How Many Arguments do you have a Month?

[ams.201220]

I'm loving how Lucybelle said it!

We bicker occasionally. In times of stress that can be several times a week, but generally it's maybe twice a month? I don't know it's never serious and it's over fairly quickly - within the hour. I'll say we have a good row every six months on average, the type of argument one of us still cares about/is hurt by the next day.

Bickering tends to happen because I'm either hormonal (yay for being a woman) or hungry. Usually the later. And they end with me apologizing for being a dick and eating something. We laugh about it and move on.
Occasionally bickering happens because he's bored. He's the most fucking annoying person on this earth if he's bored for too long. So generally if I see it coming on, I instigate something fun and head that off at the pass. If I don't catch it in time, we'll bicker for up to an hour and then have the "I was a dick, I'm sorry" conversation.

Arguments where we actually have an issue to solve? Almost never. We just talk it out. If one of us says something hurtful, we backpedal, and try to say it another way. Or whatever. We're all about keeping the line of communication open and getting the problem solved. I think we've dissolved into raised voices twice in the time we've known each other.

We argue more now that we're parents. Even after all the discussions we had, there's still some things we don't automatically agree on, and there's the breastfeeding thing. We've argued about that a lot But that's because it's something he can only begin to understand. He sees this fantastic thing that never fails to stop the crying. I see this painful thing that sometimes starts me crying lol. These are simple breakdowns in communication. We talk when the stress of the wailing banshee child has passed and make an agreement.

The point of this here break down is to help you be able to figure out what is at the root of your arguments. Are you actually fighting because he didn't put the cap on the toothpaste, or does that unscrewed cap remind you of something far more emotional that's been left undone and that underlying issue is going unresolved?
Are you arguing because your communication has broken down? Or because someone's needs are going unmet? Or because you're hungry/stressed/hormonal/bored?

It's ok to argue. My sister and her husband have always had very loud arguments, almost every day. It makes Obi and I uncomfortable, because to us they are things that could be quietly discussed or just let go (you don't have to agree on everything, pick your battles), and is one of the key reasons we don't like living with them for any period of time, but to them it means they have no underlying issues. All their shit is on the table, everything is dealt with immediately no matter who's around. They call each other names, hang up phones, make threats... and love each other to pieces. Their dynamic is just fiery! So don't compare your relationship to that of your mates and find it lacking. Different just means different, not wrong

Thanks! We argue about once a month, and it's never a yelling at each other kind of thing. It just a discussion, but he likes to take space. It's just irritating sometimes because I'd rather just push through it and solve it then and there. But it never lasts long. I feel like we argue more about solving the argument than the argument itself :P

[ams.201220]

We have arguments maybe once or twice a month. TBH I think we would argue less if he just said "okay" more, but we're working on it. I also think if my SO didn't take so long to move on from arguments, we'd resolve them in a matter of hours; I get very emotional very quickly, but I also move on very quickly as well. On the other hand, my SO takes a while to get emotionally charged, but once he's there, it takes him a long time to come back down. This has been kind of a complicated situation resulting in arguments that sometimes take 2-3 days to fully move on from (not to end, just to move on from).

Our arguments are virtually non-existent when we're together in person, though, except for when one of us is being stubborn.

I agree with your last statement! For us we didn't argue in person, and now it's just been so long since we've been together that sometimes I don't even remember what happened when we were together.

[LadyDaemon]

We don't really argue. I can think of 2 "blow ups" we've had in our relationship and that was when we were LD. We bicker more then anything else. Like lately we've been bickering a little bit because we've been under stress about our moving and him starting school,plus we've been spending a tad too much time together admittedly lol and both of us have been having issues with shutting down on each other quite a bit lately. But anyway,we usually talk our issues out for the most part,we don't really believe in yelling and carrying on like we're crazy when we're mad at each other. We just sit down and talk (usually when I'm calmer) and it usually gets solved within an hour or two. But I agree with the others who were saying it's more about the people involved and how they handle issues amongst themselves,not whether you're CD or LD.

[Tooki]

My GF and I argue a lot. I dare say that it's due to our stubborn, proud personalities. Neither of us can easily drop something or want to give up.

[MattDavies86]

We argue a fair amount too, not all the time, jus stupid things really and we get over them after a little talk, only once or twice we've had a big argument, but that would never cause us to end or nout.

