Keeping secrets

[sinneroid]

My SO keep some secrets like when she applied for a job or sometimes where she's going. I just let it be because I don't want her to accuse me of poking my nose on everything she do or she goes.. Is it alright to be like this? I just feel like being left out.. I on the other hand tells her where I am or what i do when she ask me..

[princessmaria]

If you're openly asking where she is and she's lying about it or withholding information, then that does seem like a problem to me. Your SO should be honest and open with you, so it isn't alright to be like that. If you aren't asking, and you're just expecting her to tell you that's a bit different.

[kacie]

I don't tell my SO everything that happens to me, and would get annoyed if he asked me where I was going all the time. If she had got the job and didn't tell you I would understand more, but trust her to tell you all the important things in her life.

[alittlemind]

Are you asking her where she's going/what she's doing and she's not telling you about it?
I can understand why you'd be concerned, I would too. That's a red flag for me.
But for example, what my SO and I do, is I ask him to tell me when he's going somewhere, just because I know he's a terrible texter and so I won't freak out when he hasn't replied or even so I don't bother him when he's busy. I always let him know when I won't be able to text him back for a little bit, for example, going to the movies or out with friends or what not.
I think it helps us feel connected to each others lives, even.
If something is bothering you in your relationship, you should be able to freely talk to you SO about it.

[ThePiedPiper]

Well what do you mean by "keeping secrets"? Do you mean she lies to you when you ask, intentionally witholds information/doesn't want to share information, or do you mean more than if she goes out to get some food at McDonalds, she doesn't detail how long it's going to take her and what she got to eat? Thing is, it's okay to not know everything about your partner. I tend to let mine know where I'm going out of courtesy, but if they pop out for a bit, I'm not going to grill them about where they are. So I think this largely depends on what your definition of secret keeping is. If she's deliberately hiding things from you, lying to you, or keeping secrets, then yes, it's a problem. If she's simply not telling you everything, I wouldn't equate that with keeping secrets, necessarily.

[Dezface]

What everyone else said. If she's lying, that's one thing. But if she just doesn't tell you every detail, that's another. My SO would always tell me every little thing about his day/life. I 'm much more vague. I didn't tell him half the things he told me. But I wasn't lying, I just didn't view it as important information. there's definitely a difference.

[alizee]

What everyone else said. If she's lying, that's one thing. But if she just doesn't tell you every detail, that's another. My SO would always tell me every little thing about his day/life. I 'm much more vague. I didn't tell him half the things he told me. But I wasn't lying, I just didn't view it as important information. there's definitely a difference.

I totally agree! I am just like you - he tells me more about his familly, but I just don*t ask for any further details about it, because we are at the beginning of our relationship and I don*t want to sound so curious about it ... I will find more as time gets by and our relationship gets stronger. I don*t share every detail of my day to day life, because it may not be as important to him. I only share the bigger things, when they take place. But yes, he talks more about his life than me, but it*s just the way I am, I really don*t like to talk much about myself.

[ChibiFelicia]

Are you actually asking her what shes doing or just expecting her to tell you? Like the above posters there is a difference between out right lying and just leaving none important information out, such as eating at maccyD's. I think it'd be a little suffocating if my hubby expected me to tell him where im going, who im with, what im eating etc etc And i know he'd find it a little boring, unless something funny happened during my outing. If i didn't tell him my resigning of my job, now that wouldn't be on. It's an important decision that we both needed to talk about.
I actually talk alot about myself and my day, whereas he is the total opposite, he'll only tell me important things, unless i ask. I've gotten into an awful habit of asking what he's been eating. It's a little overbearing but he also has an awful habit of only eating once a day and it drives me nuts. I think it drives him nuts when i ask too lol ohwell

[Mims27]

If she is deliberately hiding stuff from you, I don't think that's ok. If my girlfriend would've applied for a job and not tell me, then I would be pretty disapointed because it's kind of a big deal. But I would ask her why she didn't tell me. Maybe she didn't want to "jinx" it, or she was nervous to tell you incase she doesn't get it. Did you ask her why she's not telling you certain things? If you feel left out about certain important things then you should tell her.

My SO and I keep each other posted on stuff we do through out the day, only to make the other feel part of their life, but I don't give her every detail of my day...it would be never ending and annoying. lol

[dizzyupthemeg]

What everyone else said. If she's lying, that's one thing. But if she just doesn't tell you every detail, that's another. My SO would always tell me every little thing about his day/life. I 'm much more vague. I didn't tell him half the things he told me. But I wasn't lying, I just didn't view it as important information. there's definitely a difference.

This sounds exactly like my SO and I, except opposite. I'm an extremely open person so I tell my SO much more about my day. It helps me feel closer to him when I update him even if what I am telling him isn't important. He on the other hand doesn't feel the need to share the little things, at least why we are apart. When we are together, it's a whole different story.

I agree with everyone else. If she is purposely hiding things from you then you may have a problem. Otherwise, she may just not want to share every little thing and there is nothing wrong with that.

[ushiwakafox]

I feel like most of the other replies here, it seems weird to me if she intentionally doesn't tell you where she is at when you ask her or if she lies to you. But don't immediately assume that she's up to no good. My SO used to be kinda like that and it always irritated me because while he wouldn't lie or anything, he would never feel like anything was important enough to tell me about. But not telling me about where he was at and stuff made me feel left out of his life, especially if he was out with our friends. I'm very opposite, I like to delve into the details of my day, and he's perfectly fine with hearing about my day, he's just not as explicit. He's gotten better over the years, because he understands now that it makes me feel left out. Just tell your SO how you feel, maybe she will try to work on it if you let her know.