his "real" job

[glasspaper]

Few days ago while we were in a good conversation about his fam and his life he told me something about the real job he currently doin. Now i just know that he is in a dangerous, high risk, illegaly job.
The possibilities of him ended up in jail or get shot or any bad thing like that just scarin me up.
He says that he wanna quit, and starts a new life.. Im still shocked and need some objective insights

[Karoshi]

Well, I understand that your SO is involved in some dangerous illegal business, right? Is he from the same country as you? When he says he really wanna start a new life, maybe you can help him with it? Help him to find some other job? I don't know what the situation on the job market is in his country... But it's necesary that he WANTS it by himself.

[LizBrown08]

I would be careful with this. IT can be dangerous getting involved with something like this, especially if its illegal. You need to look at the risks you are taking and make a decision on if you are going to work to get him out or have him do this on his own. ^^^ Post above is right though, he is going to have to want to make the change first and foremost, he can ask you for advice and support but the ultimate decision is on him and you have to make a choice on how much you are willing to stick your head out for this.

[kittyo9]

This is really something you need to discuss further with him. You can definitely make efforts to help him find a new job and prepare himself for said job. However, he is the only one in control of his situation, so if he isn't interested in making an effort to leave then I'm afraid you're out of luck.

[Moon]

I have to be honest, to me, this would be unacceptable, I would have to tell him to get his shit together, or I'm walking away. You might not feel as extreme about it as I do, for me it would just be too against my values to continue, but I think you at least need to let him know that you aren't OK with this, and he absolutely needs to work on changing it, if you're to have a future together. And then follow up, again and again, if need be. You don't want to put yourself into a potentially dangerous situation, it's not worth it.

[glasspaper]

Hi guys thank you for your responses, so were livin far away from each other.. He is in california and im about 10.000 miles away from him, theres no chance for me to be there with him while hes doin that crappy job.. And i told him i wont dare to meet him if he is still doin it.. He telling me that he gonna quit it and has been workin on it, and one of the reason he stop it is for me (which i somehow hard to believe in).
He often says that he really hates his situation and his life is really sucks right now.

He thought i was cool with it at the moment he told me that, actually i was shocked and didnt know what to say, so i wasnt talk that much than "thank you, you let me know.. And i appreciate it"..

So next day, he still all sweet and loving but i just dont know why i started to feel numb.
I had a real bad past related to the drugs that he is workin with now, and me and my fam been strugglin against it due to our one of fam members addiction rehab.

I told him bout it last night and said if he still wanna doin it, all i can say is good luck, but if he really wanna quit, then make a real plan (since i thought he has no real plan yet, all that he said that only he wanna see me and just be with me). I told him that he have all of my support if he wanna quit..
Naive, i know. But yeah thats what i said..
And he just said "okay, thats a lot of words.. I feel bad for your fam and i appreciate what you said"

Id really like to hear more opinions from you guys

[kittyo9]

I do want to add in that a job like that was the final straw for my parents to get divorced and move my sister and me across town. I think keeping yourself at a distance until he moves on to something better is probably a good decision, for your own safety. I'm unclear as to whether he's just saying he hates it and that his life sucks or if he actually feels that way and actually wants to get out (you probably have a much better picture of that), so I can't really determine whether it's worth pushing the issue or not. However, if it's something that is ruining the relationship for you (making you feel uncomfortable, scared, numb, etc.), I don't think that's a situation you should try to live in.

[princessmaria]

My SO was involved in a lot of bad things when I met him. He stopped cold turkey as soon as I entered his life. Still to this day he tells me that if he had not met me, he would most likely be dead by now due to the people and things he was involved in. If your SO truly loves you I think he would stop as well. I'm really not for ultimatums but in a situation like this, I would definitely give him an ultimatum and tell him that he either stops with the illegal stuff or you guys can't be together at all. Like Moon said, it's just not acceptable unless you personally are willing to become a part of that dangerous lifestyle.

[Riyko]

For me if the person I was with was doing something illegal involving drugs, the relationship would end right then and there (I have an issue with drugs and watching family use them). I agree with if you still want to be with him give him an ultimatum either quit dealing with the drugs or it's over.

[glasspaper]

Thanks for your reply, guys
i have telling him that i dont wanna meet him till he really quit this job..
We still talkin, but didnt bring up this topic again since i know he doesnt really comfortable to talk about it too much (he told me that).. He also said he prolly kinda paranoid and he gonna tell me all about it when he sees me.
He maybe feels something different cause ive been pretty cold these last few days while hes still affectionate.
Today we were chatting and i feel like things goin weird, i dont know why though, maybe its just me or he either feels the same.
He left the convo without sayin anything, and i dont feel like i wanna pursue it any further.
So after about 3 hours he didnt back, i just say a goodnite and went offline.
I do love him and couldnt even wanna think how it would be if we stop our relationship, it just would makin me cry and all.. Which i dont really wanna do right now.
But i couldnt accept what hes doin there now.
We have a real different lifestyle, kinda like quite opposite and i oftenly ended up by compromising it.