Help for a friend in LDR

[Karoshi]

Hello, I have a close friend who is in difficult situation regarding her LDR and I would like to ask you if you have any idea what can she do and how can I help her.

Background story:

She is 16 and her SO is 21. She lives in the same city as me and her SO lives in the same city as mine. They are together for about a year and they only met once when she was in his city visiting her friend - her parents didn't know about it. Her parents are her first problem - even thought they know about them, they don't want her to visit him until they'll meet him, which is, I think, reasonable. They told her that she can invite him to stay with them for a weekend, but she don't want to, because she is afraid that he won't like her father - he is little excentric, but I know him well (mine and her parents are good friends) and he's great person. Also she is afraid that her parents won't like him, because - her words - he looks like some criminal, bald, tatooed and he has some teeth missing (because of martial arts he used to practice).

Her second problem is her SO himself. He is unemployed for a long time and he doesn't even look for a job, he dropped high school so he doesn't have proper education to find some good job. Because of his financial problems he can't visit her, and to me it looks like he even doesn't want to try something to make it possible. Another thing is that he treats her badly in my opinion. I don't want to say that he's abbusive, but... I don't feel like he treats her with proper respect, he is very often rude and mean to her for no reason, he is extremely jealous and he's controlling - when I'm out with her, she must text him like every hour and if she doesn't, he's angry at her. I hate that he's making her sad and I already talked to her and told her that it's unfair and she shouldn't let him to treat her like that, but she says it's okay and that she loves him too much to let him go.

Do you have any advice regarding her parents or her SO's behaviour? It will be much appreciated.
And sorry for long post!

[lyonsgirl]

He sounds too controlling for me. It's not okay for him to act like that, no matter how much she loves him.

[ams.201220]

I agree with lyonsgirl. I don't think it's a good situation for her at all. Regardless of whatever you say though, the way she's going to handle it really depends on herself. Eventually, she'll make a decision, but if she truly wants it to go anywhere, she'll have to invite him over.

[Mairja]

He's 21, she's 16 - he's jealous and controlling, even from a distance, and she obeys him. This sounds bad, in my opinion. Bad enough that I'd advice her to get away from him.

[Mellow]

Exactly. I really do agree with what is said before. I kind of see this as a relationship of blinding love. In which the love is so strong, it is so overwhelming that it is hard to see the reality. And we all know that the reality isn't always as pretty as we might want it to be. It is very hard to help a friend in a situation like that. It isn't alarming enough to actually pull them away from each other, but what is there isn't a pretty picture.She really is still a young girl, so it is understandable that this whole situation can be super confusing for her. For all of us, to be frank.
You might want to talk a lot with your friend about. How does she feel about the whole situation? How does she handle it? What change in him does she like to see the most? I feel that it is very important to keep talking about it with your friends, just to monitor the whole situation a little. To protect her, in case it might get even worse. Since it sounds like she loves him a lot, she probably doesn't want to break up with him regardless of what you say.
Just be a friend for her, that might be already enough. A pillar of support, shoulders to cry on.

Regarding her parents... well I think they are right. She still is a minor and they just worry so much about her. I think that if they meet him, they might be milder towards their relationship and her visiting him. Best thing for her to do is NOT to meet him in secret. It'll only cause much problems later on, if it leaks out.

I wish you good luck~

[Karoshi]

Thank you for your replies. I agree with you all that this isn't like healthy relationship look like and that he's too controlling. I'll totally have a little talk with her about this whole thing when I'll come home from my SO's place. I think that, if she'll finally decide to invite him to visit her, it would be interesting to see how he treats her when they are face to face (she told me that she would love to introduce me to him). Well, we'll see...