telling our parents

[cowon]

Hi everybody, my girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years and 3 months now. My girlfriend is coming to visit me next year and I'm starting to worry about what my parents will think about us. We both havent told our parents about any of this for the couple past 2 years and 3 months, we're both too afraid. We both have plans for the future but fulfilling them will be hard without my parents approval. I've read other threads like this, but every story is unique so I just have to post our story too.
It started online in a game, we were friends when we were 14 and 2 years later after being friends and talking a lot we liked and loved each other. Now 2 years later I cant even imagine a day not talking to her. So bottom line: we love each other a lot. And first problem: we met online in a game and my brothers know her, but they dont know I'm "dating" her.
Second huge problem: I'm middle eastern and muslim, which isn't a problem, but the problem is that my parents are. Not open minded at all and very strict. We live in Europe, same goes for my girlfriend, she lives 1257km away.
My brother also met a girl online who was from eastern europe (like my girlfriend) and my parents didnt approve their online relationship. They made him break up, but I think he's still with her. But the problem is, my family all said she was using him for money, she's eastern European, she's a slut and this and that while they dont know her.
I haven't told my parents about her because of this, I'm afraid they'll react the same. My girlfriend and I have been talking and trying to think of something to avoid them acting like that next year when she visits. That is already a big plus: she's gonna visit me and I'm gonna introduce her to my parents. But we both have no idea at all what to say to my close minded parents.
This is where I need help of ldr specialists. Because I really need my parents (especially mom) to like her.
I'm 19 and she's 18 and we're not planning to move in with each other until we both finish our school.
I hope you guys can help me out with this.

[Karoshi]

Oh god, it looks like very hard situation :/ The only thing I can tell you is - if your parents trully love you (and I'm sure they do!), they will understand how important is she for you. I'm sorry that I can't give you some other advice Many hugs!

[libelle]

As far as I know, any parent would react bad when they heard their son/daughter met someone online and "oh they are inlove". Of course they will be concerned, of course they will be against it at first, there is no way to avoid it. In your case, I am guessing, too .. Of course you need to talk to them about it at SOME point, preferably not right when she comes in through their door to meet them So collect some courage, the sooner you tell them, the more time they will have to adjust to the news. Show them you are serious, tell them you have been together for 2 years, which for not having met is long! Sorry, can't stay objective on this, the personal pride - why do they insist all eastern European girls are sluts? Not saying that there aren't any, of course there are - but so are there where you live, and on any other place on the planet. And same counts for the other type of girls too (: An argument against that you might use is that you aren't stupid and you have enough brain, pride and honour to choose a girl that will behave the way that she should. Apart from that, you can ask them to meet her and pretend she is of any other culture or land - and then without any prejudice, after talking to her, seeing her in person, build an opinion about her. And be persistent!! My mother forbid me to talk to my boyfriend as well, when she understood about us. First I told her I would, in order for her to calm down, but of course I didn't. And slowly she became used to the idea, my father not so much, but when they met him, they loved him!
I hope it goes the same way for you. Good luck, you aren't alone on that!

[cowon]

Thanks for the replies. I really won't tell them before she's here. When she is here I'll just say she's a friend and she wants me to show her some of the Netherlands. I can't think of anything else. Maybe after a week of hanging out with her I'm gonna say I kinda like her and stuff. But I think my parents will know she's not just a friend. Any thoughts on convincing them? Or any better ideas?

[snow]

Well from my experience I can only tell you to tell them the sooner the better.

When I first told my parents I was dating someone ONLINE who was AMERICAN they told me he was a pimp, he was going to use me, rape and murder me if I visit him, it can't be a real relationship, I don't know what I am talking about, I can't possibly know him, I am stupid, I am delusional, I have to break up with him, bla bla bla

It took me many months of talking to them and making them see he is a real person and he cares about me a lot to convince them that .. hey maybe not all americans are stupid mean people!

So I think even though you're scared you might have to fight for this relationship to be acknowledged like I had to. Make them see that she is in fact a real person, tell them stories about her, tell them something that shows that she's good for you and cares for you. Also I think meeting her in person so they can see that she is real and maybe not what they imagined might help.

Good luck!

[delightful]

I went through a similar situation as yourself, although my parents were probably a little to lax about the whole deal... not sure if that's a good thing or not! In the end though, when your SO comes over, if it all works out how you're both hoping for it to, and you get along as well (or better than) as you do online, then it doesn't really matter whether they approve in the end or not, does it? If you love someone, you love someone; regardless of when/where you met them, it's not really something that you get to make a decision over. I hope for your sake that your family can be supportive about it all, and see how happy your SO makes you - maybe introduce them over Skype or online somehow before they come over? Might be less of a shock to your family that way, and they might be more supportive about the whole ordeal. Some people can understand the situation, whether they've been through it themselves or not, and other people just tend to be ignorant from the get go. Best of luck with it all! Stay positive

[teachernicole]

From my experience, they're just trying to protect you! They know the internet is a weird place and they don't want anything bad to happen to you. That being said, I think parents get blinded by that and assume everyone is a terrible person. You need to introduce them and I'm sure they'll be fine once they see it's the real deal.