in between? Like would daily seem like it's too much?