Paying for his half of the ticket...

[AppleDog22]

My SO and I have been apart about a year and we are so anxious to see each other. Of course we talk about it and make plans all the time, but mostly it's a waiting game. I came back from overseas and it took about 5 months to find a job. He's in London trying to make it playing music and has been waiting for a break--or at least a bunch of little breaks--for a year with very little luck.

I've managed to save up the money and now I'm just working on the time off thing. Time off isn't an issue for his work, but his money situation isn't moving forward AT ALL. We agreed to split the cost of a ticket and I'm really set on that plan because I just feel it will demonstrate his commitment, especially because paying for his part will probably require him to make some tough decisions about his work and life direction.

I know his situation and the possibility of his moving home and feeling like a failure are incredibly frustrating for him, so I try not to be too pushy about him getting his half of the money together. But I am a frugal planner! A combo that seems impossible in LDRs! Once I get enough time off (December/January) I want to be ready to jet off or have him come here, which means having a ticket booked like TODAY... But until he makes some decisions to improve his financial situation, the date will get pushed back and back.

I've broached how I feel about the subject a couple times, but I don't want to add any stress. Are my expectations too pushy or stubborn or selfish? It just makes me so angry sometimes that he won't find some random part-time work to help things along. Should I keep push a little more? Should we just book the ticket one way or another? Would that at least give us an end point to move toward? What are your thoughts?

[lifeatitsbest]

you're not being pushy at all... these are basic things you should be expecting of your SO. it sounds like he needs to get his act together if he wants to keep you!

[Brieasaurus]

For about a year in our relationship, my SO was flat out broke. He wasn't really motivated to do anything with his life after his dream of being in the NHL ended due to an injury and it really impacted our relationship, much like yours. A lot of people told me to end it and cut my losses since he wasn't going to be able to come and visit but I didn't give up on him. I did push, reminding him that he needed to help himself which would help us and eventually he stopped "dreaming" and got a job and came back into reality haha.

Any problems caused by money suck. Like you know, he's probably stressed out already. Have you suggested maybe putting aside $5 or $10 a week for him to save? In my case, I ended up biting the bullet and paying for my SO's trip here and he paid for the next. Try sitting him and down and just be like "you know, times are stressful but we really need to figure this out before we spend more money than we need to." and so on. Hope things work out.