Is there such thing as closing the distance too soon?

[alittlemind]

Not really sure how else to explain this question other than asking the questions that go with it:

Do you think it matters how old each party is?
How long you have known each other/how long you've been together?
Does it matter if you've met in person/how much time you've spent in person with each other?

I am currently contemplating on when closing the distance would be best for my boyfriend and I. I have the opportunity to close it as soon as January, but at my age, people think I'm making a mistake in even considering that. I'm not sure how to approach making my decision right now.

[Moon]

Do you think it matters how old each party is?

YES!! Regardless of people around here saying age is an arbitrary number (ridiculous), age factors in a great deal when you're still a teenager, your brain isn't even finished forming yet. By the time you hit 25, you'll be such a different person that you won't even recognize yourself. Add to that just a plain lack of life experience, and never having lived outside of your parents house, you're in for a rough time of it. You're talking about living in a whole other country, what visa are you planning to get to do this?

How long you have known each other/how long you've been together?

Yep, especially in an LDR. Since you aren't physically there to really see what goes on day to day, and you don't have things like mutual friends, or are able to see how he interacts with friends and family, it takes longer to find out how compatible you'd be in real life. You're young and inexperienced, which you're supposed to be, and there are a lot of relationship clues you simply don't know how to pick up on yet, but with time, you'll be able to know each other enough that they won't be necessary.

Does it matter if you've met in person/how much time you've spent in person with each other?

Immensely. There are so, so many aspects of a person you just can't know over text, and a bit of cam time every day. It's easy to be on your best behavior for that short amount of time. Also, there's always a chance, as impossible as you'll think it sounds, that you just won't have any chemistry, or click, in real life. It happens, it's happened to people on this forum. You haven't been together nearly long enough to even think about moving before you've met. It would suck to pick up and move to another country, just to return with your tail between your legs in a couple of months.

[Captivated]

You're talking about living in a whole other country, what visa are you planning to get to do this?

I'm curious about this as well. Have you researched the process of moving to the US (assuming you're the one moving here)? It's a nightmare - and not at all easy.

[alittlemind]

You're talking about living in a whole other country, what visa are you planning to get to do this?

I am planning to get a student visa and continue my college studies where he lives. I understand how much of a nightmare this could be, but his parents are very very familiar with what it takes and his father, who is still in Canada where I am, is also on board with helping me with the process.

As for your reply to my third question, we were closed distance before this, we know we click well and know each other very well. I would not have considered having another long distance relationship if we did not. When he moved, I spent some time with him there, in order to see what kind of environment he lives in, I met his friends, family, etc. None of those situations raised red flags for me. I know I could just be naive, blinded by teenage puppy love, but I learned to be very careful after enduring my previous nightmare of a relationship. Now, 8 months down the road (the great majority of which was spent in person, together) with my boyfriend, we are still as happy as we started out, he's a wonderful gentleman, and is helping me immensely with this process.

[Moon]

I am planning to get a student visa and continue my college studies where he lives. I understand how much of a nightmare this could be, but his parents are very very familiar with what it takes and his father, who is still in Canada where I am, is also on board with helping me with the process.

As for your reply to my third question, we were closed distance before this, we know we click well and know each other very well. I would not have considered having another long distance relationship if we did not. When he moved, I spent some time with him there, in order to see what kind of environment he lives in, I met his friends, family, etc. None of those situations raised red flags for me. I know I could just be naive, blinded by teenage puppy love, but I learned to be very careful after enduring my previous nightmare of a relationship. Now, 8 months down the road (the great majority of which was spent in person, together) with my boyfriend, we are still as happy as we started out, he's a wonderful gentleman, and is helping me immensely with this process.

Just out of curiosity then, why are you asking if it matters if you've met in person? I took that as you haven't.

[alittlemind]

Just out of curiosity then, why are you asking if it matters if you've met in person? I took that as you haven't.

I was just curious as to the different reasons why people would think closing the distance would be a bad idea. I'm sorry I wasn't clear, my bad. I should have been more detailed. Thanks more you're good advice though, others searching could find it helpful.

[Zephii]

Do you think it matters how old each party is?

Dear gods yes.
Both age and maturity. I know every kid thinks they are mature for their age and I was the same. But nothing makes your brain the fully developed brain of an adult other than living into adulthood. But two young people can still have a good go at it if they are smart. I moved out of home at 15 and never looked back, never regretted it. There's no reason you couldn't close the distance as teens, in my opinion, as long as your youth was discussed. Talk about what ways it may hold you back, in what ways you embrace it (partying, or whatever) and how it factors into your decisions. I don't think you're ever too young to live the life you want to live, if you're smart enough to plan properly.

If the parties involved are of different ages? I think that matters quite a bit more, but I have huge amounts of bias on that issue. (I'm not talking five years difference, I'm talking ten plus) All I'll say is that there is a power balance in every relationship, and it's hard for that to be equal for the younger person in these relationships. In that case I would hold off on closing the distance until later.

How long you have known each other/how long you've been together?

Yes! I don't think there's a set time, but I know compared to many people here I'm a bit slow/conservative haha. I think when you're both ready you'll know. There was a really lovely chick who was a member here about a year back (maybe more) and I always remember her story. They closed the distance, but later ended up un-closing it because they hadn't been prepared and he wasn't emotionally mature enough to get past the first set of hurdles. It taught me you do need some element of planning, especially for what to do if one partner isn't happy after the move.

Does it matter if you've met in person/how much time you've spent in person with each other?

It matters if you have met in person. I may get flamed for this, but it's my opinion that only a freaking idiot moves to be with someone they've only known online.

How much time you have spent in person? Well that varies. I always recommend people have a nice long visit or two, but plenty of people can't manage that before they close the distance and their relationships turn out fine. I think it's important to remember that if it doesn't work out you can always leave - and make sure you have the funds to do so.