Jealousy

[AsianRawr!]

AsianRawr! here again lol after oh so long of ignoring this heaven of a place to actually come for some advice or insight on a few things. Anyway, my ldr gf and I have been together for almost a year now (December 27 btw ) but when we first started off in February I cheated on her and she cheated on me. :S but now, I keep thinking about how she did that to me and I brought it up a few days ago and she told me that it was a crush and that her best friend was telling her that she'll find the consequences on doing something like that. Anyway, it lasted for idk a few days before I found out about it then I confronted her about it. She refused to answer me or even pick up the phone. But if you have forgotten, this was wayyy back in February and it's now August but I have this stupid and idiotic though that she would cheat on me again and I've been paranoid ever since that incident in February. can anyone help on what I should do? I know it's jealousy and doubt on her but I don't know how to fix it or just get rid of it. It's just been in the back of my mind ever since that happened. I even told her that too but it's still there. Help me, please?

[LadyMarchHare]

Well, this may not be the best thing to point out, but you mentioned cheating on her as well. I don't know if you cheated before she did or what, but regardless you can't exactly play it off and then be obsessed with her doing it again.

If she has not given you reason to believe she would or is cheating on you again, then you simply have to trust her. Bringing it up with her might have her pointing out you weren't exactly Mr. Faithful several months ago either and that will, I believe, spark an argument. All relationships rely on trust and communication. If you can't trust the person you're with when they're not giving you reason for the distrust, then you really don't need to be with them. Basically all I can say to the subject is don't give her a reason to even entertain the thought. If it's honestly bothering you that much, try bringing it up and saying how much you regret your own mistake and that you want to do something to swear you won't do it again and see if she's willing to do it as well and you guys can either make some pact or buy bracelets or something to wear as a physical representation of the promise. Otherwise it's just a matter of, like I said, trusting them.

[annamorgan]

I can see being paranoid and having trust issues after that, but seeing as you did the same thing, she's probably feeling the same way. You both have (I should hope) learned your lesson and won't do it again. You should talk to her about all this.

[Rhiavaan]

Both ladies have perfect advice. Talk to her, lay out how it makes you feel, keeping in mind, she probably does feel exactly the same way. You'll never know until you open your mouth and find out my dear.

[NaNi]

I agree with the others. You cheated on her too, so she could have the exact same fears.

[MTK]

Yeah, i think she might feel the same way as you both cheated on each other so talk it out because there is no way you can point fingers at her and the other way around as you both have done the same thing.

[AsianRawr!]

Well, I can see where everyone is getting this from but we have talked about it before and not much has changed since we did talk about it. All I'm just wondering is about how to get over the paranoia thing, I have talked to her about it also. She can read me like a book when something is worrying me, so I just tell her everything anyway. I just want to get over the paranoid part of this stupid thing so I can stop bugging her about it.

[MTK]

I don't really know what kind of advice i should give you. Have you tried asking her how she deals with it? I mean, she knows what it is about.

[paulawriteslove]

I don't know this from experience, but the reason a person feels paranoia from cheating is because they're cheated first. As you've mentioned above, you have cheated and so has she. That probably caused a trust issue to form and you haven't noticed it until recently. I don't know what kind of advice to give because I've never cheated on anyone. Maybe, talk to her and make a promise that you will never cheat again?

[Rhiavaan]

It sometimes takes years to get over the paranoia. I know in my previous relationships, I never did. Never trusted them either but that is just me. You have to work on getting the trust back first then the paranoia should fade.