SO doesn't like cuddling :/

[kacie]

I would ask him what about it he doesn't like, and see if there is something he would be willing to do. I feeling awkward cuddling, but am happy to use my SO as a pillow when lying on the sofa!

[marbear31]

It's worrying that your SO is so dismissive of your needs like that. But it's possible it's just his defensive reaction to feeling guilty for not feeling it the way you do. It's not easy explaining to your SO that you love them just as much even if you don't like cuddling. Especially when they're frustrated about it. I've been in both positions (when it comes to sex the tables are turned for us) so I can identify with both sides.

I think you could try to talk to him about it without making it about you. I mean, without focusing on what you need or want. This should help alleviate pressure and guilt he feels for not being the way you expect him to be. Just be curious enough to find out more about him and his needs for affection. The more you understand him, the easier it'll be to deal with your own expectations, and the process might help him open more to it.

Good luck xx

Exactly what Malaga said.

I just wanted to add that at the very beginning of our relationship, my SO wasn't as affectionate as I was either. Don't get me wrong, we were all over each other those first few weeks, but our first (and one of our only ones) was about the intensity of the affection I wanted at that time. Before he met me, he'd been really fucked over by an ex emotionally, and it just took a little bit of time for him to get used to the idea that I wasn't going to be hot and cold. I'm an extremely affectionate person, and since he was (is) my first bf, I was so incredibly proud to have him as my own! Anyways, the point is that we just had to do a little bit of mucking around before we found the right balance, and, turns out, he's the most affectionate man I've ever met. We're in sync whenever we're with each other (which I get to be with him in nine days!!! Ahhhh!!!! ), and the more you grow to love each other, the more affectionate (in my experience) you are.

I think Malaga had the perfect approach. Just simply ask him what his preferences are for cuddling, kissing, etc., and go slowly. Be willing to compromise on the whole sleeping thing as well--that one really isn't personal. People just cuddle and sleep in different ways, and no one is fun during the day if they're tired and cranky from feeling pushed to cuddle all night. (My SO is the same way--he'll cuddle me before bed, and kiss me during the night if he wakes up to go to the bathroom or something, but he sleeps much better in his own position, and I sleep well in mine, too. I'd love to fall asleep cuddling each other, but I also know I move around a lot and my body is like a furnace, so that's something I compromise on. He makes up for it in twice the amount of cuddling during the day, too. )

Good luck! Sorry to hijack your thread with my stories haha.

[Goyangi]

Oh wow, if my SO refused to give me any physical affection... I don't know, I don't like to have many "deal breakers" but physical affection is one of my relationship needs!
Hopefully you two can come to a happy compromise.

[Markoslav]

I see that is it simply just a personality trait which he beholds. From what I have learned from psychology, it is possible that he is missing passionate love (search "Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love"). This is the only information that I can think of though, but I'm just adding anything. I'm 90% sure it is just a personality trait though, or a reactive personality trait (acquired due to an event in one's life).

[Karoshi]

Hello, little update from OP
We talked about this issue a bit and I tried to explain how I need to feel his physical presence etc., and the thing is that he's trying He now occasionaly kisses me, when we are going to bed he lay closer to me so I can put my arm around me or put his leg over mine etc. I think that we can work on some compromise here Thanks a lot for your replies!

[kiara_silver]

Glad he's trying. I think contact affectionately is important in a relationship, you need those moments and connections. Some arn't as into cuddling and such but there should be some. Ex my SO isn't as into sleeping cuddled as I am because he gets hot, but he still trys for me and he pulls me into a cuddle and lays till im sleepy or sleeping then rolls away, or in the morning pulls me into a cuddle. But glad you guys talked it out.