Almost Falling Into Despair

[bexadair]

It is so frustrating not knowing when I'll see my love again. He has offered to move here to the Seattle area but he doesn't know when that will be. He has been looking and applying for jobs like crazy but we have no leads. Since he hasn't gotten any job offers and his lease expires this month, he's thinking about renewing his lease another 6 months. If he does, this is really going to hurt me. I can't say anything because he's the one making the sacrifice of moving here (whenever that will be.) I know this has to be on his time, not on mine. I want to tell him that I want/need him here as soon as possible, but that is extremely selfish of me. I don't know what to do. I am so upset over this whole thing. Mostly because I have no control over the situation--everything is up in the air. I want him here with me, why can't it be easier!?! Ugh!

This is really putting strain on our relationship to the point where I don't want to communicate with him. I try to make myself more distant than we already are. I'm not sure why I do this. Communication is key in long distance relationships and I try to cut it off when I'm frustrated.

Does anyone have any advice or is anyone going through the same thing as me? How do you overcome this?

Pax,
Bex

[tjkex]

I know exactly what you mean. My boyfriend will be here in a couple weeks, and after that I have no idea when I'll see him next. Especially since I'm joining the Army and he can't take anymore days off work until 2014. We're both really attached to our careers and although both of us are willing to move, it'll be a huge sacrifice to either one of us.

As of right now I'm trying to not even think about it; I can't think about it or I get depressed and I try to distance myself from him. I don't know why I try to distance myself from though though. I suppose it's because I get ornery and I don't want to take it out on him, or to have him see me distressed and what not. Have you mentioned to him instead of renewing his lease and looking for a job there, why doesn't he move there and look for a job once his lease runs out? Ask him to save up until his lease runs out and move, or have you send him money to move up there? It was quite the pickle you're in, but it shouldn't be as difficult as you're making it out to seem if he's willing to move to Seattle with you. Perhaps I don't know all the facts.

Also, I would try to converse with him and let him know how you're feeling about the situation and how stressed out you are with not being with him. LDR's are hard and they really suck ass, but it's always worth it in the long run if you and your SO want to close the distance!

[AuroraBorealis]

I know that feeling. My SO is planning to move here, he's working now while saving money and applying for a EU passport which hopefully he can get. *fingers crossed* But it is so frustrating because we still don't know when he will be able to come! And the not knowing is driving me crazy! At first we said April (last April that is) and then July, now he's saying at the very earliest October. I really do understand how you are feeling. It is difficult to not feel hurt, I sometimes feel like he is forever just putting it off. And to make it worse he doesn't think it's a good idea that I come down to see him in the meantime because of some reasons regarding his family! Which I otherwise would have done straight away. But however tempted I am to tell him to get over here as soon as is possible it is really mostly up to him. He is the one moving and yes it is a big thing to do. I would second what tjkex said about trying to let him know how you are feeling, and trying to do so without sounding like you are criticizing him. Just explaining how much it would mean to you and how important it is. I personally don't think trying to distance yourself from him is the best solution, but I do know that we all react in different ways to difficult situations. So that's just my point of view.

I aagree, it is not easy. Just waiting and not knowing. But yes, I really do believe it is worth it in the end!

[bexadair]

Thank you tjkex and Aurora for your advice. I did talk with him last night and expressed my feelings. I realize with long distance relationships how much communication means. We really have to be transparent with each other and need to be very expressive. I think what gets me is thinking that it'll take him six months (that is to say he decides to renew his lease) to move here. I'd rather him say he'll take it day-by-day depending on when he gets a job. I like this "day-to-day" motto rather thinking it could take months/years. Though it seems like the ideal time for him to move here, it needs to be on his time...not mine. I know it is going to be hard for me, but I feel that it may take forever because it seems like he's making excuses or maybe that is just how I am perceiving it. I know he loves me dearly and we both believe we're meant for each other, but my theory is, if he really feels that way, why isn't he just hopping on a plane to be with me?!?! I guess it's more complicated than that, and I just need to be patient. Ugh, that's the hard part. God, grant me the patience!

[phoenix-]

-Hug.- I know exactly how you feel. I did the whole applying to a different state thing and it was so frustrating to not hear back from employers. What finally turned it around for me was using my bf's address and stating in my cover letter that:

-I'm relocating in a month.
-Therefore I was researching different companies; and
- I found an article/whatever about -insert company here- which really piqued my interest.

I also tried contacting recruiters directly.

I don't know if he's already tried these strategies but they eventually got me a job so I hope they work for him too. Good luck!