Question burning on my mind...

[akerah]

Hey y'all!
Name's Ashley. I just recently got into a LDR last month...but I have a bit of a problem. He says that I am not challenging him enough. I am a bit passive I do admit that. But how can I challenge him more? He says he would like for me to go against him sometimes or ask "what would you do to change/fix/make it" to whatever his goal is...Do y'all have any tips to help me become more challenging for him? I also have a bit of trouble expressing my emotions...if that is any help with your answer.

Thank you so much!!

[ushiwakafox]

Hm, that in itself is a bit of a challenge isn't it.

I don't think I understand what he means by challenging him more. Like does he want you to debate with him more? There's nothing wrong with debating, it can be fun and you can learn a lot about each other that way. If that's what he means, then just ask his opinion on different stuff, maybe google different topics.

[kattermole]

If being passive is part of your personality, then maybe it's a bit unfair for him to expect you to challenge him? Why does he need you to challenge him about things to make his goals happen, he should really be challenging himself. As for going against him sometimes, I imagine that will happen in time if you're truly not happy with something he says or chooses, but as I've realised with my SO, who is quite passive, he's generally happy with most things I suggest and will only challenge me on them if he's not happy, not just for the sake of it. Whereas I'm an argumentative bossyboots and am forever challenging things But we're just different personalities and that's ok, we accept that about each other. Although yes, occasionally we have disagreements because of it

[ushiwakafox]

If being passive is part of your personality, then maybe it's a bit unfair for him to expect you to challenge him? Why does he need you to challenge him about things to make his goals happen, he should really be challenging himself. As for going against him sometimes, I imagine that will happen in time if you're truly not happy with something he says or chooses, but as I've realised with my SO, who is quite passive, he's generally happy with most things I suggest and will only challenge me on them if he's not happy, not just for the sake of it. Whereas I'm an argumentative bossyboots and am forever challenging things But we're just different personalities and that's ok, we accept that about each other. Although yes, occasionally we have disagreements because of it

Yea I agree with this. And really my SO tends to be pretty passive too, while I like to have an amount of "action", always wanting to be engaged in conversation. Over the years I've learned to accept the fact that he's content with pretty much anything and I've learned to not take him being passive personally and just be happy that he's happy. He's also learned to be a more active listener instead of a passive listener and engage in conversation more. It's been a learning process for both of us, but in the beginning we had to accept each other for our differences and learn to deal with them.

[Zephii]

I think this is a really positive thing. What good is a relationship if it doesn't help you grow as a person?

I guess I would start by asking his opinion on world events. Choose controversial topics and ask his opinion - then ask why he has that opinion. If he states anything as a fact ask to see his sources. Really engage his mind in some intelligent discussion. (You may have to do your own research first so you know what you're talking about, but there's nothing wrong with that.)
Some issues you can look into:
* Equal rights (gays, women, races)
* Euthanasia
* Abortion
* Home birth
* Separation of religion and state

Or my husband's favourite to challenge me: Quantum physics.

You could challenge each other with some friendly competition too.

Like, first to get a six pack gets free plane tickets to visit the other