I broke down last night

[Ejoriah]

Sorry if this is a little bit ranty. The point of this thread is asking for advice/experiences on how to not ruin the rest of a visit by anticipating the end of it.

I've been blessed that the longest time between visits has only been one month, and that I got the opportunity to live with my boyfriend for the summer. It could only happen as the stars align for me to be able to take online courses (else I would need to be on campus in my state) and him getting an apartment on his own. This summer has been absolutely marvelous. Waking up next to each other, going grocery shopping together, planning and fixing meals, day trips to the city, and we're even starting to become known around the place I go horseback riding at. We adopted a cat recently from the barn and now we're known as "the couple who adopted Domino" over there, as well as "the couple where she rides and he just stays at the barn helping and playing with the dogs." We have occasional lunches with his family and I met his grandmother, and there is great mutual affection there now. Everything just fits. We giggle together a lot, he really IS my best friend. I may have mentioned intimacy issues recently but it turns out it was mostly a miscommunication - I think he doesn't want me and I get sad, he sees I'm sad and wants to cuddle me better instead of doing anymore more, I feel like he just wants to cuddle and that makes me a little frustrated, etc. We're so good at talking things out.

Last night I just... lost it. He asked "did you have a happy summer?" and it all came crashing down that this idyllic situation is coming to an end THIS MONTH. Last weekend we went up to Kansas (where I live) to move my stuff from my old apartment into my new one. My classes start August 26. That weekend we will be driving up again with the rest of my stuff, except this time he will be driving back down alone. I just lost it and cried and cried. I couldn't stop sobbing. I know we still have some time, and I should be thrilled. But I'm dreading the goodbye so much, the separation. It's my final year and my classes will be a lot harder than they've been so far. Last semester my schedule allowed me to have four-day weekends every weekend (I only had classes Tuesday and Thursday) but this semester it's not the case. I also have a job now so I am less flexible. He has a full time job so is not flexible at all.

He held me last night as I cried on his chest. I said I was trying very hard not to beg him to let me stay with him and not have to go back. We both know I have to go back... I won't make things harder by begging. But that's what I feel like doing. He said he didn't believe I would beg because I am "too awesome for that." It made me laugh. I tried to put everything behind me and focus on being with him, the moment at hand, but I am feeling so sad today. It doesn't help that it's all grey and gloomy outside and even the cat would rather play with her new toys than cuddle with me (although she's a kitten full of energy so I can't blame her, lol). I'm trying to be strong and back to my happy self for him when he gets off work, but I just can't help but think of how it's going to hurt when we go back to the distance.

[princessmaria]

I know exactly how that feels. I felt like begging too. All of these crazy thoughts kept popping into my head on how to devise a plan to stay, even while I was at my gate. I contemplated asking the service desk if I could reschedule my flight for another time. I also thought of just walking right out of the airport because my body literally hurt knowing that my SO was still in the same city as me, and that I would be boarding a plane getting further and further away. Just like you and your SO, my SO and I did pretty much everything together and we're the best of friends. It sucks a whole lot. Sometimes I still wonder how in the world did I even get on that plane?! I swear, that whole time I couldn't even feel my legs so I have no idea how I put one in front of the other, but there was one thing my SO said that kept repeating in my head. He told me after I had a little bit of a panic attack as we were leaving out from his door (it hit me then that I was truly leaving) "This is for your future, this is for our future". Like you, I had to go back home because of school so this is true. In retrospect, although we are back to being a thousand miles apart, us working and being in school will ultimately secure a future for us and we will be able to CD. We are not far apart, we're constantly bringing ourselves closer together by focusing on school and work. Keep that in mind, because I also went through a very tantrumy stage of wanting to quit school altogether! Stay strong, it's the best thing you can do for your SO and your relationship.

[floridaellen]

I'm in a similar situation. I live with my SO during the summers as well. But on August 25 I fly back down to school 1000 miles away. During my first fall semester (fall 2011) I was able to see him in October but our financial situation has changed and its just not feasible. I won't see him until Thanksgiving. He will be going to school in our hometown part time and working a full time job and a part time job. I will be down at school taking classes full time and working part time. It will be my last year as well so my classes will be difficult.

We just have to keep our eyes on the prize. I don't know about your closing-the-distance plans but in May 2014 I graduate and drive back to live with him. And then on May 17 we are getting married! I just keep trying to remind myself that this last year is important for our future and that it is really not that long!

My SO is just in denial. He is refusing to talk or think about me leaving. It's easier for him that way.

So I don't really have any advice :/ just commiserating!

[kittyo9]

My only visit was a little more than 3 weeks and I think the first day I cried about having to leave was only 5 days in. Most of the time I just tried to focus on living in the moment, since that's all we really had. The last full day we had together, though, I just cried all day. It happens. There's nothing else I could do about it. I can't stay because it's a foreign country and I had to go back to school.

It's okay to feel this way. Just do the best you can to enjoy the time you have.

[Ejoriah]

It does make me feel better to know I'm not the only one who does this. I'm feeling better now, when he came home last night we went out for some errands then after dinner snuggled up in bed and watched a movie. I wasn't feeling too good (a bit of a fever) so he just held me and made sure I was comfortable. I'm going to miss this so much.