hard situation

[angeldi]

Hi all. I have posted before. Woke up crying. Long story short. Been with my SO for seven years. I have not seen him in two years, yes two years. Because he is in a hard situation. His father passed away about 6 years ago, then his mother became ill. She has emphysema. He is the sole caregiver, even though his sister is only ten minutes away she is no help. I have four kids two still in school 11th and 9th. We are really trying to handle this. His mother wont have anyone come to the house to care for her. His life is consumed by his job and taking care of her. He knows he can put her in a home, but its not that easy. Anyway he is hoping to come see me in Oct and I hope he does. I woke up crying thinking when will we see each other again. Its just a sad day for me. We love each other very much, why is it when you finally meet the man of your dreams and he lives miles away. Why are there so many obstacles? Its so hard sometimes. People say just go there, or why doesnt he just put her in a home? Its not that easy. Especially when I have kids in school and he is trying to deal with his mothers health and trying to actually have a life. He wants his life back, our life. Anyway thanks for listening. Just needed to vent.

[snow_girl]

I think it is unfair for him to be his mothers caregiver. I don't think I could ever give up my life like that for my parents and I don't think they'd want me to. Perhaps he needs to look at getting someone to come care for her in the home. Then he can become a son to her again and do things he needs to do with his life.

[Verojoon]

Though I have it easier than you, I can relate! Actually, your post outlines some of my fears for the future of our relationship... Last night my SO and I were up literally all night trying to figure out our future and one of the concerns was exactly our future. I can't move because of my kids, he can't move because of his mother... But his mother is not sick, she is just elderly and completely dependent on him because she can't drive or speak English... so at least he can visit... But I have a huge concern she wil end up having health issues, and then we won't even have visits!

I hope you two can figure things out!

[Ejoriah]

I think it's long overdue for him to have an honestly brutal talk with his sister, that she needs to help out too. My grandmother passed before I was born, but she was very ill and bedridden for the last years of her life. The only way her kids made it work was that ALL OF THEM took turns being there and caring so that the others could have some rest and some semblance of a normal life.

[Moon]

Can't you go to him? You said your youngest two are in high school, so you have two that are old enough to be around so that you can take a long weekend, at least. I'm sure his mother's Medicare would cover a nurse some of the time, why won't he utilize that? She doesn't have to like it necessarily, but he needs to emphasize to her that he, too, has a life to be lived.

I do understand what it's like to be older in an LDR, aging parents and my daughter are some of the reasons my guy and I can't close the distance, but time together is extremely important, you've got to think of some way to do it. I'm sorry you're going through this, I hope you can figure it out.

[angeldi]

Thank You all so much for letting me vent.. I know sounds simple to say, just get a nurse, just go out there? I know and appreciate your thoughts. But not that simple. We are doing ok. We know we will be together one day. Just hard sometimes and nobody understands. As a matter of fact Im hoping to see him in Oct !!!! =) cant wait

[alizee]

Thank You all so much for letting me vent.. I know sounds simple to say, just get a nurse, just go out there? I know and appreciate your thoughts. But not that simple. We are doing ok. We know we will be together one day. Just hard sometimes and nobody understands. As a matter of fact Im hoping to see him in Oct !!!! =) cant wait

I can totally understand your situation! I mean it is hard for me to not be with my SO (first time meeting in September) of only 3 months, let alone not seeing your man for 2 years. I am bursting into tears right as I am writting these lines, that*s how I miss him and, as I said, we haven*t even met face to face. Be brave and have faith that everything between you two will eventually fall into place. I always thought that good and meaningfull things in life take time, work and effort. If something was easy to attain than it won*t be just as precious and important. Love is worth it!
Nobody says it is easy, but if you feel right being with him and he feels the same, that*s all that matters!!!

[angeldi]

I agree. Love is worth the wait. Hell I would wait for him forever, as he would me. Sometimes life throws you hard punches. Some people deal with them , some can't. The thing is we first met May 2006. He packed his stuff , sold his house and was moving by me. Then his father became very ill and passed away. Now its his mothers health. God Bless Her. ..........
We still feel those butterflies laugh all the time and desire one another. Even though right now our family situations are holding us back, things will work out. Its just hard when I hear comments from people at work saying, what are you waiting for? Youre crazy. just go see him. Or How can you wait so long, Or the best LOL maybe he is married LMAO well they have no idea. They aren't in a long distance relationship.
Anyway. My SO is sicilian and his mother is a stubborn 81 yr old woman who has emphysema, is on oxygen 24/7 and wont let anyone come into her house. Its hard for him too. He wants his life back he wants us to start our life. And I tell him we will. Soooooo if anyone understands how hard a LDR is, its me. we are not sad , we are extrememly happy. He is always with me. and if you have that true love you know the feeling of never being alone =) Even when you are not physically together.

last time we were together ws April 2011 . .

[alizee]

I agree. Love is worth the wait. Hell I would wait for him forever, as he would me. Sometimes life throws you hard punches. Some people deal with them , some can't. The thing is we first met May 2006. He packed his stuff , sold his house and was moving by me. Then his father became very ill and passed away. Now its his mothers health. God Bless Her. ..........
We still feel those butterflies laugh all the time and desire one another. Even though right now our family situations are holding us back, things will work out. Its just hard when I hear comments from people at work saying, what are you waiting for? Youre crazy. just go see him. Or How can you wait so long, Or the best LOL maybe he is married LMAO well they have no idea. They aren't in a long distance relationship.
Anyway. My SO is sicilian and his mother is a stubborn 81 yr old woman who has emphysema, is on oxygen 24/7 and wont let anyone come into her house. Its hard for him too. He wants his life back he wants us to start our life. And I tell him we will. Soooooo if anyone understands how hard a LDR is, its me. we are not sad , we are extrememly happy. He is always with me. and if you have that true love you know the feeling of never being alone =) Even when you are not physically together.

last time we were together ws April 2011 . .

I really hope you two can manage to see each other in October, as you said. It will be better for your relationship and will help you two remain menthally sane for the following months. I wish you all the best and may things fall into place for you, because you both deserve it!!!!

[angeldi]

Thank You so much =) It takes special people to be in a LDR I wish you the best also =)