[Mims27]

We don't really argue. When something upsets us we kinda go quiet for a little bit; then it drives both of us crazy so we just talk about it. We both HATE arguing. We are definitely talkers and problem solvers.

[Dezface]

We don't argue. My SO is just not a combative person. I don't think that arguing inherently means something is wrong with your relationship though. My ex and I argued A LOT. And intensely. But surprisingly, that's not one of the things that contributed to our downfall. In fact, I knew it was really over when we stopped fighting because it meant we just didn't care anymore.

Every couple is different. If you're secure in your relationship, that's all that matters.

[SeeRat]

We argue too often over little/silly things. But usually its from one side only other person remains calm I think thats why our issues get resolved.

[Malaga]

I think we had 3 proper arguments in these three years, two of them in person. Once he stormed out of the house but came back after half an hour, we apologised and it was good. Another time it was also voices raised but resolved within an hour as well. We bicker sometimes when one or both of us is irritated and snappy, but then we usually just take a couple of hours time out and do some thing relaxing, before it escalates into a conflict.

On the whole we get along well. We're both sensitive which doesn't help much but as time goes by we're getting better and better at handling tension.

[Zapookie]

In the year that we were CD, I can remember 3 distinct incidents where one or both of us were upset with the other and they were usually instigated by me haha. We bicker here and there but nothing major. When we're LD, I can voice things often because I feel more comfortable typing them out rather than speaking, so things don't come to a head like they do when we're in person because I would bottle everything up inside.

My SO is a very calm person, and it takes a lot to get him mad. I'm a fire sign, I get riled up quickly. I'm lucky to have him. :P

[Chlo]

We probably haven't been together long enough to truely answer this question, but so far we haven't properly argued. Just bickered over silly little things, but I think all couples do that regardless.

[Ejoriah]

We argue every other week, if you count "you pick what we have for dinner -- no, YOU pick" as arguments

As far as proper, blow-up-in-your-face arguments, there's only one that I can think of that was "bad" to the point of making me cry. It was over a misunderstanding though. All of our arguments are. We sometimes have trouble getting our meaning across and word things wrongly, and the other person misunderstands and gets hurt or frustrated. The bad argument was because I felt unwanted, so I withdrew a little bit. He could tell something was wrong and didn't want to smother me or intrude on my space while I worked it out. Which made me feel even MORE unwanted etc. Vicious cycle.

I also don't think that there's a "magic" number of arguments that "good" relationships should have. Depends on the people involved. Sometimes arguments can be healthy, if both people learn something from it. I wouldn't worry about what your friends' relationships are like in that regard.

[summerkid]

Fine. I'll be the odd one out here. We fight. Quite a lot if I compare us to you guys here. We had a major fight last night. We had another bigger fight on saturday. But i think this is also because we're very stressed with other things, he is very busy , I am very not-busy haha.. and we're re-adjusting to being LD.
We fought a lot less in person.. especially in the last month. We had reached quite a good place and learned how to navigate eachother. I think being LD makes us both more sensitive and frustrated which probably contributes to the fights.
I am confident in our relationship, but i think we need to figure out how to be better at not-fighting, or maybe change some things, because it does take a lot out of us.

[Goyangi]

We disagree on certain topics... And can get "passionate" but they aren't true arguments. We've probably argued once within a six month period, in regards to our relationship. It didn't last for longer than 20 minutes. We're reasonable, and put forth much effort to see the other's perspective.

[ams.201220]

We don't really argue. I can think of 2 "blow ups" we've had in our relationship and that was when we were LD. We bicker more then anything else. Like lately we've been bickering a little bit because we've been under stress about our moving and him starting school,plus we've been spending a tad too much time together admittedly lol and both of us have been having issues with shutting down on each other quite a bit lately. But anyway,we usually talk our issues out for the most part,we don't really believe in yelling and carrying on like we're crazy when we're mad at each other. We just sit down and talk (usually when I'm calmer) and it usually gets solved within an hour or two. But I agree with the others who were saying it's more about the people involved and how they handle issues amongst themselves,not whether you're CD or LD.

That's another really good point. Sometimes I feel like we suffocate each other so much that we just need time to ourselves. But we don't realize that until after it's too late. At times I thought it was weird that I wanted time away because he's my boyfriend, but I think you need to keep who you are as well as what your relationship is.